New to board, dating, just some rambling
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| Wed, 04-04-2007 - 4:17pm |
Hi! I thought I would send in an introduction. I am 23, single mother of a 3 year old (we'll be 24 and 4 in May; just a week apart). I'm in my first relationship since I left my ex when my son ws 18 months old. I was with him for about 4 years, so I never really had a chance to get into dating as I went from one serious relationship to another. And now I understand why my mother told me not to get serious in high school! :-D Anyhow, I've been checking out the posts (haven't responded to any yet) on how others are doing with dating and having a child. The guy I'm currently with has two children that are pretty much grown (15 and 16 - or maybe 17 now).
How do you know what you should/shouldn't let your SO do with your child? We live together so we are always together. We've been living together for about 2 months, but we weren't really together during that time. We've known each other for the longest time (pretty much my whole life), we just weren't around each other for the past 10 years or so. He's been around my son for a while now. When we moved in together we didn't plan on being with each other....it just sort of happened. Now we have a complicated relationship. I dunno. I'm just confused. I enjoy the time I spend with him a lot. He plays with my son, and enjoys the time with him. We went to the school playground the other day and they just played and played. He's even talked about going next year and starting a t-ball team. I think he's a little nervous sometimes since it's been a while since there has been a little one around. I told him if he does/says something to my son that i don't like I'll let him know. He's doesn't punish him....at this point, that is for me to do, but I also try to get my son to understand that if he's told to do something he does it. Whether it's me or SO telling him. Things just moved really fast between us, which doesn't bother me. We aren't to the point of saying "I love you", which I won't be able to for a while because of the relationship I had with my son's father. I dunno, really I just wanted to "talk" and get some stuff off my mind! Sorry!
JN

I think what you are feeling is a sense of being unsettled? You sense that your son is getting attached but you do not yet feel that this relationship is here to stay. You are living together - but the I love you is not said and there is no discussion of long-term commitment? That would unsettle me too. Perhaps you can try to decide what you want for you and your son long term and make sure this man has that - and has the same intentions. That might help you feel more secure.
It is good that you come here and ask these questions.
If it was me, I would want to make sure of these things before I let my son spend too much time with an SO.
Good luck and keep us posted.