New date

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2008
New date
6
Sat, 04-05-2008 - 4:18am
Hi all...I'm new to this website. One of my friend forward this interesting forum to me. I need your opinion, since i'm new to this country:-)...I'm currently separated from my marriage (1 year) and sign our dissolution marriage for about 1 month ago. Now, I have date through OLD. He's about 12 years older than me. I don't have any problem with this. The question is.....he's about move from his town to my town (that's mean about 5 hours flight) because he's accepted the job. Before, he asked me if he should take the job in my area or not. I told him to move here...but if it's only because his own interest about the job. So he'll move within next week. We never meet in person. I know it sounds weird. But honestly, i felt something different about him. We only communicate several times by email and text messages. Only a bit by phone call. I just want to know about dating culture here.....what should i do on my first date? My friend said, i may not call my date before he calls me after the first date. Even though, we'll have some date afterward, it doesn't mean he's gonna be my BF. It take about a year before your date gonna said "love". It's totally different with my culture (I'm Asian). Usually if the guy takes you to several date, and he feels attracted with you, he's gonna asked you to be his girlfriend. So, i'm a bit confused about the date and for sure i wanna take my time, after my divorce.Thank you.....
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: faithful_girl
Sat, 04-05-2008 - 9:40am

Hello and welcome!

You ask a lot of good questions - so that is good - shows you are thinking for YOU.

Just because you know him in email and on the phone doesn't mean you know him know him. I think you should start slow with the dating process and see if you want him to be your BF and if he wants you to be his GF and is willing to go slow and not just interested in the physical aspects. Time always tells you everything. Make sure he is good for you with his actions!

Keep us posted!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2008
In reply to: faithful_girl
Sat, 04-05-2008 - 4:37pm

Hi cl-west..


Thank you so much. I totally agree. But the thing is....usually the guy gonna ask you if you wanna be his GF or not or just because we have several date it's mean I already be his gf?


One guy that i've dated before, he thought i'm his GF.... because we went several date before. Actually i was thinking that he's so nice to be my best friend. He was so upset when i told him that i like him to be my friend only.


I don't want that happen again in the future. My friend said, our culture is different. If I wanna go to have some dinner several times with him, it's mean i like him and willing to be his GF.


I need some idea:-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
In reply to: faithful_girl
Sat, 04-05-2008 - 5:18pm

Hi Faithful_girl, welcome to the board.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: faithful_girl
Sat, 04-05-2008 - 7:50pm
NO - never assume. You are not the GF unless he says you are the GF. I would hold back on intimacy until he declares he only wants to date you and he wants you to be the GF. So, wait and let him ask - or mention something if he starts getting too physical.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2008
In reply to: faithful_girl
Sun, 04-06-2008 - 4:12am
Dear Alison and cl west.....
Thank you so much for the idea. I don't know what happened with me. I never met him in person. Honestly, there's something that i know maybe he's not my match. He never call me often, or just barely text me. We just keep in touch by email. I don't know why.But a lot of things that i took as a promise. He moved to L.A, his email that show that he's really looking forward to see me and spend the time together soon. I'm typical....maybe you can say old fashioned girl.I don't believe to live together before married or having a sex before married...but i do. But i do believe.....if he likes me...he's gonna be around. I saw his profile when he sent me the message through OLD, and i'm not really interested in. But as I know him more I"m falling in love.I was thinking that i really fall in love with him......i hate that!Now, my ex and his family are totally want us to recovery again. And i told them......that's enough, no more.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: faithful_girl
Sun, 04-06-2008 - 9:04am
If I was you I would just see how it goes over time in person. It is easy to "fall in love" with an idea in your head - but not realize how a person really is over time. Let him work to gain your trust and make sure you have a talk when you are ready about having sex and exclusivity - never get caught up in the moment and hope or assume he wants the same things you do. NEVER!