New to dating after divorce
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| Sat, 02-03-2007 - 9:36am |
Hi! I'm hoping you guys have some words of wisdom for me.
I'm back in the dating pool after 12 years... and it's changed drastically! I don't even know where to begin. I've been out - and am starting to join groups, etc. but it seems I get a lot of young guys talking to me (I'm 33) and I DON'T want to be anyone's mom (I did that with my ex). I'm not sure how to flirt, how to take it further and (most importantly) how to meet folks my age and interests (in other words, maybe a nice divorced dad or one not scared of a woman with a kid!).
Also - how do you handle dating and your child, both for their protection and their emotions? As for the latter, I would say I won't introduce my DD until it's a "boyfriend"... but as for the former, do you stay vague about their age and sex for fear of the predators out there? Do you not let them pick you up at the house? Am I ridiculously paranoid? =)
Thanks so much! Such a bizarre time in my life!

Let me just say that alot of what you say resonates with me. I've been divorced for a little over 3 years and I can see why dating is for younger people. I think it's harder to date now for a couple of reasons: first, after I work all week, then I come home and be the man AND the woman of the house, I'm exhausted. I feel more like crashing in front of the TV rather than changing my traffic patterns so that I meet new people. Secondly, because of all thee above, I don't have a great deal of patience with the stupid little games that dating brings. If being involved with a guy is going to add more stress to my life, then I'm done.
As far as introducing the kids, I've never had a guy last long enough to introduce the kids. I think your gut can pretty much tell you if you think that person being around your child will bring up any issues. I think the "how old, are they boys or girls" is probably mostly small talk; just look for subtle clues or that inner alarm bell that tells you not to go any farther. My rule of thumb is I won't introduce the kids until I know where the relationship is going, and if it's not going to go anywhere, chances are I'm not going to stay in it any longer anyway. I'm very clear up front that my children's father is involved and he and I get along, but I am looking for someone who can be a good friend and role model. If a guy has kids, look at how involved he is with his own kids. If he doesn't treat his own well, how will he treat you and yours?
There are some general guidelines you can go by, but like most things in life, between black and white is this vast real estate called the gray area. You have to take each situation on it's own merits. Hope that helps!
Everything you write shows you have a great head on your shoulders. Listen to your inner voice. I think you just have to keep getting out there and meeting more people and doing more activities.
To answer your question about the kids - leave them out of it until you have met someone special and spent a lot of time with him and are sure he is here to stay - kids don't need to be confused with our adult dating life - it confuses us just enough just fine! LOL!!
Welcome to our board - we hope you post more.
I've been doing OLD for a while. as far as meeting men your age, I have the opposite problem. Many of the men are 50+, and I'm in my mid-twenties. I don't think I could date someone older than my dad- although I did, once, casually.
As far as talking about your kids, I am always honest. I have 2, they are 5 and 8, and I do talk about them. When asked, I give details like their names and ages. If a guy doesn't ask, I know he's not interested in much from me but sex. BUT, I typically don't let guys know exactly where I live for a while. It's a small enough town as it is, but since I'm usually meeting people who live at least 50 miles away, we tend to meet in the middle somewhere, which works out better for me on a number of levels.
good luck, and stick around! We love hearing stories and having newcomers!
Moody, fairly forthcoming
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