new to dating..alot of ?'s
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new to dating..alot of ?'s
| Sat, 06-16-2007 - 5:09am |
I'm new to dating and to this board and i am really hoping that someone can help me. I have been single for a year now since my ex and i split last summer. We were together for three years. Before then i went from relationship to relationship and never really dated. I decided to give dating a shot because obviously relationships don't work to well for me. I need to find out what is wrong with me. I don't think i'm unattractive, i have a positive attitude toward men and all that, and i try to come across as approchable. I never had a problem before with men coming and talking to me before but now it never happens. This is how a basic conversation goes for me. I'll go up to a guy or he will say hi to me, do the whole introductions and all that, talk for a few minutes, he asks if i have kids, i say yes, three boys but ususally by then he spots some other girl and next thing i know he's going home with her!!!!! Even my best friend has done this. We can go out for a girls night out and i ususally just sit there while she is out grinding with any man and she has her pick of ANY man in the world. She averages 2 to 5 men that she takes home a month and she has 2 kids. Where as i only have 45 year old men come to me. It wouldn't bother me except i am 28 years old. I don't do that. Now i refuse to just go home with some random guy, that's just not me, it may be fine for others but everyones different. It just seems like whenever we go out she has all these men flocking to her and it seems like i am invisible. I have had other guys tell me that i am the "perfect" girlfriend, even with my three kids, but yet they never want anything to do with me. They all want the playboy bunny types i guess. I don't understand AT ALL!!!! Do men just want one night stands now or can they tell which women will give them what they want at the moment and which ones don't? I don't understand any of this and it's really starting to get to me. I'm not looking for a relationship but if the right one comes along i'll see what happens as long as he can treat me and my kids right. But it's like they don't even notice me when i'm right there. I don't understand it. Can someone please help me make sense of all this?

This happened to me, too. I had several serious relationships, and when I decided that I should date it simply wasn't that easy.
I signed up for OLD, simply because I wasn't meeting men any other way. Once I did, though, there was less pressure on me to meet someone when I was out- and I ended up meeting people.
The key for me was just to look happy, be happy, and do my thing. Men were suddenly coming to me, and the only difference was that I was honestly not out looking for them. I was having a great time with my girlfriends, and they saw that I was having fun and being happy.
It still took time before I found men I wanted to date, and I still did the OLD thing. But now, since I'm in a good relationship, all the work, time, and effort of dating was definitely worth it. I learned a lot about myself, and even more about what I wanted in a partner. Without that, I wouldn't have been ready for funnyguy.
Good luck, it's not easy!
Moody, who usually prefers the easy way
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Huhnee, you're fishin' in the wrong pond.
Soonee and Moody say it best. I like what those two write a lot and chime in I agree!
I am not into the bar scene so it is hard for me to really comment on that - except on the few occasions I do go there it seems like a pick up meat market where the interest is just one night. And I really want to date casually until I find someone worthy of a relationship. I have a few good interests that get me out of the house doing things I like and that is good - I always hope to meet someone that way. But I do supplement this with online dating and have currently met a few nice guys I am dating that way.
Chances are, all that glitters is not gold - what your friend is having might not be what you want after all.
I think if you participate here you will read a lot of good stories and then you will do just fine.
Welcome!
I'm not really into the bar scene either and i've tried online dating too but the only thing i got from that was guys that were no where near what i wanted, men that were just nasty or 50 and 60 year old men wanting to be my sugar daddy or my two favorites, one guy that wanted me to be his submissive sex slave and another who told me that i am exactly what his ideal woman looks like i just need to change EVERYTHING about myself to suit him. I'm not doing any of that. I'm not looking for a one night stand either, that's just not me. I've done that before to help get over my ex husband and while it did work that's just not something i want to continue doing.
The pond here is really small, where i live is 95% military, both of my ex husbands were military and everyone that i know is. Most of the military guys that are here only want the one night stands or is looking for a marriage right off the bat just for the extra money. I don't want to do that either. I do know what i want, i want the strong man with a soft center, that wants to be a dad to my kids and not tell one lie after another and then walk out on them because i won't be a submissive housewife and cater to a man's every beck and call. That and i won't put up with cheating, i tend to attract those kind of men. Every guy that i have been in a relationship with has cheated on me. When i asked them why it was because i had either just had one of my boys or the other woman was just so damn hot. Their words not mine. The only places around here to meet any man is the bars and nightclubs and the local street racing drag stip. But the guys that go out there are also military and are ususally around the age of 18 to 24. I would like to meet someone my age. I think part of my problem has to do with the fact that i haven't had really any decent male attention. I don't know if that sounds bad or not. Sure i have attention from my 3 boys but i am also needing that adult companionship in some ways. I guess you could say i really feel alone and it doesn't help when my sister in law tells me how wonderful her marriage to my brother is or my best friend telling me how this guy or that guy wants her. I really don't understand any of this. I really don't. If you made it this far thanks for reading and thank you for the replies that i did recieve, i think i will be on this board more. Just as long as i have time of course with my kids running around lol.
I think any one of us here could have written your post.
The good thing that I get out of reading it, is that you know what you want and that you are worth getting it and that you are not going to put up with anything less. By you writing that and sticking to it, you are going to find it.
The only thing I can say is that I do totally understand everything you write and your frustration.
Have patience and faith. And stay here and participate with us - you can learn a lot. And when you see some of us screening and finding a good one you will have hope. As we all do.
Online dating is interesting. The jury is still out on what I think of it. I think that you do have to put up with a lot of mismatches and jerks who only want sex or wierdos or married men. It brings a lot of people near you that you would not otherwise meet. There are nice guys out there. It is a matter of time and numbers and luck to find them. I did it for a while and got sick of it - now I am back out there again.
I came really close to finding one that was into me and a nice guy who wanted a relationship - but he drank a LOT - much more than I was comfortable with. So I threw him back out to sea and I am looking again. I am learning to date many casually to learn more about them and see if we are a match. I think I am doing good at screening them via email and the phone. It is just a matter of time.
Enjoy your 3 boys - they must keep you really busy!! I have one boy and he is wonderful.
HUGS to you and good luck. I hope you stick around. And the others will come here and offer advice, too. They are great ladies here.