New to the game again! Need advice!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2004
New to the game again! Need advice!
8
Wed, 10-01-2008 - 10:06pm

Wow!


Dating in the 21st century, who knew it would be this different. I am 39 years old and coming out of a 10 yr marriage with two small children. If I go to the bar 35 y/o's love me (too immature), if I go on-line 50 y/o's love me. The men I love aren't interested. I have now been broken via e-mail, done hot and steamy txt messaging with no real outcome and have been out with a guy 4 times where I have to go dutch and he thinks its sexy. UGH!


THIS SUCKS!


Any words of wisdom, advice, or mutual venting is greatly appreciated!


-Memphis

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2006
Wed, 10-01-2008 - 10:52pm

"been out with a guy 4 times where I have to go dutch and he thinks its sexy."


ARG!!!! CHEAPO!!!


I'm 30, and finding this dating business waaaay different from when I dated in my 20s, childless, then eventually met my husband. I can't believe some of the drama that still exists like I'm still in my 20s or teens even lol but dating with kids, wow, its a different world.


Happy to have ya! Just jump right in and join us!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Thu, 10-02-2008 - 10:58am

If you had asked me 5 yrs ago, if I would ever be single and dating again, I would have laughed at you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Thu, 10-02-2008 - 1:40pm

Hi Memphis!


Glad to have you aboard! I'm 39 also--- so NOT looking forward to the 40 next year. Anyway, I see what you mean about 35 y/o bar guys and then the OLD guys being 50+...you're looking for something in between. I'd not find Mr Dutch very appealing. He things thats sexy? Funny! Not!


Some guys under 35 and over 50 are great...you just gotta find the exceptions :o) My guy is 53 and he's all that and a bag of gladiator chips.


We look forward to hearing your stories and sharing with you. Welcome!!

pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-02-2008 - 2:51pm

Welcome to the board Memphis chick!!!!

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2004
Sun, 10-05-2008 - 12:19am

Thank you and so love your response....


So not happy to be here... but thank you and the other responses... I need support in huge way.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Sun, 10-05-2008 - 11:45am

Oy. I know how you feel.

I am 44, was married for 18 years, never "dated" much before that...was a serial monogamist. My ex is a real jerk, a narcissist/bipolar/alcoholic so I learned a lot of funky coping mechanisms. At the one year anniversary of my divorce I decided to plunge back in, figuring I had given myself a year to "recover".

I have no time to meet anyone or any real opportunity, given I have the kids 24/7, I am an elementary school teacher AND all my friends are married or don't know any available men.

I have done OLD with mixed results. I did wind up dating a guy for a few months and finally "dear John-ed" him. Just as a goof yesterday, I looked at his original profile...he says he is 5 inches taller than he really is and also says he has a degree that he doesn't have. Gave me quite a chuckle. I have had a few dates which didn't amount to much, currently I am talking to two guys and meeting one this week, so we will see.

I, too, have had men from Ames, Iowa email me (I live in CT), men who are older than my mother, men not much older than my son, men who have no education...even though I am very specific about that in my profile. Men who don't want to deal with kids, even though I have two. I think most don't actually read the profile. In my case, I also think because I live in a wealthy town they think I am rich...ha ha joke's in them.

I don't know the "rules", though I did just check the book out of the library yesterday. It makes some sense to be honest. To this point, I have yet to have a guy ask me to go Dutch, even though I always offer, but according to the rules, I am not supposed to do.

Having the kids does make it harder because you can't be very spontaneous and it eliminates a lot of guys from the pool. But then again, at our age, I am a little suspicious of guys who have never been married or have kids. I find that by limiting myself to divorced guys with kids the assortment isn't as big, but it gives us a lot more to talk about.

Vent any time. That is why we are here. I am having such a time trying to figure out this dating thing, I can use all the help I can get, too!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sun, 10-05-2008 - 10:03pm
I know all about the age thing ........ seems under 35, & even under 30! Love me .... & over 55. Yikes. Im 40. Where ARE all the hot, nice, wealthy (ok, kidding there) 40-45 yr old men???
Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket Rebecca, Mom to Averey Elise, age 8, my big 3rd grader!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sun, 10-05-2008 - 10:04pm
Yeah, Lawn Boy WAS 54 .... so there can be some that age ok ... but he was an enigma

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