New guy, jealous 6 yr.old how to intro?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2007
New guy, jealous 6 yr.old how to intro?
3
Sun, 02-11-2007 - 1:04pm

In the past year my 6 year old daughter has become increasingly jealous whenever I am talking to another adult. When I go to my parents house or I have someone over she does everything she can to get my attention. She crawls on my lap and starts pulling on my face or just about anything she knows will anoy me. She even does this when I am on the phone. I've tried redirecting her, putting her off my lap, time outs and talking to her about letting me alone while talking to other adults.

Now I have a new man. They haven't met yet, but I'm really worried that when they do she will make a spectacle of herself and scare him off. I know that we can do stuff like Chuck E. Cheese where she will be distracted, but we can't do that all the time.

How do I prepare her and him for the inevitable jealousy issue? What can I do to keep her from needing so much attention?

Any ideas are appreciated!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
Sun, 02-11-2007 - 5:17pm

My son does the same thing. Any other adult. AAARGH!!

What I have done is give strict time outs even if that means interrupting a phone call or conversation. My son is very easily amused, so time outs are "nose to the wall." so he cant happily twiddle his thumbs. He doesn't have to put his nose on a wall, just face a blank wall for a few minutes.

When you guys are all ready to introduce the kid to the man, tell your daughter exactly what is expected of her. I also had a ready made solo activity for my son on occasions where he has to be on the ball, so he didn't have to spend the whole time playing polite and had something special for himself. Also tell the bf that you are working proactively and preventively with your daughter about attention seeking behaviors. Tell him exactly what you have to do as a mom if she acts up... and follow through. He will respect that. Also coach him not to say things like "oh it's okay..." to contradict you. It isn't okay for her to try to steal the show. That drives me crazy when my bf says oh it's okay when I am trying to be a consistent parent. I must taolk with him about that soon, too!

I have a hand signal code for timeout with my son so I can give him one without speaking. this is great for phone calls and situations where I don't need to makea spectacle. It took a long time, but my son is finally very proud of overcoming much of this problem and I am proud of both of us!!

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sun, 02-11-2007 - 6:53pm

Does your 6 year old have play dates with other kids? Or other friends to play with?

If so, have a talk with her and ask her about how she likes having a special friend that comes to play with her and not you. Then explain that you are having a friend over to talk to you - just like her. And that she would not like you stealing her friend and leaving her by herself - so she may not do that to you.

Explain that you will both talk to her and play with her but then she has to behave nicely and not take over the play date.

I would rent her a nice movie or buy a few new toys/gizmos - so you do make the introduction and time spent a positive thing. And make sure you both make a big fuss over her in the beginning.

I would keep the introduction short and just introduce him as a friend - no PDA. As time progresses you can make the time spent a little longer. Always let her know what is expected in advance and have something fun for her to do and something good to eat.

Kids always do their best when they get enough attention and are content - not too hungry, thirsty, tired or bored. And when they know what is expected of them.

Welcome and let us know how you do!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 4:54pm
Does she get along with peers her own age? I ask because I'm wondering if she's socially inappropriate or merely defiant. One calls for therapy and the other calls for discipline.