new guy & my bratty kid incident

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2006
new guy & my bratty kid incident
6
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 2:17pm

Hi all. I'm new to this board. I wonder if any of you have had a similar experience to the one I'm going to share and if so, how in the world do you deal with it? I'm just so embarrassed... I've been talking to this WONDERFUL guy I met online. We chat and talk on the phone for hours. He's a few years younger than me, very respectful, laidback and also a single parent. He just hasn't been divorced as long as I have.

Well, last night we were talking on the phone. My daughter was sitting on the couch next to me and and my teenage son walked by and flicked her on the head, and she screamed bloody murder! I'm sure the neighbors thought I was beating her. She's normally a well-behaved kid. But I was mortified and had to cut the call short real fast. He acted concerned and asked what happened, so I explained to him very quickly while trying to remain calm and all the while she's wailing her brains out. I told him I needed to go calm her down and he was like, So I'll talk to you a lil later? and I was just like, Ok bye. But by the time I finished with her, I was exhausted and too embarrassed to call him back :(

I'm so sad over this whole thing, because I really like this guy. Sometimes I think I should just wait til my kids are older to try and have a relationship, but I really would like to have someone special in my life. And I don't want to end up like my mom, all puttin' my life on hold and ending up alone at 50+.

Other than the question of has anyone else been so embarrassed like this by something their kids have done around a bf (or potential bf lol), should I have called him back last night? Should I call him today or wait for him to call me? And if I call, what the heck do I say...sorry my kid nearly blew your ear drum out; she's normally so good...LOL Any suggestions would be very much appreciated!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 3:35pm

Hi!

You have absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about! I am sure this guy totally understands and, as a single parent, doesn't think anything negative of you about it that should make you feel embarrassed. Let's face it, that it what kids do sometimes! Stuff out of the blue!

I definitely would call this guy back since you seem to like him so much! Tell him the truth. I would just say, "sorry I didn't get a chance to call you back. I had to deal with my daughter and after that, I was just exhausted!" I am sure he will understand and not think anything of it. I certainly don't think it is a dealbreaker, or something to make you think you should not be dating at all.

Don't be so hard on yourself! Things don't always go perfectly smooth when balancing being a mom and a having a life outside of that. But, you'll be great!

Good luck and keep us posted!

HappyDays

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 4:06pm

Don't fret about it, as a parent himself he will probably empathize with you.
When my adult kids were younger they did a thousand and one things to embarass
and upset me at the wrong time, and kids are born with a built in radar to act up when
you're either on the phone or have a splitting headache and want peace and quiet.

By all means call him back as you could end up having good parenting
stories to share.

The T Girl
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2006
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 4:21pm
Thanks ya'll so much for the replies! Well, I called and got his VM, so I left a msg apologizing for ending the convo so abruptly and that I hoped he didn't think I was rude. We'll see if I hear back from him! LOL
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 8:56pm

Welcome!

I totally know how frustrated you feel. Kids have the ability to totally stress/frustrate us. Never to mention when you are enjoying talking to a prospective bf on the phone!

The only thing I can offer, besides the sympathetic ear, is a few positive strategies.

First of all, the kids will help you be a little less available - which can be a good thing in the beginning to make you more interesting and keep you slow. They can also help show your good side for handling things of this nature - and who to better appreciate that than a single dad himself.

In all my observations of children out of control (stores, airplanes mostly), the key issue is the parent's reaction. If you are totally stressed and yelling, it becomes much more of a scene than if you laugh, take it in stride and distract the kid - I think this is with young or old kids.

The only thing you can do is to do what you did and get off the phone promptly. That is what I would do. I might try to have a word with the kids prior to getting on the phone about expected behavior and a reward for giving it - or to plan the more lengthy phone conversation for when they are in bed.

Hope this helps. What seemed to be a totally frustrating and embarassing situation can have a good spin - hope I helped somehow!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2006
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 9:06pm

Amen, clwest! LOL Very well said. Thank you for the feedback.

And he ended up calling me back this evening and he didn't bring it up, so neither did I LOL

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Fri, 12-08-2006 - 2:20pm

No, I think you did the right thing by not calling him back. Wait for him to call you.

I've had that happen to me before. When I first start dating my SO, I actually would not speak to him on the phone unless my son was in bed for the night. I told him that he could call me after 8:30, but not before then. My DS has a form of autism, so behavior problems are the norm for us.

Only after I dated my SO for several months did I introduce him to my DS. If you allow the man to get to know YOU as a person, he will become emotionally invested in you and will be able to accept your children.