New & have a question...
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New & have a question...
| Wed, 04-13-2005 - 2:03pm |
Hello all. I am new here. My name is Jen and I am 30, with a 4 yo son. My divorce is almost FINAL, YEAH!! I was wondering how do you introduce "new" people to your child/ren. My STBX has already had is OW living with him, so son has been forced to be around her. I think a slower more casual setting will be my choice. But how will I know when I am ready to have him meet someone??? Suggestions please....

The easy answer is that when you get to that point, you come here and ask us and give us the specifics of the situation and we'll all give you our advice!
There are many good ways to introduce your child to a new person, but I will say the most important thing is to wait until you know the relationship is headed for marriage or something like that. The only reason for someone to meet your child is if they are going to be involved in your child's life for the long-term.
I think you'll know when you are ready, and you will have dicussed it a lot with your new love and it will seem like the next logical step to take.
Welcome to the board Jen!
I think you'll get some different answers to your question. I, personally, don't think there's 100% right answer to the question. (oh if only it were so simple) You have to trust your instincts. For me, I hardly introduced my kids to anyone I dated. One guy, I only introduced them after several months at his request and his assurance that he was in it for the long haul. Well, he and I aren't together anymore.
Then I have my current SO who I introduced the kids to after about a month and he has become part of our family and they love him like a dad. We've been together for almost 4 years, living together for 3 1/2 or so.
My ex on the other hand has introduced my kids to so many women, I lost count. They have been totally devastated with all the losses. He has been engaged twice and lived with another woman since we split. And then there are women in between those ones that he allowed them to meet too. To me, not healthy at all.
I think a good place to start is knowing the guy is someone worthy of being in a relationship with you. Then knowing he's worthy of having a relationship with your son. And only when you really feel that way about him do you let him meet him.
Hugs and good luck!
Tara
HI!
Welcome to the land of single parenthood and dating! I dated a whole variety of different people once I separated from my ex, and out of the dozen or so men I dated, only 2 met my child.
One was too soon, and probably a mistake. Although we were very close, I knew in my heart we weren't long term, and in hindsight, I would have chose to hold back on that one.
The second one, I "knew" I was ready to introduce about 4 months into dating. We had been exclusively dating from almost the very beginning, had talked a bit about the future, and had passed the "three month bump." It was a mutual decision to meet eachother's children at that point.
It's such a delicate matter...I learned that you don't want to do it too soon, but you also don't want to wait until there's a ring on your finger, because if they don't get along, or there is friction, it could result in heartbreak for everyone.
Good luck! :)