New here....

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2003
New here....
9
Thu, 12-30-2004 - 11:03am
Hello all. I am new to the board (although I think I sneaked over here a few times before) I am recently divorced (October of this year) I was married for 2.5 years, seperated for 6 months. I have a ten month old daughter.
Ok, so I have been 'introduced' to a guy (who is my mom's friend's son's friend). My mom's friend gave him my email and we have been emailing back and forth for a little over a week. Playing the game that I hate, you know, waiting a day or two in between emails to show we aren't deperate. LOL! I guess it is similar to the phone game (before the internet existed). Anyway, we exchanged pictures and we have common interests. But I am new to Online Dating. I checked out the online dating board but it really doesn't fit my situation cause I am not doing this through the personals. How long should this emailing thing go one before we meet? There is only so much I can learn through emails, besides, I am more of an in-person type person. I gave him a compliment in my last email to show that I was interested. Any advice you can give would be helpful. THANKS!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
In reply to: mixedupmom2b
Thu, 12-30-2004 - 11:17am

Have you talked to him on the phone yet? I think meeting sooner is better. Some prefer to get to know them in email and on the phone first. But I think you develop expectations of how the person acts, manerisms and true looks and can end up disappointed when you finally end up meeting. The key is to meet in a public place the first time so you can feel safe and still get to know him.

Maybe it's a little safer since he's a friend of your mom's friend's son (did I get that right?), but I still would not take any chances. Usually you wait a while before letting them know where you live, where you work, your last name, your work email and number, etc. Stay as anonymous as possible until you are sure you want a relationship so you don't end up with a stalker :) Also, only give him one number to call, either cell or home phone, and give the one you wouldn't mind changing. I always give my home phone number because I don't ever use it and it wouldn't bother me to change the number if I used it. It would bother me if I had to change my cell phone number. Or even better, tell him you will call him and don't give him your number at all. You can hit *somethingorother and block your number from his caller ID.

I met my bf on yahoo personals. I really didn't think much of his ad, it was funny but I thought he was too good looking and to in shape for me. I'm more average looking and the couch potato type (well, I used to be anyway). When I met him he struck me as totally different than he did on the phone and I was instantly impressed with him. If I had kept talking to him on the phone, I might have written him off! I did almost cancel our date because I had a date the night before him that went really well, but I kept the date because I had already made it and felt bad canceling. Compared to the other guy, my bf was a much better date, much better looking, much more personable and interesting and intellectual. There are just so many things you see in person that you don't see online or on the phone.

But really, there are no right answers. I know others have met men online so I am sure they will have different advice for you. Welcome to the board :)




Edited 12/30/2004 11:29 am ET ET by firstamendment

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: mixedupmom2b
Thu, 12-30-2004 - 12:03pm

Hi and welcome to the board! I am glad you found us. ;)


I hate the game too. So I wonder, why play it? Are you "desperate" because you're emailing/calling a lot, OR are you just excited and interested? I never really played it. I guess I broke rules. ;)


I think it's MORE than reasonable to meet for a coffee/drink at this point. A short face to face get to know you meeting seems pretty important to me. No reason to continue email flirtation until you know there is some kind of chemistry. Personally I don't think you can know that until you've met someone.


Welcome again. I hope you stick around. I look forward to hearing how this turns out for you!

Becky

Becky

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
In reply to: mixedupmom2b
Thu, 12-30-2004 - 12:36pm

Welcome to the board!


I prefer the "non date" meetings.

Kim

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2004
In reply to: mixedupmom2b
Thu, 12-30-2004 - 8:30pm

Hi! I'm new here too. (At least I still "feel" new here! :) )
I agree with the others who suggested that you meet him soon. I've met a couple of guys online and had kind of a false sense of chemistry. It seemed like they were Mr. Perfect and that we would get along so well. As soon as I met these guys, I knew that they were not what I expected them to be. Looking back on the experiences, I know that they might have been someone I would have been compatable with if I had been more realistic about them. Instead, I felt that I knew them and built them up in my head to be someone they weren't. Does that make sense?
Anyway, that was the long way around saying "meet him soon!" :)

Just out of curiosity....he's the son of a friend of your mother? It makes me think of second cousin twice removed...what the heck does that mean?? LOL

Good luck!

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2003
In reply to: mixedupmom2b
Thu, 12-30-2004 - 10:10pm
LOL! No he isn't a twice removed cousin. He is the friend of my mom's friend's son. I know it sounds weird! Anyway, I am hoping that he will ask to meet me soon. I gave him a compliment in my last email, which I hope he gets that I am interested. I am old fashioned that way and I won't ask him out first. It's so hard finding time to meet and date people as it is, and this online thing has me a little freaked cause I never know what to say in an email. Plus like you said, you don't want to envision the perfect person and then meet and be disappointed. Thanks for posting.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
In reply to: mixedupmom2b
Fri, 12-31-2004 - 8:22am
Agree that meeting sooner rather than later is better to discover if that illusive 'chemistry' is there - better to invest your time with something with potential rather than waste your efforts going nowhere.

MS
A man's got to do what a man's got to do.
A woman must do what he can't.

MS
Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: mixedupmom2b
Fri, 12-31-2004 - 10:28am

Hi Mistress!


I don't remembe seeing your user name before, and so I wanted to send you a big welcome! Feel free to start a new post with an introduction.


Glad you joined us!

Becky

Becky

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
In reply to: mixedupmom2b
Fri, 12-31-2004 - 10:57am

Thanks for the welcome.

MS
Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: mixedupmom2b
Fri, 12-31-2004 - 11:19am

I am so sorry for your loss. ((((hug))))


But yes, the issues are still mostly the same. You still go through a grief process and you are still in charge of everyone. That's so much pressure. I hope you have a really good support system (family/friends) available to you.

Becky

Becky