new here and questions,m?

Avatar for my3girls2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
new here and questions,m?
8
Wed, 01-31-2007 - 2:47pm

hi there,, I was hoping for some advice or just to see if anyone has been here.

I am wondering if any of the woman have left their house. Meaning the husband stays in the home you were married in. How did you do this? Get an apartment? but a house? Is there help out there for a singal mother with 3 kids? I just don't know how to do any of this. I was a sahm for 15 yrs, I have no job,

just wondering how other woman made this work? thanks so much!








RemMomGB.jpg
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Wed, 01-31-2007 - 3:56pm

Leaving the house is not a good legal move if you want to retain custody of your children (even if you take the kids with you). I don't know your situation, but you should probably consult with a lawyer. You can go to court and get temporary, exclusive use of the home. You could probably get temporary spousal support and child support orders while you settle custody/divorce matters.

However, I do not know your situation at all. Why are you contemplating leaving the house? Leaving the house and leaving a spouse are two separate issues.

Avatar for my3girls2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 01-31-2007 - 4:52pm
well I am thinking of leaving my dh. He says he doesn't have a problem and wouldn't leave. We built this house togther. so I guess if he won't leave I will. I HAVE no idea what to do, who to ask help for or anything. I would like to think we could just remain civil.
I also just would like to try seperating.?????







RemMomGB.jpg

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Wed, 01-31-2007 - 5:06pm

My exh left because I asked him to. I would never leave the house and do agree with fivesense on this matter - but then again I have my own business and crunched the numbers and knew I could make it on my own.

I think the only other option you have is if your family lives near you.

Otherwise unless the decision to hang in there is absolutely unbearable, you might want to do something about your income situation if you can? That is what I would do. Otherwise talk to an attorney before you do anything.

Avatar for my3girls2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 01-31-2007 - 5:22pm
I have ''some'' money not enough to buy ahouse but enough for down payments and closing costs... If I am the one that wants out.. shouldn't I leave?







RemMomGB.jpg

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Wed, 01-31-2007 - 8:00pm

Not without talking to a lawyer first. While it may seem tempting for the stress on the short term, what will you do if he cries abandonment and tries to get full custody and take the kids away? THAT is a serious worry. You could have an all out custody battle that does not rule in your favor. Possession is 9/10ths of the law. Be very careful. Go see an attorney tomorrow - you don't have to pay - and no one will know. The best ones are board certified - but any local one that has time to talk to you now will do.

Can you move into a different room of the house? Or make him do that?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
Wed, 01-31-2007 - 10:24pm

A lot depends on the situation. Why do you require cusstody? In some cases, dads can make excellent custodial parents, too. Maybe I missed some posts and you explained this.

If things are not bitter, maybe with the help of legal teams you and he can work out a kid-sharing deal where the kids retain good contact with both of you.

These situations are so complex. i would recommend seeing a family counselor in addition to a lawyer to help you keep perspective about what the important family issues are through the separation/divorce. It is an easy time to lose perspective.

All the best, hoping everyone involved is sane and reasonable... including the lawyers ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Thu, 02-01-2007 - 2:23am

Hi
I can't give you any legal advice, as I am not from the US and don't know how it all works there. But, emotionally, I believe it is better for you and the children to stay in the house if possible. If you do decide to separate, it will be a big upheaval for your kids, and it is far better for them to stay in familiar surroundings.

Obviously, the financial question is a big one. Is there any way you could increase the amount of time you work? If your partner/husband is a reasonable person, you will receive child support from him I suppose, and with three children this should be a reasonable sum of money. In my country, if the ex-wife does not work, the ex-husband also has to pay some money to support her, if she has custody of the children (which I presume you want).

But, as the others mentioned, you should seek legal advice as soon as possible, do some math, and see if it would be financially viable for you to stay where you are, as this would be the best solution for you all.

It all seems very scary at first - I'm sure everyone here will vouch for that. But it can be done, and single montherdom can be very rewarding, in spite of the hard work. It is definitely preferably to staying in an unhappy marriage or partnership for the sake of the children. A happy mom is a good mom.

Good luck. Rooting for you,

Clem xx

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Thu, 02-01-2007 - 8:30am
My best advice would be to stay in the house and have him removed through a court order. You make yourself too vulnerable if you leave the house. It jeopardizes your future claim to the house and child custody. Kids stay with the house.