New here :D

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2007
New here :D
5
Sat, 04-05-2008 - 6:34am
I have been separated for almost 6 years, struggling to get my divorce, long story for another time. I have three daughters, only one at home now, she is 7 and special needs.
I am a survivor of domestic abuse but have taken the time (5yrs) to get counseling and to show myself I can stand on my own two feet, that I do not NEED a man to take care of me.
I have had a few dates, but they have not gone anywhere, seems I met selfish men who wanted more of my time than I could give with my DD's needs.
There seems to be a very special man though. We met randomly on some board, can't remember which LOL. We started emailing, then IMing, and then texting and calling, we spend hours on the phone like teenagers :). He is planning a trip up here in about 6 weeks so we can meet and spend some real time together. He lives about 7 hours away, I'm up state, he is down state.
My question is how do I handle my families negativity? They do not see me as I am today, stronger, more in control of my life, independent. I am no longer anyones door mat. I have left that life behind me. I have worked very hard to become the person I am today.
This man, henceforth known as BE, could become an important part of my life. We connect on so many levels and have the same values. He understands about my DD and even has researched her difficulties so he can understand them better. He has even talked to her on the phone when she has gotten to it before me.... she is one fast bunny :D
My family has noticed a change in me, my Mom even said that the anti depressants seem to be working better. Uhm, no Mom, I am off all of them, LoL. ( my doctor decided it was time to see if I could stop them since I have done so well in counseling and making changes in my life)
Any advice would be so greatly appreciated.
Thank you and I am so glad to be joining your group, from what I have read so far you seem like a wonderfully supportive, fun group.
Simply
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
Sat, 04-05-2008 - 7:07am

Hi Simply,

Unfortunately I and a few others on this board can relate to ending a domestic abuse relationship. I post often on abuse and domestic violence boards here. They are very supportive people.

As far as your question goes. My advice is to do what you believe is right and your family will come around eventually. My family was skeptical about me too. But I did what I wanted and left it to that. They dont make the decisions in my life.

You were smart and strong to take time out for yourself. My abusive relationship ended just 6 weeks ago. I think I should do the same thing. I dont even want a committed relationship right now.

Welcome

Laurie

anonymous
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sat, 04-05-2008 - 9:16am

Welcome!! Glad to hear you have gotten stronger - that is very good.

As to your question - how do you handle the negativity - do not tell them your private life. I never share my dating stories with my family because they would never begin to understand what dating is like today - they only remember what it was like decades ago.

You should be careful with this one - he sounds good on paper and on the phone but you have to start all over when it comes to "IRL" - in real life. Go slow and see how it goes. Long distance relationships do have risk so you should read all you can about the particulars and be aware of them. I would also do background checks on him - that is very easy to do online and I always do that for everyone I date - to make sure they are not married, they own their house like they say they do and that they do not have DUIs, domestic violence or felonies. I have found multiple divorces, domestic violence charges, married people, DUIs, etc on people I have met online and IRL. Not a lot, granted, the odds are with you, but you still should do that for peace of mind since you are a woman and a parent to boot.

I would tell them you are a big girl now and do appreciate their love and help and concern and when one is serious and you are sure it works they will meet that person. But for now - do not tell them anymore.

Keep us posted - we always love dating stories and are here to help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Sat, 04-05-2008 - 5:30pm

Hi simply, welcome to the board.


First of all, congratulations on leaving the abusive marriage and working on yourself!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Sat, 04-05-2008 - 6:44pm

Hi Simply!


Welcome to the board, and congratulations for getting out of an abusive situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2008
Sun, 04-06-2008 - 12:28am

Hello Simply,


I also understand your situation, my DS is a very "special" child.