New Here, Just need to talk
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New Here, Just need to talk
| Tue, 11-22-2005 - 9:45am |
I just found this board, and as I was reading a lot of these posts I found my life is so much like some of ya'lls. I'm 21, and have a 13 month old little boy. He's was obviously very un-expected, but now that he's here, I don't know what I would do without him, he's my light. My ex is a HUGE bully, always threatening to try to take him away. I know that would never be possible, though, so it doesn't worry me, he can threaten all he wants. No judge in their right mind would give him, custody over me. He is very well taken care of, loved un-conditionally, has his own room, has a steady routine, ect. My ex also has a little girl from another woman, she's three, and a little terror. My ex lives with his bestfriend in a two bedroom apt., when he has his daughter (every other week) she sleeps in bed with him. The weekends he's supposed to have her he pawns her off on his mother or sister, god forbid he should give up his weekends. This poor little girl doesn't know where home is between her mom and dad (mom's not that great either!). Anyway, point, not only is there room for another child, living conditions and mental state of the child would not be that great should he be with my ex! From the day I brought him home from the hospital, Joey (my ex) thought he should negin getting him every other week. He would say to me, he's my son too, and I expect things to be the same with him as they are with Lilly. I told him he was crazy to think a newborn would be jumping from home to home every other week. Not only is that not healthy for him, but I don't trust you, and he needs his mommy. He never gave Kaden any money, never helped support him at all. When Kaden got a little bit older I would let him take him for a few hours on a Sunday afternoon, and I would have to send formula, clothes, blankets, and bottles with him!!!! He wouldn't even go out and get the few things he needed to take him for a few hours. Finally I told him, that's it, if you can't pay, you can't see him. Well, he tells me he doesn't have the money, and I'm sitting here thinking "and what, I do?". Come to find out, not only did he buy ANOTHER four wheeler, but he went out and bought a JET SKI!!!!!!!!!! I was livid!!!! He decided he wanted to stay out of Kaden's life, and that was fine with me. There is one HUGE problem, though, some how he always finds out when I am dating a guy, and he does everything in his power to keep it from happening. Terrorizing the guy I'm dating, scaring them off, ect. He said, if I'm not going to be Kaden's father, no one is! I was like, that was your choice, never mine! I gave you the option, and you opted to bail. Dating is so hard for me because I feel I'm constantly looking over my shoulder to see if Joey is there, it's so frustrating!

To me it sounds like your ex is being very reactive and immature. I think all you can do is to make sure you keep your private life private and keep the peace as best you can.
It is a shame that he can have such a callous attitude towards his own children and not be there for them. That is truly a loss for him and the kids.
I know you would want your future husband to be to adopt your child, but this is thinking ahead a lot. You probably have bills and suffer hardship now trying to make ends meet on your own. Did you ever think of pursuing child support from him in a legal manner? I think you should try to do that and see if he will ever really be in the child's life. You don't want to question that later. And you don't want to strap your new partner with the expectation that they have to be a parent to your child and adopt her.
If he ever did want visitation it would work against you that you have said he could not have access.
I wish you well with whatever you choose - only you can know what is best for you. It does sound like you have handled everything as best as you can so far.
First off, I agree with Judy that you need to seek child support from your ex.
Kaden's Mom,
THAT MUST BE SO HARD!!
Your x is very, very angry and doesn't want you to move on!! My sister's x was and STILL is like that!!
But she's breaking away from him!! The law is on her side and they've gone through a long and BITTER custody battle for TEN YEARS!! They were married for less than a year and it's been a nightmare ever since!!
Hunter is AFRAID of his dad!! His dad has to have EVERYTHING his own way when he stays with him and Hunter's picking up bad habits from his dad. Hunter likes it, because his dad is rich and has all the fancy toys and game stuff that kids like. BUT his dad IGNORES him when he's there!! And Hunter has a weight problem from all the stress between his parents!! And he's ONLY 10!!
He's a beautiful, beautiful little boy, who is EXTREMELY gifted in music!! He can sing to ANY kind of music and he's done it since he was a baby!! He plays the piano and the drums, just BEAUTIFULLY!
The last big bout was this May. And the judge didn't STAND for Brent's crap!! This has been going on for so LONG!!
My parents have been helping my sis fight it and they're well to do, but they're not millionaires! And Brent just kept appealing EVERY SINGLE TIME!!
He's just mad because she left him and she had a RIGHT TO, because he had his hands around her throat WITH THE BABY IN HER ARMS!!! He's DROP DEAD GORGEOUS, has an anorexic girlfriend and thinks he can get ANYTHING HE WANTS FROM WOMEN!!
But Hunter can choose who he wants to live with when he's 12. And he LOVES his mom and gets along GREAT with her!! Our family is praying for when that day comes.
My advice to you is to get all the legal help you can!! You can get free Legal Aid from the government. And you can do some research and find some more programs.
DON'T LET HIM KEEP DOING THIS TO YOU!! You don't have to live like this!! And this is the PERFECT board for you, because the leaders probably have more resources!!
I was lucky, because Newt just left my life, no questions asked. It was a lot of pain and heartache, but it's better now. He's paying child support, after a DNA test.
But TAKE ACTION!! YOU DON'T NEED TO SUFFER!! THE LAW AND THE GOVERNMENT IS ON YOUR SIDE!!
Pray everyday for the courage and strength to make it through and GOD WILL HELP YOU!! HE WILL WORK THINGS OUT!!! But you have to do the footwork and when you get up in the morning, just PRAY for courage and strength!!
IT WILL ALLLLLLL WORK ITSELF OUT SWEETHEART!! JUST YOU WAIT AND SEE!!
LOVE AND HUGS,
SK