New here. So many dating questions.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2004
New here. So many dating questions.
4
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 3:07pm
I can't believe I'm dating again at 36. Glad to find this site. Short history. Divorced last year. Have joint custody of our 3 year old little boy. Still friends with ex.

Last year after divorce I started dating a also recently divorced man. We got along so good that I was in complete heaven for 10 months. We became so close over the 10 months and I thought I had found a new best friend. NOT! As soon as he figured out that I was having those "loving feelings" he headed for the hills. So not only did he break me heart but I lost my best friend. We used to talk for hours on the phone. It was hard to lose that.

Not long after the break up I meet someone else. Not eaxctly a new person because I had known him for years. Started dating. Now he has 3 boys 5,7 & 10. It's been 4 months. To get to the point he never will see me when he has his boys. I understand why but it still hurts. This past weekend he had the boys. He has them 50% of the time. On almost the exact opposite that I have mine. I knew I wasn't going to actually see him on the weekend but he ended up not calling. I'm hurt. But I didn't have the kids on Saturday so I went out with the girls. I feel like I have an imaginary boy friend.

Thanks for listening. Nice to meet you all.

Lisa
Avatar for cl_tcranky1
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 4:02pm

Hi Lisa


glad to meet you too!


It doesn't sound like a very good start.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 10:36pm
Both of your boyfriends sound fairly typical to me. I hate to say it, but dating in your 30's is rough. I tried to date a guy once who had his kids every weekend. My son visits his dad every other weekend and I have him during the week. This guy who had his kids every weekened would have wanted me to ditch my son during the week for week night dates. UH. NO!!!!

Now, I'm dating a guy who has never been married, no kids. Honestly, I think he's the eternal bachelor. So much fun to hang out with. Such a nice guy, but a complete commitmentphobe. He wants to keep being my boyfriend, but doesn't want to change his life too much. I stay with him because I like the time we spend together. But, I feel very lonely. I broke up with him once and posted about it on the this board, but the break-up didn't take. We're still together, but I think about leaving a lot. He hasn't met my son. I don't want him to meet my son because I don't think he could handle it. This sounds terrible of me, but I'm kind of keeping my options open. We're loyal to each other, but if some other great guy came along I'd jump at that chance to be with someone else. Truth be told....I don't think there's a great guy waiting in the wings.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 1:55pm
Lisa:

Welcome. I know you will like it here. Dating in your 30's is very hard. I'll be 39 in November. My exh left 7 years ago, and I still haven't found Mr. Right yet. I also had a BF who I was crazy about, and just like yours, when there was commitment involved, he booked. Just remember to never lose sight of you or what you want when you are dating. If this new guy isn't working out for you because you never see him and you feel like you are dating an invisible person, you could always put an end to it, and move on. Believe me, there will be other guys. When my exh left, I told myself there would never be any man that would want to date a single mom of twins. I was very wrong. I've had my share of dates, and unfortunately nothing has worked out for me yet. But, I try to stay positive, and during the times when I am not dating, I take care of me and keep busy doing things I enjoy. I'm happier with myself now than at any other time in my single life. Taking care of yourself is important. Like Amy said to Laura, self-confidence = sex appeal. And when you least expect it, someone will come along. Always remember, never settle. You deserve the best, just hold out until you get it. Good luck.

Donna

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 2:28pm
I totally agree with Donna - can't think of anything more to add except what I told my ex "I WILL find someone who will treat me better than YOU!" - I always remember that and that is my goal.

If you are not into this guy he knows it and his presence is preventing you from finding someone else. So maybe it is time for a break - time away - to figure out what you want.