New here - sure hope you can help.....
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| Fri, 10-01-2004 - 10:16pm |
He and I have been friends for 4 years and only started dating at the beginning of the summer. My kids knew him before we started dating so there really wasn't an awkward "introduction". Lately things have been getting more serious and he's been spending quite a bit of time with the kids and I. My daughter is starting to realize that there are deep feelings between the two of us so she has been talking about her dad a lot when my boyfriend is around.
DS and DD really enjoy BF's company and talk about him often when he's not around. They love when he's at our house but they are not yet outwardly affectionate towards him. He LOVES children and would love nothing more than to be a dad.
Here's the problem....he was over tonight and after he left, he called me to tell me he feels like an "outsider" sometimes. I had asked the kids if they wanted to give him a hug a bedtime and neither did. I would never force them but I think this hurt his feelings. He told me that he thinks that this might be too hard for him. I love him deeply. Our relationship is excellent in every other way. We're best friends and laugh constantly when we're together but I'm afraid the potential step-dad role might be too much for him.
Is there anything I can do here? Can I say anything to make him feel better or understand that these things take time?
HELP!!
And thanks in advance.

I hope that you will find this board a source of support and friendship!
I think it's totally natural that your 6 y.o. especially is going to push back a little now that she realizes this man is more than just mom's friend. It's very confusing at that age.
Let me ask, what is the kids' relationship with their dad like? Do they see him regularly? Are the two of you civil?
I think alot of my answer to your question would rely on your info on the above. I'm going to hold off until I see what you have to say.
Meanwhile, hang in there and know these things do take time and a child is more astute than we give them credit for sometimes.
Hugs
Tara