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| Tue, 10-18-2005 - 1:26pm |
Greetings all,
I am new to this board. I found it while I was searching for advice on how to handle the strange zone of single mom, dating new guy, and how to control ones own libido. l*
I have read some of the posts here and they helped me formulate an email response to a very flirtatous email he sent. I was at a loss since I would love to be intimate with this guy. I would also like to see him afterward, so I am leary of sleeping with him too soon. For me, in the past, the third date has been ok...but...the third date is also a time when we may discuss what we are expecting/wanting...ie: more dates/casual relationship/etc.
anyway, the first date was great. We both felt that our meeting wasn't random. Both of us did things out of character that caused us to meet. We went to a local festival at night and sat and talked for a few hours, had a beer, ate a bit, did the chicken dance(long story, but he endeared me by doing it with me). Nothing like a guy who is smart, sucessful, open about his family and himself AND he can be silly?? We laughed all night at silly or sweet things the other said. He seemed to swoon a bit when I talked about spiritual things.
From his reactions to me, my guess is that he doesn't usually meet women like me. A lot of women in my area(So CAL) are into the whole 'hooking up' trend. He told me he had a hard time holding back with me. I told him I felt the same, but wanted to know him better. Then he told me, 'yah, we hardly know eachother'.
He lives 1 hr. from me, so when I see him he has to drive here(I don't have a car), and I live with my 15 yr. old and roomate(she is ok with overnight guests). I have had someone over once since my last long term (8 yrs.) relationship and my son knew I had a guest. I was open with him about the fact that a man I was dating was visiting. We have very open communication. As far as he is concerned, that is the only man I have dated since my ex. In fact, to him the norm is long term relationships. I am pretty proud that I have taught him that ethic by example.
Just to give you an idea of my parenting style, his girlfriend(of 10 mos)is aloud to spend time here w/ his door open and light on. He talks to me about how far they have gone(I know some of you may be cringing, but my mom did that and I delayed intercourse until 18), in our bi-weekly talks about sex, relationships.
My response to the guys amorous email was:" I am tempted by you, but like to have more than one date before I invite someone over. Not that I haven't been thinking about you too. cuz I have.it's because of other people in the house. If we are going to be alone, I'd like some privacy. My roomate doesn't mind, but unless I have been dating someone for a while, I don't want my son bumping into you in the hallway outside my room if he has never met you.
anyway, I'd really like to see you again. we can work on the being alone part."
He did not overtly ask to come over my place, he just expressed that he hoped to be alone with me.
Anyway, that's quite a hello I just gave you all, but you all seem very level headed and non judgemental and I could use some support/advice from people who have been there.
I'm glad to be on this board and I hope I can be a valued contributor.
~Moody Monkey Mom aka T.
Edited 10/18/2005 11:23 pm ET by moody_monkey_mom

Welcome to the Board! Post often.
You've had one date with this guy, is that right? He lives one hour away and he would have to do all of the driving. He kind of hinted around at getting intimate and you told him that would have to wait.
It will be interesting to see if he stays in contact with you. You might not hear from him again and then you would have your answer....he was looking for a casual sexual relationship.
true. you are very right.
well, I am not sure whether I am looking for more or not. depends on how things pan out. I am open to either. I just don't want a one time fling and then *poof* he's gone. I do want to be in a relationship, but in lue of that(as I am a committment phobe) I would like a steady guy to date and have fun with.
we shall see how he responds. his email was not pushy, just told me what he 'hoped', due to our chemistry. to be honest I was very demonstrative in my thank you email to him after our date. I tend to express my sexual attraction fairly early in a dating situation. that alone has not hurt me in past relatiosnhips.
it's excited, and anxiety causing, and flattering, and either way I'll be happy. being a generally happy person stops one from desperation, no? :~)
If you don't want to be a fling then you have to do exactly what you did - hold off on the intimacy until you see that he wants what you want. An hour drive is a lot - so it will be interesting, as fivesense says, to see what happens.
Welcome!
I was reading another thread of a woman dating a younger guy. I just thought I would ad that both flings I have had in the last few years were with 32 yr. old guys. This current guy is 29. Difference between him and men my age? he is more established then most. he grew up in another country. he owns two houses there and wants to buy one here. he is professionally focused and involved in a lot of community activities. ex: helps with a fund raiser for domestic violence victims, he helps his sister manage her art business (I check it out, it's true). dang, this guys sounds great eh?
my mom dated men in that range when she was my age. I'm 37. It work out for her and they were some of the best relationships she ever had.
Hi.
T,
Welcome to the board, do stick around!
Sounds to me like you're serious in looking for a long term committment, but he's not.