New here....silly question

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2003
New here....silly question
5
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 9:12pm
Hi all! I've been lurking around here for about a month and now have a question of my own. My almost ex and I have been separated since May. He's got a girlfriend already and I haven't been out on one date yet! Go figure?

Anyway, I've been talking for a couple of weeks with a great guy that I met online. He only lives about 25 minutes away from me and we have talked about trying to meet soon, possibly this weekend. I asked him what he would like to do and he said he wanted to meet and talk a bit and go slow and do everything right which totally won me over after some of the idiots I've met online! Here's my dumb question, my hubby and I were married for 10 years, high school sweethearts so I really haven't done much dating and its been a long, long time. Whatever J and I decide to do wether it be dinner, drinks or whatever, do I assume that he is paying? I know in high school thats how it worked but now I'm completely lost! Should I take money with me just in case? Should I just ask him? I have no idea, this probably sounds really dumb but I really like this guy and I don't want to screw it up! Help!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2003
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 9:29pm
Presume he's paying (most men still get touchy if you ask) but have money with you and make sure to let someone know where you will be. Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 11:20pm
Let him pay!! Pay him back with a genuine thank you and a sparkle in your eye. It is best this way if he is asking you out and wanting to do everything right - it is part of a good courtship.

You might do good to read the book Mars and Venus on a Date.

Good luck and welcome to our board!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2004
Tue, 10-05-2004 - 11:39am
Now this is something I'm a pro at!!!! (I didn't read the other replies yet, so if I'm redundant to those, I apologize!)

I'm 23 and have been dating A LOT for the past three years. I've dated them all...nice guys who just weren't right for me, complete self-centered fools, superficial freaks, nerds, muscleheads, etc. You name it, I've dated it. And here's the bottom line...there has not be ONE first date that I ever was asked/expected to pay my way....HOWEVER...ALWAYS bring enough cash on you JUST IN CASE.

The way I handle the end-of-the-night-check is this:

The waiter/waitress usually puts it next to the guy. Assuming he picks it up, I'll watch him look it over, then I'll ask, "Can I see that?" or "How much do I put in?" or anything along those lines. It's usually at this point that the guys says, "No, don't worry about it, I got this one." or something to that affect. If I can tell (and at this time, you can always tell) that he truly is a nice guy, I'll just smile and say, "Thank you." (If he's kind of a jerk, I'll offer again to pay my way and if he still refuses, then I'll just accept it.) Because men like to know they are making the woman happy. They like us to be receptive. The most important thing you need to know about dating is ALLOW the man to make you happy...that's their instinctual nature and an unreceptive woman is a turnoff. Also, whenever he does something nice for you, don't ever try to "pay him back." They hate that!!! If you want to do nice things, just do them, but don't ever make him feel like you're trying to give back to him. Just simply give. Not only have I experienced this, but I've asked every man I know about this, and it's true. Just be receptive!!!!

Good luck on your date!!! I hope it goes well!

Keep us posted!

Hugs,

Shelley

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2004
Tue, 10-05-2004 - 11:42am
Mars and Venus on a Date is an excellent book!!!! I've read through it myself (that's where I discovered the key of being receptive!) and it's awesome!!!! Definitely pick it up!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2003
Tue, 10-05-2004 - 1:18pm
Thanks girls, I feel alot better now! I'll definately let you all know how it goes!

Hugs,

Kim