new here...young single mothers?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2004
new here...young single mothers?
4
Tue, 09-16-2008 - 12:23am

I had my DD(6) when I had just turned 20. I was single for 4 years and then I got married. I had a son (1) but we were seperated before we even had our son. I had the baby and my husband came "home" to my house after he got out of the army.


We have since started living seperate. He lives in my brothers house about 20 minutes from me. We havent filed for divorce solely b/c we cant afford it. There is no hope of working things out.


My question is...has anyone been in my situation? What should I expect for th future? I will be a single mother again of 2 kids this time!


I am not really interested in dating right now but I do miss having someone that I love or care about around. He and I have not even been nice to each other since I got pregnant. I was REALLY sick and he started being a jerk. So, (TMI) I havent really thought about sex since I got pregnant!! Almost 2 years ago.


I just feel like I cant move on until I am divorced (obviously) but I mean emotionally too. How am I going to recover from this second failed relationship? Not to mention that my DD is now 6 and knows what is going on unlike when she was 2. I could date and hang out to watch movies and she didnt know what dating was. Now she does I think and it would be weird now b/c she will know.


I feel like I am ready to actually find someone I love and want to spend my life with and someone to share the life of my kids. I do have a son to raise and I'm not sure I can do it all myself.


Thanks for reading


shannon

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Tue, 09-16-2008 - 12:17pm

Welcome, Shannon!


There is a wealth of information and support here. And you are not alone! Your story rings true for many here, and many of the women here were young like you when they became single mommys.


You're right- you can't move on until 1) you are divorced and 2) you are emotionally ready. And honestly getting the divorced done is the easier of the two. I did my divorce myself- through family law. You can go to your county courthouse and the family law department will have forms to do it yourself, and usually there is a lawyer who works to answers questions with you for free. You have to do all the leg work, but it can be done!


As for being ready after the divorce..well that takes more time. But usually about a year of solo, getting your head together time is good. You learn to find yourself again, and you learn in that time that you are capable of standing on your own. And that is crucial..to find your strength, so that when you date, you are not looking for a rescue man out of need, but rather a man and companion to compliment your life and fulfill that desire.


And I'll say that it takes courage..and you are on the right path already. You CAN do this by yourself....we are a group who will show you the proof :o)


Welcome again, Shannon. We look forward to hearing your stories!


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Edited 9/16/2008 12:18 pm ET by cl-pacific_sun
pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2004
Tue, 09-16-2008 - 12:47pm

We want to do our divorce without a lawyer but they changed the ga laws and its harder to get divirced now and we have 1 child together


i called legal aid but they arent helpful at all...oh well guess ill just wait


how long did your divorce take?


i'm over this marriage. we havent lived together since june 2007 and im ready to not be tied to him in any way


thanks for the welcome...shannon

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Tue, 09-16-2008 - 12:58pm

Persistance is the key...here in Ca it's not easy either. In my county if you have children it gets difficult to do your own divorce. There are mandatory classes which in hindsight I appreciated.


All I can say is stick to it.

pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2007
Tue, 09-16-2008 - 9:40pm
Hey Shannon, welcome to the board. I'm 26 as well, so I know how it feels to be young and unable to really do what you want due to kids and money issues. If you ever want to talk I'm always around, although I work some midnights and I keep odd hours, lol.
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