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| Thu, 09-01-2005 - 10:06am |
Hello, everyone I'm new here. I have a big question for only one that can help. I started to talk to somebody. We talked a lot over the telephone. Then we set a date for us to meet person to person. The day went fairly well. But I learned alot about this person. (fairly outspoken, quick tempered, down right rude at times) Now I don't know what to do. I was in very bad relationships in the past. I have been physically, mentally, emotionally abused. It's take alot to win my heart. Because I hold it up very high not be hurt again. I have four loving children 13,11,7,2. And I'm a single mom and have been throughout their lives.
I Know that I don't want that kind of person around my children.
Now just meeting once they have confessed they are in love with me. This has totally scared the very soul of me. How can a person say they love me when they don't know me. I'm not even sure if they know what love is. I'm not in love with them. and they make me feel very uneasy!!!
I have been stalked in the past and I'm scared that this will turn out like that. I'm just not sure what to do could I please have some advice?
Thank you in advance,
Lovedmommy

First of all a big welcome to you - you have come to the right place. We are happy that you have posted here.
If you feel that way after the first date you are so right to ask questions. Always listen to your gut instinct and inner voice. I would not resume any contact with this person whatsoever. Quick tempered and rude on the first date is a HUGE red flag. The fact that he would say he is in love with you after just one meeting is a second HUGE red flag in my opinion. And you have 4 children's lives plus your own at stake. You are smart to see and question this.
I would explain to him that you are not ready to date at this time and do not wish to continue contact. You have your children to raise.
And then you need to completely ignore him.
Keep your head up and hold your standards high. Do not settle.
Keep us posted!! I am sure others will chime in as well.
Hi and Welcome!
Run, Forest, Run!
The rudeness, hot temper, and declaring their love on the first date are classic signs of an abusive personality. You have done well to get out of this kind of situation in the past, and the last thing you want to do is repeat it.
Kelly
LOL Kelly!
I totally agree here about listening to your gut instincts about this man. You know better than anyone about abusive relationships, and since you're ALREADY seeing signs on the FIRST date (when presumably a person is on their BEST behaviour), OUCH! I'd hate to see this guy having a bad day!
You don't owe him anything, so don't feel bad when you write him off. Email him and just tell him that it's not going to work out for you, and not to contact you further. And keep a copy of the email you send him asking him not to contact you, so you can have "backup" for any police report you have to make if he doesn't leave you alone, because you did say to "leave me alone!"
Hopefully he does bow out graciously and you don't have a monster on your hands. If he starts hounding you for "why, why, why" just tell him you realized you're not ready to date yet.
Feel free to stick around the board, we love having new faces!
Alison