New Relationship
Find a Conversation
New Relationship
| Tue, 07-17-2007 - 11:35am |
Hello, Ive been divorced for 19mths now with 2 children, was married for 19 yrs. I met a man last year and we dated for about a month but decided neither of us were ready for a serious relationship so we just remained friends. We didnt see each other but we frequently spoke by phone. Just recently we went out for a drink (June 1st) and have been seeing each other every Friday night since then. We continue to talk by phone, he calls me everyday and things are going fine. He too is divorced, just over 2 yrs and we share an open friendly relationship. Neither of us is looking for marriage but we havent stated that we are "exclusive" either. I am not seeing anyone else and he isnt either, we just haven't had "the talk" about exclusivity. We recently became intimate which has been so wonderful for both of us because neither of us has been with anyone since our spouses. It feels so great to have a special someone in my life again and sometimes the feelings overwhelm me but in a good way. I am leaving for a trip tomorrow for a week so we wont see each other and I think its actually a good time for that. Im wondering if anything needs to be said upon my return about my expectations without scaring him away. Is it too soon to have the talk? He's not real open about sharing his inner feelings with me, I just assume his affection for me is the same as mine for him. He just doesnt say much. I feel like a school kid again, im so happy but a little confused too. Havent dated anyone in 20 years! Is this guy my boyfriend? LOL Help.........

I can give some insight into this.
I am beyond the "ex-wife jealous of ex-husband's girlfriend" drama - and my ex-husband's girlfriend is my MARRIED ex best friend! (That's a long story best left for another time).
We have moved to the point (after being divorced 6 years) of congenial friendship. We discuss the kids, converse about each other's jobs, and even tell each other jokes. When my ex's cousin came to visit on Sunday (someone I hadn't seen SINCE the divorce), he wanted my son to visit them - since it was MY weekend, he invited me too. It's all very civil.
I am beyond it - I have moved on - and so has he. But the sight of his girlfriend, in HIS kitchen cooking HIS dinner (something that was MY job), discussing with MY ex mother in law her health, and treating my ex-husband's family (of which I was a part for 20 years) like HER family still gets me.
Every so often, I'll rant about it for about 30 seconds. Then I'm done.
So don't worry - it's a natural feeling for your friend to be apprehensive about spending time with his ex and her boyfriend - it's uncomfortable and awkward - but it will get better.
I am really over my exh and the dust has settled. We pretty much know how to get along and focus on our DS. But I would not like to have to go to a place with him and his girlfriend or even me and my boyfriend. For some reason I just like to do my own thing.
I can see where a guy would sort of feel rejected or nervous about seeing his xw with someone else. I mean, that really isn't the way it was supposed to be.
But at any rate, if I was you, I would stay positive and be there for him. And just observe over time. Hopefully it is just a case of nerves. Sometimes what we imagine in our heads is much worse than the way it really is.