Newbie

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2008
Newbie
10
Mon, 10-13-2008 - 12:02pm
Hi there...I am new here, single mom to two.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
In reply to: mom_tryinagain
Mon, 10-13-2008 - 12:07pm

Hi, and welcome to the board!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2008
In reply to: mom_tryinagain
Mon, 10-13-2008 - 12:18pm
He has a 22 year old who is in the Navy, I have a 18 year old son
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
In reply to: mom_tryinagain
Mon, 10-13-2008 - 12:30pm

Good for you both

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
In reply to: mom_tryinagain
Mon, 10-13-2008 - 3:18pm

Hello and Welcome!


Glad you found our board. I hope you find us to be a great place to "hang out" and talk about whatever comes to mind. There are many points of view, experiences, advice and lots of laughs too!


I have also just moved in with my bf. My dd is 11, so we are in similiar situations. It will be nice to share stories with you! Are you getting adjusted? I think that its great you have that times allocated to your dd for mom daughter time. My bf BE has a lot of weekly sports activities and leagues he plays on, so it gives me a lot of quality time with my dd as well.


So nice to have you here :o)

pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2008
In reply to: mom_tryinagain
Mon, 10-13-2008 - 4:08pm
Thanks for the reply.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
In reply to: mom_tryinagain
Mon, 10-13-2008 - 4:29pm

The peacekeeper...the one in the middle. I understand completley!


My dd is handling this well. It took about a year and a half before she really trusted BE. After close to two years, I felt that things were solid enough between the three of us to move in together. She really loved and treasured the days when it was just her and I also- I think all kids sort of love that, and then thye feel a bit sad when the new person comes in.


I guess you can say that we sort of bribed dd. She used to have no space, had to share a room with me in our tiny appartment. In BE's place she has her own room and we fixed it up really nice for her. She loves that! Also she has in mind that we can get a dog sometime. So, we really played up the positives.


She is adjusting well! I think what helps is that I can spend a lot of alone time with her and she appreciates that. It works out that way because I have encouraged BE to keep his life outside of the house...I didn't want to move in and have him feel pressured to become Mr Domestic stay at home all the time. He appreciates his free time and actually I do to. It gives me space and gives dd and I time to be mom/daughter.


I've been through the "evil eye" cold shoulder moods from my dd to BE in the past. Its not that he has ever been anything but wonderful with her. Its just that she sometimes felt jealous of sharing me with him. And she sort of resented him for a while. BE had a lot of patience and just kept being great with her. Finally she warmed up to him when she realized that I was dedicated to her first and formost and that BE would not be stealing my love and attention away from her. But it took time. And I imagine it will take time with your dd as well. Hang in there and keep giving her reassurance and the attention/special times.


I think that as long as PP is patient and good to her she will warm up to him.


Does your dd like the new place? Is it his place? Did she change schools?

pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2008
In reply to: mom_tryinagain
Mon, 10-13-2008 - 4:42pm
Well when we originally started discussing moving in together, PP has a huge 5 bedroom home he is buying in an ok area about 30 minutes away. I rent a beautiful home in a GREAT area. Five minutes from my job, two minutes from school.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
In reply to: mom_tryinagain
Mon, 10-13-2008 - 5:04pm

I hear you on the over compensating. I'm guilty of that sometimes. I felt a lot of guilt divorcing her dad. It tore her world apart and plus she has been through so much already as a child. She had severe medical issues as a young child. So I sort of treat her with what is the saying, kid gloves? I definately over caudle her sometimes. But I justify it by saying ots better for her too feel "over loved and cared for" than to be unheard and ignored. I guess that comes from my own childhood as well..it was lonely and I was unheard. BE is pretty patient with me and my sometimes overprotectiveness and

pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2008
In reply to: mom_tryinagain
Mon, 10-13-2008 - 5:14pm
Thank you so much. Sounds like you and I are very similar in our ways and thinking.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
In reply to: mom_tryinagain
Mon, 10-13-2008 - 6:58pm

I think that the basketball coaching of your daughters team is a neat idea. although

pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs