newbie here - sorta!
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newbie here - sorta!
| Sun, 11-25-2007 - 11:55pm |
Hi everyone, hoping this is a somewhat active board!!
| Sun, 11-25-2007 - 11:55pm |
Hi everyone, hoping this is a somewhat active board!!
Welcome! We are really glad to have you here. Sorry to hear of your hardships - but it sounds like you are making you and your kids the priority and that is great!
What have you found about why you make the same mistakes in relationships? I always find this to be interesting and love to hear others stories - if you don't mind sharing.
It took me time to figure out that I was a people pleaser and did not put a lot of value in myself. I feel that I am better at putting myself first and setting boundaries and not putting up with subpar behavior. And I have met someone nice - will see how it all goes. So far so good for me.
Hi there, I am so happy to see an active board!
mom_uk2socal - Mom to DS22, DS19, DD16
Your font is fine. :-)
It sounds like you had a very challenging childhood and my sympathies go out to you for surviving that - it certainly is not what any of us would want for our kids today. But it also sounds like you have come a long way in putting your two feet on the ground and getting to a better place. I like how you want to keep your kiddos number one and not go back to where you were. I think that awareness is half the battle.
I am hoping Soonee comes to this thread to help - she is very knowledgeable on self help. But I guess all the advice I can give is to keep doing what you are doing and build the life you want on your own. I think when you can be really happy on your own you are more hesitant of those you bring into your life. And you also tend to attract a better person. Going slowly and checking out a person's values, instead of just giving in to chemistry and physical temptation, is always a good idea.
Perhaps you are a bit like me in that you wanted to do everything to please someone and you did not think of yourself? You tend to do too much? It is an assumption - and also a common mistake. I think the best lesson I have learned with this is to do nothing - see what they bring to your table.
I did read a book that might really help you - it is called "Date or Soulmate - how to tell in 2 dates or less" - it is by Neil Clark Warren, the founder of eharmony. Basically he explains what constitutes a healthy person and what to watch and avoid for character and mental health flaws. It is an eye opener. And I have found that helped me a LOT in the dating process. I began to be much more aware of what a candidate did in the initial communicating before during and after a date. I learned to ask good questions about family and background and beliefs. And I have learned a lot about people and relationships this way.
Before I read that, dating was sort of a hit or miss amusement process. It is fun to have a date and to have a guy calling you. And I did not look at it like a job interview process or take it seriously - I just went from relationship to relationship, especially in my 20s. But after my divorce I really took the time to educate myself about relationships and dating. And what a difference all that made.
I have finally found someone who is very special. His integrity is huge - he comes from a good family and is very smart. He and I match on a lot of things. And he treats me and cherishes me like gold. It is all still new and we are taking our time to do different things and get to know each other. But so far so good. He is by far the best candidate I have met. And we went to high school together so we have a history and comfort level from that and from having a lot of the same friends/acquaintances.
I think you have to date with your head - to find a very good quality candidate who is into you - who you have at least a mild attraction for - and to build and grow from there.
I think the biggest disasters come when we have that instant click and chemistry and are attracted to someone based on physical attributes alone and are not aware of what makes a good person and what it takes to have a great relationship.
I hope this helps!!
Welcome!
It's nice to see another Cali girl here! There's so many East coasters and southerners here I was feelin' lonely way over here on the west coast , lol!!
Thanks for sharing your story and I'm looking forward to hearing more. You'll find some incredible, supportive and wise women here...and a couple of really great guys too!!!
mom_uk2socal - Mom to DS22, DS19, DD16
Hi there, thanks for your welcome, Im a little south of you in Riverside county.
Yes its nice to find a board dealing with similar issues and some great posts and info.
I read your thread and felt for you in your situation, and am hoping you are staying strong.
I posted a long answer to CLwest last night, or thought I did but must not have done the final step and now have to retype.... so till then.........
mom_uk2socal - Mom to DS22, DS19, DD16
I suspect a gremlin is running about. My post disappeared yesterday too. I'm still suspicious of Shrimpy's Ninja Mouse...Shripmy, does Ninja Mouse have an alibi? She sounds pretty crafty, I bet she knows how to use the pad..and she's been playing with the mouse, lol.
oooh and losing a thought out post, how frustrating!
OK, CLwest, will try again, I guess I didn’t do the last part of the posting and lost it all, ironically I usually do it in word first and save it but wouldn’t you know I didn’t save it this time, so here goes again.
mom_uk2socal - Mom to DS22, DS19, DD16