Newbie here...is there room for 1 more?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2006
Newbie here...is there room for 1 more?
41
Sat, 12-29-2007 - 4:25pm

Hi! I'm a member of another board on ivillage, and only today discovered this board. I got excited about it LOL and would love to join everyone!


I will try to condense my situation and introduce myself in short form... I'm Jacey, 29, single mom to 3 kids (5yr old boy, 3 yr old girl, 1-1/2 yr old girl) I was previously married, my husband died almost a year and half ago. I re-entered the dating world a few months back and my BF is 31, rcmp member, has 1 son from previous marriage, been divorced 2 yrs. He hasn't met my kids, I haven't met his son, we're just dating and seeing where things go. His job makes it challenging at the moment lol


Look forward to getting to know everyone!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 12-30-2007 - 1:13pm
Hello there chickie!!!!!!!!!
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2007
Sun, 12-30-2007 - 3:15pm

And the things in common continue to grow... lol.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 6:24am

I am so glad you two found each other - we welcome you to our board, too. You both bring an interesting perspective on things for us.

I guess that the widow status brings you a good filter - because if a guy is such a shallow minded bozo that walks upon hearing it, it means he does not have a generous and open mind and you would not want him anyway. Our kids are like that too. That sounds kind of like the type of guy that is all about me. And we know we don't want one of THOSE!!

Anyway, we are so happy you both joined us and hope to hear more from you - please jump in a lot!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 11:24am

Hi Jacey!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Wed, 01-09-2008 - 3:52pm

Hey mommy_2_caleb29 - look what I found for you and our other widow mom here on this board:
http://advice.eharmony.com/?page=view_thread&TID=7841

It is a discussion thread on what it is like to date for widows and widowers. I found it enlightening - because we have you here - and because you never know if I might run into a guy who is a widow.

Enjoy!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2008
Wed, 01-09-2008 - 4:11pm

Jacey,


I just joined a few days ago myself and have had warm, wonderful responses from everyone on this board.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2006
Wed, 01-09-2008 - 10:17pm
Are you kidding me?!? UGH well I haven't run into that yet thankfully. I do get the "so what do you do?" and when I answer "I stay home with my kids to raise them and run a dayhome" they tend to get a little glassy eyed. Like you say, perhaps they wonder if I'm just looking for another baby daddy LOL But I haven't been quizzed on my finances or where my income comes from other than dayhome. INSANE!!!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2006
Wed, 01-09-2008 - 10:22pm

Well thank you! and Wow! You have your hands full! And people tell ME that with my 3! My DH & I had originally planned to have a large family and were counting on at least 1 or 2 more kids before he had his accident.


And yes, I agree, men definitely have some serious drama. And WHAT is up with the whole "you're a single mom, so you'll probably be happy with whatever dates you can get right?" UUUUGH I actually had a guy get mad at me on POF because I politely said I wasn't interested (he was about 6 years my junior, and I Know, its singling guys out, but I just prefer them to be my age of a couple yrs older) so he got mad and said i was stuck up and single moms should take whatever they can get!! LOL HAH!!!!


Well I'm happy to be here. Dating again is scary as hell sometimes, exhillierating at others, now that I've found someone I'd like to date and see where things go, I feel good. Thank you for the warm welcome!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2006
Wed, 01-09-2008 - 10:36pm

Oh that is too funny about the hair and such! Although I do someone look forward to the days when all my kids will be in school and I'll have a bit more freedom, I catch myself and decide to not wish away my time. They are young and grow up so fast as it is. I love that I can be home with them now.


I also find, in regards to the dating again, that I have this need to show everyone how independant and strong I am. Like they're all watching and waiting for me to fall. I really felt this in the first 6 mths after my DH died. Like everyone was watching Jacey and praying she stayed strong for the kids and didn't fall apart and that just stuck with me. Even tho logically I know everyone was worried, and just wanting to love and support me, I made my mind up to do stuff on my own which sometimes I kick myself in the butt for later. I don't have any family living close by at all, and I really feel that at times. But in the same sense, I am very glad I decided to tuff it out and stay put rather than do what logically seemed safer, and what everyone expected me to do, which was sell the house and move back home to the town where all my family is. But I really feel had I done that, I wouldn't have heeled to the point I'm at now. I still miss my husband like youw ouldn't believe. I mourn the relationship my kids have lost with him. I feel guilt all the time when I realize how much I enjoy the kids and how my DH is missing out on all of it. It hurts knowing years down the road when our daughters marry, their dad won't be walking them down the aisle. Stuff like that can still easily get me down and bring me to tears even almost 17 months later. But at the same time, I can look back and really feel a sense of pride of what I accomplish, and have surprised myself on occasion what I was capable of and how strong I really am when the time calls for it. I find it hard to not bring this "attitude" into my new relationship. I know my mountie would love nothing more than for me to be a little more soft and perhaps show him I need him rather than "yes, you're fun to have around but I don't need you" LOL which is correct. But at the same time, I know he is, in the far back of his mind thinking about the possibility that we might have a future together if things work well and dating turns to serious relationship turns to (insert future years etc) and he's wondering if I will always have this tuff exterior of letting him in, but only so much. does that make sense? LOL I tend to ramble. But he hasn't questioned me at all on why he hasn't met my kids, and I made it clear he wouldn't for a while and he says he totally understands and feels the samew ay about his own son etc and that we're dating each other right now. not each others kids so we need to see if we click first, and if we do, we need to determine if that is something that hold long term possibilities. Only then we can really discuss introducing children and such. Its such a different world now, dating as a single mom as opposed to when I was dating in my early 20s, carefree, and met my DH lol

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2006
Wed, 01-09-2008 - 10:37pm
yes, that was exactly it in my case. I found some guys were very much scared off by the whole widow thing, and perhaps thought I was on the prowl for another husband. lol the widow factor, and the single mom factor have really weeded out some losers for me :) Saves me from the drama I don't need :) What could be better lol