NEXT

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
NEXT
76
Wed, 12-26-2007 - 12:46am

Well girls, I have to say it again.

After a very difficult week, I had to call it quits for MA. A bunch of yellow flags turned out to be too many red flags for me. I can try to sum it up - I am tired and tired from all of it.

First of all, I feel he is very desperate for a wife and has been way too pushy with the amount of time he wants to spend and with that topic in general. Although he is 45 and never married, he desperately wants to be married. And I feel he has said I love you way too soon. He also gave me gifts he had been saving for a future wife and it just flipped me out. They were not personalized for me at all.

IN addition to this he has some real communication issues. I think he has the dating part down pat. But he is unable to empathize or listen to someone else and interact with them. Plus he does a lot of socially inept things. I don't think he wants to come across as an insensitive jerk but he does. I feel he was also very selfish about wanting me to do favors for him when I am busy and had cooked a lot. It just felt like one big intrusion.

It is sad because we are two quality people who have a high school history. And with this in mind I really tried my very best to communicate with him but felt like the tree in the forest that falls and no one hears her.

DS just left and so I am going to focus on cleaning the house and getting work done and getting better - I have a bit of a cold.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: cl_west1745
Thu, 12-27-2007 - 1:57pm
Oh wow - this one sounds good - okay - so keep us posted and we will keep our fingers crossed!! I like what you write about him!!
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: cl_west1745
Thu, 12-27-2007 - 2:16pm

Ah a techie! My DNA. My brothers and father are engineers and me too. I find as a group we tend to be more introverted, more "logical" and not so open with our emotions.

Have fun and good luck!
Mark
--





May your soul be at rest.


May your heart remain open.


May you realize your own true nature.


May you be healed.


May you be a source of healing for the world. - a zen prayer






iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
In reply to: cl_west1745
Thu, 12-27-2007 - 3:25pm

I was wondering about you the other day! Hadn't seen you here much AND NOW WE KNOW WHY! :)

He sounds great, Cat! Enjoy the moments.

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
In reply to: cl_west1745
Thu, 12-27-2007 - 3:44pm
It sounds bad but I'm not going to go on and on about someone and how wonderful I think he might be. I am just going to sit back and enjoy what I have right now and see what happens. I've always had so many high hopes and now I just hope to make it through the next day. LOL. Sad but true. No expectations. I would love to say I want it to be this way or that way, but I've always forced things that just can't be forced, so now I just try to take things day by day. Believe me, some days are harder then others because my brain freaks out, but trying to breath and control my feelings of insecurities has gotten somewhat better. I at least try not to freak out anymore. Not that I haven't, but I know that is definitely not the answer. I am just not good with relationships anymore. I'm a sabatoger because of my own personal fears of rejection. I just pat myself on the back with each day.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: cl_west1745
Thu, 12-27-2007 - 3:47pm

AMEN!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
In reply to: cl_west1745
Thu, 12-27-2007 - 4:00pm
At any rate, I'm glad to see you pop in. Some of your posts, along with other postings, help me take a look at myself. Kind of like Judy's situtation, it happened to me over the summer and I kept thinking how could something that felt so right end up so wrong. Time always tells and you have to be patient and trust your gut.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: cl_west1745
Thu, 12-27-2007 - 5:34pm

That is a great perspective Mark.

I really think after pondering this more that I am going to take a better look at communication the next time around. I can think of one or two other relationships that did not work because the other person is too selfish and cannot listen or respond to the most basic of a request. I tent to be soft spoken and quiet and I know I need to not be afraid and be more assertive in the future sooner and more as I go along.

My sister was just texting to see if I am okay and I am like yes - I am way over this and not mad or upset.

I think that each person who comes into our lives teaches us something.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
In reply to: cl_west1745
Thu, 12-27-2007 - 11:22pm

Hi cl_west, I am just so shocked to read this. I didnt plan to write anything here today as I just came back from vaccation, but thought I should offer my support on this one. From what you explain, it seems very logical to doubt that you WILL have many many difficult days if you continued with this guy. Guns- collection and he wants to train your son.. what on earth is he thinking. I would just run away after I see that kind of gun collection and not to mention if he offers to train my kid!!. It is simply incompatible life styles for me. My Biker has a gun which he inherited from his gradpa and he has never fired that or killed anything living creature with it. But still I have already told him that he ship it back or give it to his brother at the next available chance. He did not even argue about it and convinced me that he doesnt want to travel with it and when his brother drives down here he will send it back.. Anyway it is also not assembled and he never talks or thinks about it. SO Iam fine with it. I simply dont want a gun in my house.


MA also seems selfish about many things and I think he is pretty inconsiderate. He might have seen you as a good partner and wants to go fast with marriage but great that you Nexted him.


and what is with his gifts ewww.. I wont have had this much patience that you had.


Dont stop getting dressed up and keep your eyes open.


All these posts here about 40+ unmarried men does scare me.. But in my case my Biker is getting only sweeter. One difference is that he has been always shy and never really dated. But I do have my eyes open...


Hope New Year will bring exciting possibilities for you.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: cl_west1745
Fri, 12-28-2007 - 7:09am
Thank you so much! Your biker sounds wonderful and receptive and not selfish - I hope you continue to grow in your relationship together and bring us more great stories!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
In reply to: cl_west1745
Fri, 12-28-2007 - 6:31pm
WOWZA! I totally didnt see THAT coming! But i guess things werent as great as they appeared to be? Sorry West!

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