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| Wed, 12-26-2007 - 12:46am |
Well girls, I have to say it again.
After a very difficult week, I had to call it quits for MA. A bunch of yellow flags turned out to be too many red flags for me. I can try to sum it up - I am tired and tired from all of it.
First of all, I feel he is very desperate for a wife and has been way too pushy with the amount of time he wants to spend and with that topic in general. Although he is 45 and never married, he desperately wants to be married. And I feel he has said I love you way too soon. He also gave me gifts he had been saving for a future wife and it just flipped me out. They were not personalized for me at all.
IN addition to this he has some real communication issues. I think he has the dating part down pat. But he is unable to empathize or listen to someone else and interact with them. Plus he does a lot of socially inept things. I don't think he wants to come across as an insensitive jerk but he does. I feel he was also very selfish about wanting me to do favors for him when I am busy and had cooked a lot. It just felt like one big intrusion.
It is sad because we are two quality people who have a high school history. And with this in mind I really tried my very best to communicate with him but felt like the tree in the forest that falls and no one hears her.
DS just left and so I am going to focus on cleaning the house and getting work done and getting better - I have a bit of a cold.

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GOOD one!!
I am still laughing so bad at this one from another one of his letters. It is not like I wrote 10 mean letters - those were part of an email dialog we were having over an entire week while he was away (and because he can't listen for more than 2 minutes without interrupting me) where I was trying to explain how he needs to acknowledge that some of the things he says and does make me upset. And all he would do is get more defensive and not realize he had to say - Oh - I am sorry for saying that - I didn't realize it made you so upset.
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I'm very confused Judy. We spent some wonderful times together and you told me some wonderful things. The letter you gave me on 12/15 was something I deeply appreciated. Thank you for that. However, I can't help but feel numb after reading that letter and then reading the ten e-mails sent between 12/19 - 12/24 that slowly churned every laudable attribute of mine into a liability. After reading those ten emails over it seems as though there are no redeemable qualities in me whatsoever?
I do not understand why we couldn't work on these issues together, in person with dialogue, the way you stated you wanted to. I don't know why you seem to be so mean and angry with me.
I truly felt and still do that we have a lot of good between us and that nothing you've listed among your concerns represent insurmountable obstacles.
This is all very saddening. I have a lump in my throat and my hands tremble as I write this.
Judy, I've never been in a situation where everything imploded so terribly and so fast.
Reading over your e-mails and my responses I could see that you were seething with anger at me. It also seemed that no matter what I said or did, it could make no difference.
It seems to me, and Judy this is just what seems to me, that beginning on the 19th you embarked on a mission to convince yourself that I was as completely wrong a match for you as any two souls could be. It looks as thought that journey took seven days to complete.
I am not for one second trying to ignore, belittle, doubt, etc... any feelings or emotions you have. I know you were behind in work, training, and other things. I know you may have been in overwhelm about some other personal issues as well. I know Tuesday evening was certainly not the best time we've ever spent together. I never thought it would come to an end like this. Judy, considering what I just wrote and knowing that you have been under enormous pressure in other areas of your life, is it possible that there is something else going on?
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Is there possible something else is going on - like excuse me - you know I am busy but you insist on calling, coming over for dinner, making more work and on and on and then you don't take the nice suggestions in the emails to LISTEN to me and you wonder if I have something else going on? YES - a stupid dope is trying to change me into Mrs. Stepford while I pay for it all.
OMG. He drove me over the edge girls.
The thing was, my emails were very nice and sweet - as they always are here - based on - when you do or say this, I feel that.
As to the part about it ending so abruptly- sorry pal - I am not wasting time with an idiot like this no matter what - it doesn't matter that you want to get married or that you have some job you think is great. I exist!!!!!
(edited to fix my grammar)
Edited 1/3/2008 9:51 pm ET by cl-west1745
I was just thinking - they better send the Stepford-Wife-to-Be back to get another operation - she went a little haywire and had thoughts of her own and went on a writing assignment to want to dump Dear Mr Stepford-Husband-to-Be - all during his enjoyment of "this relationship is all about admiring and serving wonderful me"
I mean the nerve of me cutting myself and having other things to do and wanting his consideration and understanding and acknowledgment - and horrors - wanting him to buy takeout or some groceries and be HELPFUL and add to my life instead of take take take. He says, "She makes me feel like a mooch!"
Okay - I promise to stop posting to this thread. I think I am purged!!!!!!!!!
Edited 1/4/2008 8:39 am ET by cl-west1745
WOW reading your posts I can feel the anger you have when you write about MA. Your e-mail to him was fantastic. If he is smart he should get the message.
You are a great example of never trying to put yourself down for a man or just to be in a relationship. In spite of all that you do really seemed to have tried to make this work and that is what perhaps makes you even more angry.
It would be great to return his stuff at the earliest and not having to think about him or all this any more.
I really was laughing so so hard - when I wrote the last one about Mrs Stepford. I thought it was hilariously funny and at least I have a sense of humor with this. I am really tempted to send him that. Heaven help me sit on my hands - just this once!! Maybe I better wait til we have our stuff back?
He will get the stuff back when it is convenient for me next week. No worries.
It has really helped to paste his stuff here so I did not think I am going crazy all by myself. And you ALL have been so helpful - I don't know what I would do without this board. I wished I saved the letters - but I was so mad I deleted the whole sent box and trash in my gmail account. I also deleted the poem he sent - that would have made for the post of the year award - it was this terribly long poem all about him a whole page long to rhyme with 'twas the night before Xmas - that is what I got - no Merry Xmas or even a phone call!!
The thing is, I am so happy by myself that it will take a good MrStepford to come in and sweep me off my feet. And he has to add to my life - not to the chaos in the "I surrender" thread. MA really had a chance to shine and he blew it - but not because he is a bad person - he is just totally incapable when it comes to relating to someone else. And he does have a dose of arrogance, too. That really works against him.
Dang, Judy- I looked to see if I still had the poem... alas, it was deleted and cleared... but you're right, it WAS terrible!
Judy,
I just had to share with you, your experience with MA and something he said
mom_uk2socal - Mom to DS22, DS19, DD16
Quoting my friend S when I told him about MA with the guns and the lingerie....
"Well, he got her the Camo lingerie so she could pose with the guns!"
LOL!!!
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