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| Wed, 12-26-2007 - 12:46am |
Well girls, I have to say it again.
After a very difficult week, I had to call it quits for MA. A bunch of yellow flags turned out to be too many red flags for me. I can try to sum it up - I am tired and tired from all of it.
First of all, I feel he is very desperate for a wife and has been way too pushy with the amount of time he wants to spend and with that topic in general. Although he is 45 and never married, he desperately wants to be married. And I feel he has said I love you way too soon. He also gave me gifts he had been saving for a future wife and it just flipped me out. They were not personalized for me at all.
IN addition to this he has some real communication issues. I think he has the dating part down pat. But he is unable to empathize or listen to someone else and interact with them. Plus he does a lot of socially inept things. I don't think he wants to come across as an insensitive jerk but he does. I feel he was also very selfish about wanting me to do favors for him when I am busy and had cooked a lot. It just felt like one big intrusion.
It is sad because we are two quality people who have a high school history. And with this in mind I really tried my very best to communicate with him but felt like the tree in the forest that falls and no one hears her.
DS just left and so I am going to focus on cleaning the house and getting work done and getting better - I have a bit of a cold.

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Hey Judy- I know...
You could send that camo nightie to my ex. If the NW was excited to get a shotgun for Christmas, I'm sure she'd be in HEAVEN for a camo nightie for Valentine's!!! LOL
:-P That is just sooooo not me, and it surprises me just what a mismatch we were (and what a good match THEY are)
~shrimpy
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
Hi girl!!
No, Isysmoon- you STAY on that soapbox awhile longer!!! ITA with what you are saying, so keep on saying it! ;-)
~shrimpy
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
Thanks, Shrimps. I was just thinking today, while riding my bike, that a great relationship is really about the way you make each other feel.
And so this was definitely a case of a mismatch - that his hyper energy, liking to stay up late, tendencies to be a mooch and all about him stance, and rush to the altar make me feel bad - and then my stating the way I feel about all of that makes him feel bad.
I was thinking that if we are to be in a relationship that makes us feel good as well as make the other person feel good - that we need to have certain things match. And we need to BE AND BE WITH someone who has the communication skills and emotional intelligence and mental capability to do this.
I have learned a lot. And as I stated before, I was not in any way in love with him or attached to him so I don't feel pain and disappointment - rather a peace or sense of relief that I figured this out and do not have him bothering me and did not make a big mistake or waste a lot of time. Sure, we had the history of going to school together and we had some things in common and wanted a relationship. But put us in a room together for more than 4 hours and I am ready to run away from him. He just did too many things to annoy me. I don't think I have ever felt this annoyed with anyone else.
I guess my flurry of emails were trying to make him see this - but in the end I realized he could not do anything but be defensive about major red flags that I saw. So I am glad for this lesson and feel I will do better the next time around.
Hi isysmoon - you can stay on your soapbox - thanks for the kind words.
And to this:
""no red flags" with this new man of hers, yet she had to give him rent money right before Christmas because the IRS took his paycheck. To me that's a HUGE red flag."
I must say I agree!!!! That is a great example - glad you posted it for us!
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