NEXT!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
NEXT!
35
Fri, 09-28-2007 - 11:06pm

OKay - I am now in the next boat.

We had our first real disagreement which ended up with the towel thrown in now.

Monday he had off from work and stayed around his house. Tuesday he is with his son to take him to the gym for 2 hours. Wednesday we are supposed to get together for dinner. He has been coming very late on Wednesday and so we had a talk and he said he would come earlier. He always gets off from work early. But seems to get very stuck at his house - I think on his computer.

Anyway, he left his house late AGAIN which is annoying to me. On a school night that is a pain for us to have to eat late and I am the type of person that likes to be on time or at least a little close.

Apparently he is out of sorts - he comes in and has to dry his clothes and fix all of his water bottles and other odd chores. But the big biggee was that he was dressed so sloppy I really didn't like that in front of my son. I guess that was a night he should have stayed home. So I decided to write him a note saying how all of this made me feel. That I want someone who wants to be early and be a part of our lives. Not coming late and busy with all of their chores.

Because I am a very busy single working mom and don't want another kid.

So, he ended it. And I am not sad. I had fun while it lasted. But this shows me that he does not have what it takes to get his life and act together and be around me and DS. That he only wants the fun.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
In reply to: cl_west1745
Tue, 10-09-2007 - 11:40am
Were we married to the same man? The only difference I see is that yours actually worked. Mine did not but was late because of other things or would be sitting with his feet up when the kids and I got home (me from work them from daycare) asking what I was making for dinner. GRRRR!!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: cl_west1745
Tue, 10-09-2007 - 11:49am

Unfortunately, I think we were. I know your pain!!

But guess what? We have a clean slate now and a LOT of time to find a new one. No timeline here. I am actively searching - because I believe it is like finding a good job - you have to get out there and be all you can be - but there is no rush because there is no ticking clock.

And everyone our age is formed - so you can see what you are getting. Just have to have patience. And enjoy our singledom and time to ourself.

That must have STUNK to have him do that - put the feet up and expect you to cook after YOU worked all day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
In reply to: cl_west1745
Tue, 10-09-2007 - 12:03pm

Unfortunately, I was in the same boat as you and galstartingover was in. I kept to wake up to the sweaty/beer smell at 3:00 in the morning. YUCK! Never again!!

<<<<

Never thought of it that way. It's a good way to look at dating in your 40's. I've been really down on dating lately just because it seems the guys I have come across are pretty selfish beings. After this last relationship I just got out of it, I looked at myself in the mirror.....I'm pretty selfish also to a point, but I always try to respect the other person and be considerate. When I look back at this last relationship he was not respectful or considerate of me so I don't feel bad about breaking it off at all.

Sharon

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
In reply to: cl_west1745
Tue, 10-09-2007 - 1:08pm

aarghh.. and you spent 10 yrs with this man? You must have had some patience.


I have had relationships that didnt work, but never treated so badly.. Last guy I saw had some of these traits like watching TV when I was cooking ( always.. even though it was a LDR he would not find it interesting to simply hang around the kitchen when I am cooking..) and complaining and being non appreciative.. I dumped him..I had a gut feeling in the beginning itself but I ignored it.


My current one is totally opposite.. He cleans dishes when I am cooking. He helps me cut vegetable.. volunteers to take the trash out. Never complaints always appreciates and is very attentive. I should not get into silly fights with him..sometimes I forget how lucky Iam to be treated this way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: cl_west1745
Tue, 10-09-2007 - 3:47pm

"He cleans dishes when I am cooking. He helps me cut vegetable.. volunteers to take the trash out. Never complaints always appreciates and is very attentive."

YES YES YES. This is good!!

You see, the thing is that I was so into my work that I had no life -we only had work in common. And I always did everything to push the relationship. And I never communicated my needs. So I did play a big part in why he took advantage of me. I was always the type to be more considerate of others - more than myself. And I did not set boundaries. And he is very selfish - so it was a matter of a bad combo boiling to disaster. But I am now reformed!!

I want someone who appreciates my strengths and who is positive and giving. As I am all of these things. I always appreciate everyone for their positive points and I do not judge others and I appreciate their differences. Which is why the LG got a chance in the first place. And I am positive. And I am giving. I always give more than I get.

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: cl_west1745
Tue, 10-09-2007 - 3:49pm

Funny, my male co-worker and I talked about how we are in the upper 3% of good catches since we work, are honest, have our own place and car, don't have a criminal record and no addictions.


Not to mention I am on time, keep my word, shop, cook (if I really have to but you would not want to eat my cooking), clean up, do my laundry, vaccum, walk the dog, take out the garbage PLUS give massages, show my appreciation in words, deeds, and gifts.


Then how come we have not found any great woman to appreciate us?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: cl_west1745
Tue, 10-09-2007 - 4:07pm
You are like everyone on the site. We are all a square peg waiting for a square hole! I think it is a matter of age, location, looks and interests. And situation, too, when it comes to kids.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
In reply to: cl_west1745
Tue, 10-09-2007 - 4:24pm

Hmmmm Mark- I do wonder that sometimes, too. If you are so good "on paper", how come you are still single and looking? Do you ever wonder what it might be that is keeping you from finding someone?


From what I've read from you and learned about you (through your posts and sharing)- you are very much likely to be a very good catch overall! But yet you have met many women -so getting 'out there' isn't a blockade. There must be something in the "keeping" aspect that doesn't work, if the "meeting" aspect is in place. (I know for many of us, the "meeting" aspect is our biggest block, with 24/7 kids)


Anyway, from what I've read about you, you do say that you can get kinda "intense" once you meet a woman you like and would like to pursue. And then you lose no time in pursuing! Do you think that could be the problem? That although you are a great catch, you could be trying to move things along too quickly (and I'm not talking physically- but emotionally, relationship-wise)? I know that even if I met a man who was great "on paper" and I really liked him in person too- if he was too intense or seemed to attach too quickly right from the start (even if he is knowing in his heart and mind that he has possibly found his perfect match)... I would be wanting to either slow it down or stop it completely.


If you're a man who just knows what he likes in a woman and knows when he sees her- and then is all for pursuing completely because you are sure of yourself... would that possibly be what might be scaring the women off?


Just some thoughts to mull over, I guess.


~shrimpy

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
In reply to: cl_west1745
Tue, 10-09-2007 - 4:30pm

I have to agree with the others.

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: cl_west1745
Tue, 10-09-2007 - 5:14pm

Yes I believe that has been an issue with women I meet.