Next on NN....

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2005
Next on NN....
17
Wed, 05-28-2008 - 9:15pm

I'm ok with it. Actually made a decision and went thru with it. I witnessed something the other day that, along with the smoking, that made me realize I was settling...again.

He was on the phone with his DS7 and told him that the he couldn't see him because his ex wouldn't let him. I make it a point not to talk against my ex to my kids and can't stand it when others do it. To make it worse, he got off the phone and told me that she would allow it but wanted NN to come pick up the kids instead of her dropping them off as she usually does. He said "It's the principle of the thing. I'm not changing our arrangement". I thought that was telling as to the fact that he rather stand on principle that see his kids and then didn't tell the story correctly to his son. Made his ex out to be the bad guy.

Then he tells me he's quitting smoking and yet had 8 cigarettes by 1:00pm on Monday. That's not quitting. He needs to quit for himself, I know but the smell was starting to bug me and it has been a deal breaker in the past for me. Why am I settling now? So I told him that I want to be friends and hang out but that I'm not ready to pursue it any further for now and he was fine with that.

I've been in contact with BG and have decided I'm just going to accept our "relationship" as it is. He's pulled himself off the dating sites and told me to check it out for myself if I want to. He told me that although circumstances make it difficult, he'd like to try to make it work. I told him to just be my friend so that I have no expectations. Believe it or not, I haven't been pining for him, waiting for him to call. I call him when I want to, he calls me when he wants to and we're just taking it one day at a time. I need to concentrate on me and my kids right now so maybe this is way it's supposed to be for now.

So that's my little update. I feel great today and hope it continues. I have to make it so.

Cat, who's taking it one day (and one man LOL) at a time....

Cat

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Wed, 05-28-2008 - 9:50pm
You have been so smart about all of this. I agree that those remarks would turn me off as well. Keep doing what you are doing and putting yourself first. It is working for you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Wed, 05-28-2008 - 10:15pm

I like that you are being true to yourself and I agree with what you write about NN - you are so on target with that! And very observant of you!!

Do you think BG has a good history that would give you hope that he can change? Otherwise my only concern is that he would take up the parking spot in your heart and it would subconsciously dissuade you from getting more active socially and being open to someone new, if indeed he is not the type to really commit to you. But you did say his job away ends and he is coming back, right? Or would that always be up in the air?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2005
Wed, 05-28-2008 - 11:02pm
You have said mentioned before I might not be able to open up to someone else if he's still in my life so I've been conscious of that and you're right about it, I know. His job may be ending sooner than expected. Long story but he's looking for work now and hoping to get closer to home. Everything was great between us until he had to go out of town to work. I think we've both prepared ourselves for it not working out because we've had limited time together and maybe it's a self fulfilling prophecy. Or we weren't meant to be. Only time will tell but I do feel good that I let NN go. It's the right thing and out of character for me to be that strong and tell him so.
Cat
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Thu, 05-29-2008 - 12:02am

He lied to his son?


Enough said.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2005
Thu, 05-29-2008 - 12:13am
Claims his kids are everything then does that. Can you say red flag?
Cat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Thu, 05-29-2008 - 12:18am

I agree. Lying on any level is huge to me... even if someone lies to their boss.... instead of just saying, i overslept... they come

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2005
Thu, 05-29-2008 - 12:27am

Thanks for the support. I'm feeling pretty proud of myself tonight. I usually disregard the red flags and make excuses for the other person but this time I decided to listen to the voice telling me to run like hell!!!

Cat

Cat
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Thu, 05-29-2008 - 11:25am

Oh Cat, sorry to hear NN turned out to be a lying dud.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2005
Thu, 05-29-2008 - 11:56am

I'm at peace...at least for now and I'd like to keep it that way.

Cat
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Thu, 05-29-2008 - 12:10pm

What a great attitude!


I think it's fine to have those 'chats' with guys - even ones who don't have any potential.

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