...the next question of the week

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
...the next question of the week
79
Wed, 01-26-2005 - 9:13am

Candi's question of the week has led me to one I have been dying to ask all of you.

-How do you measure the quality of your sex life? What do you define as good versus bad?
-If a man is selfish in bed do you think you would see this anywhere else in his life - in other words, is he selfish in other ways?

Maybe you have experiences you want to share - how you communicate to make it better - insight. I agree with all of you that sex is very important.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Wed, 01-26-2005 - 1:59pm

This covers a lot of good basics - some I might not have thought of. Very good!!

TT sounds wonderful!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 01-26-2005 - 2:03pm

I dated a guy with a foot fetish - and he required feet be involved or he couldn't perform. Not just wouldn't perform - couldn't - if you get my drift. No. Sorry. NOT into that . . . once in a while is ok . . . but like your ex requiring silk and/or lace in the shower - - - NOT every time!

Although I do have to admit . . . he paid for pedicures every other week for me, was CONSTANTLY giving me amazing foot rubs, and bought me some really beautiful shoes . . . I liked that part of it! LOL!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Wed, 01-26-2005 - 2:04pm

First, your example of the silky, lacy prop is a good one and illustrates min's good point below.

I was laughing when I read you threw those away - I think I would do the same. Although I do like to wear those things from time to time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Wed, 01-26-2005 - 2:05pm

That is crazy!! But I agree that I would start to become resentful if it HAS to be every time.

Variety is the spice of life.... and of sex!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 01-26-2005 - 2:14pm

>>>First, your example of the silky, lacy prop is a good one and illustrates min's good point below. I was laughing when I read you threw those away - I think I would do the same. Although I do like to wear those things from time to time.<<<

It's funny because I forgot all about it, blocked it out you could say. Then when I thought my bf would be moving away and we broke up, I had put an ad up and was talking to a guy I met on there. We mostly talked about our pasts and nothing sexual, but we did talk about whether we each liked to kiss and cuddle. Then he said something about it's nice when the person he's with occasionally wears something sexy. I had a physical reaction and it didn't hit me for a few minutes why (it felt like all the blood left my head and hands/feet and I felt sick).

Shortly after that I realized I wasn't ready to date anyone else (which was fine, this guy liked to talk on the phone 6-9 months before meeting, lol, one time he rushed it and met someone after only 2 months of talking and she ended up being a freak), and then of course I ended up getting back together with my bf anyway.




Edited 1/26/2005 2:15 pm ET ET by firstamendment

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Wed, 01-26-2005 - 3:07pm

wow, that's harsh! So if a guy isn't endowed enough he's just SOL...


hmmm...have to think about that.


I've dated a couple of guys, one who was just really small and I think, other than some of his fantasy stuff, was kind of an asexual person.


One was VERY active sexually and...did a lot of other things, but didn't pack much. But he wasn't a nice guy in the long run, so...NEXT!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 01-26-2005 - 3:16pm
I really don't think size matters. Ok, there is probably a point where too small is too small, but it would have to be extremely small. I have had great sex with smaller and medium sized guys, and horrible sex with more well endowed men. The key for me is whether it functions properly. With my ex-h it was always over within a minute. Another bf of mine had a hard time, well, keeping it hard. Those problems are a lot more difficult to deal with than size issues. Also, I'm a small person and too big causes a different set of issues. Maybe instead of saying it has to be a certain size, it's more that it has to be a good fit.

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Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 01-26-2005 - 3:30pm
Well, it's like firstamendment said, there's a point where too small is too small. I've never experienced "too small" so I don't think I would know it unless I saw it. LOL
Becky

Becky

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Wed, 01-26-2005 - 4:26pm

How do you measure the quality of your sex life? What do you define as good versus bad?

Good and bad are pretty general terms. I think it all depends on what a person wants. Here's my list:
- To me, good sex is the kind that makes you hot just thinking about the last time you were with that person -- or what you'd like to do when you see him the next time.
- Open and honest communication makes for really great sex, in my opinion, given that your partner is willing to listen to what you have to say and act on what you have to say. Believe it or not, I've never been in a relationship where I was able to openly discuss sex and communicate wants and needs -- with my present relationship being the one and only exception. Until now, no one has ever asked me what I wanted or what I liked, and would even sometimes get bent out of shape when I suggested something because they took it as a criticism. I guess that's pretty self-centered. For the first time in my life, my needs are first. He actually wants to know what I want and need and he really listens to what I have to say. It's such a refreshing difference from what I'm used to. And the fact that were able to talk about everything comfortably is great -- no guessing needed.
- Intimacy, cuddling, kissings, hugging, along with wild sex.
- Creativity is high on my list. I admit that I get bored easily with the same old stuff. I like to try new things, and appreciate someone who is willing to experiment and have fun. This has been hard for me to find in the past, until now.

-If a man is selfish in bed do you think you would see this anywhere else in his life - in other words, is he selfish in other ways?

I think for the most part, everyone is right when they say if a man is selfish in bed, he is selfish elsewhere. With one exception being my exh. He wasn't selfish at all -- overly generous in fact -- just lousy in bed. But I attribute that mostly to his inexperience -- we were young when we met and married, and we were each other's firsts. Like I said before, I really didn't know how really bad he was until I experienced someone else. I also agree that clashing libidos can be a big problem. His was low, mine was high. Communication was another problem for us. We never really talked about sex too much. He wasn't interested most of the time, and I just gave up trying. It really wasn't worth the effort anyway. Like I said before, I can't believe he actually cheated on me -- it should have been the other way around (although I would never do anything like that).

In the first relationship I was in after my divorce, sex was great, for a while. He wasn't at all selfish and my needs always came first. But, things got boring. He was a zero in the creativity department. And after almost 2 years of that, it definitely lost its spark.

Donna

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Wed, 01-26-2005 - 5:17pm
LOL! You too???!!! OMG! Maybe we dated the same guy! What is up with that feet fetish thing!? LOL! Mine turned out to be a stalker. Very scary. The sex was odd, but the shoes were FANTASTIC. Beautiful Italien things, but one problem. I am not a shoe person like most women.

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