Next Visitation sooner and just as long

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Next Visitation sooner and just as long
22
Mon, 11-21-2005 - 1:54pm

Well...once again I consider myself blindsighted. But, I'm just going to have to buck up and face it. Ex gets dd this Thursday at 9am and gets to keep her until Sunday (again) at 6pm. I thought he was only going to get to keep her Thursday, like the judge had stated, but the papers are know stating something completely different. This is going to be hard, but I'll manage. DD came home last night and was so tired and cranky, but very happy to see me. My granny picked her up and brought her to church and when she saw me she just giggled and smiled and held on to me like there was no tomorrow!

My grandmother said that ex smarted off to her when she picked up dd; he's gloating right now. But he's in for a big surprise! I'm not going to allow him to think that I'm moping and being sad for one single minute! He's already had his girlfriend ask me if I will take dd over new year's - but nope, sorry, it's his weekend! I tried very hard for a long time prior to all of this to work things out and to work around his schedule (before all the harassing, violence, etc. that started up again). He's just going to have to learn that he's going to have to help with her. I'm not saying that I wouldn't LOVE for her to be here with me over Thanksgiving and new years, but I'm not going to work around his visitation schedule so he can go out and get drunk. He fought so hard to make my life a living h*ll so why should I roll over and let him get out of his weekends. It's so funny that if he thinks that it's going to bother me if he has dd then he wants her, but if he knows that it's not, then he wants to give her back.

I'm supposed to talk to the judge who HAS NOT ruled on our divorce this afternoon. He's supposed to be signing our papers today, hopefully. My family and I have been hounding this judge for the past week. If he signs this week then there will be a new visitation schedule, one that's not so uprooting, in my opinion. As it is now dd stays with me for 3 1/2 days and then is w/ ex for 3 1/2 days. To me, that is very unstable. How is a child supposed to get used to being somewhere when in a matter of days they are moved around again?

(I hope I'm not talking in circles. I'm trying very hard to rationalize all of this in my head and make it easier somehow.)

I'm just going to have to take things in stride, but I'm not going to let him out of this visit time right now. Soon - very soon - the other document will be signed and everything will be a little better. Until then, I just have to be strong and put on my game face and not let him know that it kills me to let dd leave for so long.

By the way, I took everyone's advise and didn't ask her if she had fun with her dad and ask what she did. I just smiled and said welcome home! I'm not sure that if at 2 things that I could say or ask could make her feel guilty about being away, but I'm not going to take that chance. Hopefully she is better at adapting to this situation than I am, considering she is so young!

Thanks for listening to me ramble!

Happy Thanksgiving and lots of hugs,
Kait

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sun, 11-27-2005 - 10:16am
Hi there. I am a lurker, but I just wanted to say I support you 100%. I found the post you are referring to insulting on every level, including a personal one. Don't pay attention to it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Sun, 11-27-2005 - 3:47pm

I'm not really bothered by the whole c/s statement from the guest poster now. I just felt that I needed to defend myself - and thanks for all of you who spoke up for me as well.

No, I am by no means "rich" from the c/s that my dd receives. As of now my exh is paying the state and I am receiving temporary assistance until he catches up. I get about $235 a month. Half of which goes into a savings account in my dd's name and the other half goes for diapers, milk, etc for her. I am very fortunate that I have family that helps - and on the up side, I got a job! It's only p/t for now, but it's better than nothing, and it works around my class schedule and dd. I'm also lucky that I don't have to put my dd in daycare or pay for a babysitter at this point, so that in itself eases on some high costs that I would have to pay.

I just take it day by day....and everyday seems to be a little better than the last!

Hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Hugs,
Kait

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