No, I don't want Mcdonalds

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2007
No, I don't want Mcdonalds
7
Mon, 06-04-2007 - 10:34pm
I am a divorced mom who is tired of men telling me that I am high-maintance. I don't know why they say this? I don't wear designer clothes or shop everyday. I am a woman who likes to look good and tries to take care of her kids. The place where I live there is a shortage of men..Most of the woman who do date like to recycle( when he leaves you, he finds another family member or friend to date). I am proud that I can take care of myself,kids,home,etc....So for the life of me can someone tell me what the H*** is High Maintance?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Tue, 06-05-2007 - 4:46am

Maybe you're just intimidating because you're put together, have a great head on your shoulders and won't settle for anything.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Tue, 06-05-2007 - 8:23am

I have 2 ideas of what "high maintenance" means. One is a status kind of high maintenance, and the other is an emotional one.

For the status one, it's that you might want to go ONLY to the expensive places to eat. (I suspect that might be the case here, because of your post title)Or you only want to go see high-dollar concerts and shows. It's as if going to a local bar to hear a live band is "beneath you", or eating at a fast food place as part of a date is an insult. I have eaten fast food on a date before -and we've survived. It's usually because we were doing something else but also needed to get something to eat, but didn't have time to do a sit-down dinner. But it's okay- it's just food, and it's the fact that we are TOGETHER and enjoying the date that is what counts, not exactly WHERE we eat. But I do know of friends in the past who would refuse to eat fast food when out on a date. (Now, I can understand not wanting fast food on the first few dates though! But once the relationship has moved on, it's not a big deal anymore.) I can see how a man would consider that "high maintenance", if every date means spending over $50 on a meal and then doing something that costs alot of money to attend as well (like a concert or show)- and anything less than that was considered 'unacceptable' by his date.

For the emotional realm of high maintenance, I've heard it referred to people who just seemed to want alot of verbal affirmations. They have to be told often how great they look or how wonderful they are. It's like they are needing constant 'building up' or else they will feel like they are being ignored (even when they are not being ignored). It's as if they get their self-value from what others have to say about them, rather than finding it quietly coming from within. Or the woman might have to hear affirmations about how the relationship is, and the man feels he has to keep spouting Hallmark card words or else she would feel the whole relationship is in danger. While I agree it's nice to hear compliments, or hear words of endearments about the relationship... it shouldn't be something that was NEEDED or else there was something wrong, IMO.

I may be totally wrong on all this, but those are the 2 things that come to mind when someone mentions "high maintenance".

~shrimpy, sometimes TOO low maintenance (which can be borderline doormat if it goes too far)

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 06-05-2007 - 12:07pm

Ditto what shimpy says.

I see "high maintenance" in those two categories: (1) financial (2) emotional.

I had a friend that was both. She is a doctor's wife who separated from him. She did not work, lived in a high end condo, expensive clothes, blah, blah, blah. Typical social scenario: I could not go to the pub with her for she needed to be at a martini bar instead. BTW pubs in Portland are great here; funky, casual, microbrew, sometimes live music, etc. Or did not like going to a street festival but rather the art museum. I like both but find the former more interesting than the later.

For #2, she needed reassurance frequently. She complained about not having friends or not knowing what to do for work or needing to date. She was not looking for solutions but someone to listen and reassure her.

As a rule-of-thumb, I would rather date below my economic status. I'm a technology professional so even I make really good money I have child support payments, college to pay for and a mortgage so I don't look for expensive things to do.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2007
Tue, 06-05-2007 - 10:38pm
I don't feel that I am all put together...If you could follow me around on a daily basis you would think differently..But I have hear men say that I do intimadate them..don't mean to just so independent and not dependent enough?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 8:03am

Hi there. I agree with Shrimps and Mark as to the general definition of high maintenance.

I also think if you aren't dependent, don't try to be- simply be patient.

There will be a guy who isn't put off by you, or intimidated.

My advice would be to get on with your life, as you want to, since odds are you'll find this kind of guy doing something fun, active, worthwhile.

It has been my experience that the men who like me for my independence are also independent, strong, and busy. We mesh well because we have the same goals and personality traits. I'd never be content with a guy who thought a marathon session of XBox was fun, and the guy I'm with now wouldn't be happy with me if I didn't have my own interests outside of him.

Good luck, and stick around- this is a very informative board!

Moody, who doesn't mind Mcdonald's


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 1:16pm

When I think of

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2007
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 8:06pm
Thank you for your insight..I love Mcdonalds!!! it just the men that I have been dating lately seem to want to have these fast meals...to get to dessert (get the hint) then get disappointed when all they get is the door..I don't consider myself an expensive person,yes I like to treat myself once in a while but don't expect my men to do the same if they can't. But on your second insight I think you may be on to something, I do need to have that build up. Growing up I did'nt have the praises or the verbal affirmations that most children get(no I am not blaming my parents). I didn't lack of attention from my family just the verbal expression. Maybe there is something to the emotional connection, why I need to hear some sort of expressions verbally.