No longer beating the Dead Horse...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
No longer beating the Dead Horse...
16
Thu, 10-16-2008 - 9:47am

Soooo, I'm no longer going to beat the dead horse or think about what just happened for three whole days. LOL "The nightmare on RF street" ends in that long A$$ thread. :)

After a little more thought, here is the game plan that Ali wondered about.
As you remember, I sent a note to Looney about the healing process and what I do. Every time I get involved, I give myself about three months (give or take two weeks) to adjust back from the reel of things. If I don't allow myself that peace of mind, then not only am I not healing, but I'm also not learning and if I don't learn, then I deserve nothing more then being someone's door mat.
Therefore, as tradition stands: I will reflect, heal, learn and the next time, do things differently again. I am EXTREMELY proud of the way I handeled the situation, because I remained calm the entire time. Even last night, being unglued, wasn't about yelling, throwing a temper, but just tears streaming down my face, saying exactly what I felt and keeping my voice low and calm. I exited in that manner too. No door slamming, no throwing myself to the ground, no begging or groveling. I exited in a way that I can be proud of by: Getting up from the couch, looking at him, quietly walking away, standing at the door a second, telling him "damned if I do, damned if I don't, No matter what I said or would hav siad, I wouldn't have gotten it right for you" and then closing the door behind me.

Sooo yes, all I want to do now is support everyone on this board, reflecting some more on my life, enjoying my children and putting myself into work again and the house.

Since this has gotten to be a pattern, I am going to call it: Cat's Cave Time.

Cat's Cave Time has become an important part of my life this year. And I think I am really going to delve into some more of what Mark mentioned: The FOO. Who you attract when you have your issues. Interesting concept to think I have abandonement issues and therefore attract only those that want to run away. I've thought often about this, but haven't figured out how to change the FOO. I think I might try to learn on how to overcome this.

And I never do New Years resolutions, but I do Birthday Resolutions, so I guess it's a good time to start thinking of them too.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2006
Thu, 10-16-2008 - 11:39am

I think cave time is necessary. On both sides. Hey, men do it, why wouldn't we? I too am a believer of we attract what we emit. the FOO sounds fascinating and I want to learn more about it (mark?)


I'm so glad to hear you're doing well and coming out of this, not unscathed, but definitely in the right mind set. This was NOT your issue. Like you already pointed out, no matter what, it wouldn't have been "right" because you can't get anything right when you're dealing with someone who is hell bent on finding the wrong in it and twisting it. Enjoy your life and all that you have going for you. Enjoy the cave time :)


Might a recommend a fine wine?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Thu, 10-16-2008 - 11:48am

Beating a dead horse- OMG you cracked me up!!!

And then Nightmare on RF street had me in stitches!!!!

I think you were a lot closer this time Cat. You listened more to yourself and tried to take your time getting to know him. He pushed for more, faster, now and you brought it up and said WHOA! Now he's using that as his excuse? BLAH!

On the bright side: there's no issue with his *size* anymore :P

The boy

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Avatar for myprecioustwo
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Registered: 04-08-2003
Thu, 10-16-2008 - 11:49am
Hell Bent is right. LOL. No, I'm going to stay away from alcohol for a few weeks, now that this is a done deal. I don't believe in drinking my sorrows away, but just getting through it coherently and then drinking only socially and on happy occasions. Thanks for the thought tho!
Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Thu, 10-16-2008 - 12:11pm

LOL! THE SIZE!!! I almost forgot that I posted that concern!!!! LMAO!!

ON to bigger and better SIZES.... LOL

Next time, when I meet a man, I have to make sure to do a bulg check. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Thu, 10-16-2008 - 12:14pm
My best friend and I always look at their hands.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2006
Thu, 10-16-2008 - 12:29pm
Oh goodness no!!! Not drinking problems AWAY, I'm picturing wine, a huge bubble bath and some chocolate. Then rubbish tv/movies/magazines/books cozied up in bed with more chocolate. I'm not a supporter of turning to alcohol for anything (to make or break a good time) I just find a glass of wine is so delicious when paired with chocolate and really really crappy tv

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Thu, 10-16-2008 - 12:31pm
I thought it was foot and nose size that was the indicator.
Rosecolouredspecs
Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Thu, 10-16-2008 - 12:40pm
Hmm, so many indictators!!! How could I have MISSED IT!!!!!???????/
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Thu, 10-16-2008 - 12:43pm

LOL, so what is it? The foot, hand, nose? I always thought the indicator was foot size! Have I been wrong all these years?

Edited to add: By the way, I'm glad you're not beating a dead horse any longer...they tend to start stinkin' after a while.




Edited 10/16/2008 12:44 pm ET by emma_b2
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 10-16-2008 - 12:52pm

When I realized that my FOO entailed having a Mother that was angry at men and therefore I unconsciously attracted angry women starting with my former spouse and subsequent women after my divorce, I started to look into ways of dealing with my unconscious.


A good book that talks about how our FOO affects our relationships is

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