No passion in first time sex!!
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No passion in first time sex!!
| Sat, 04-28-2007 - 10:42am |
Hey everyone. I just posted on here last week about how I was debating having sex with this guy that I have been dating for about a month now. Well, last night I went ahead and took the plunge and had sex with him for the first time. I did it because I felt comfortable and not pressured...I know i wasn't sure if i wanted to...but i decided to and today i feel fine about my decision.
The only problem is-
when we decided to have sex, he had to go out to his car to get condoms, and when he got back inside, we started kissing a little bit more (which we were doing before we decided to have sex) and then, after about 5 minutes, he put the condom on and just started trying to enter. absolutely NO foreplay (except kissing really)...he didn't use his fingers or anything!! and i let him know that it hurt a bit when he entered, so he went slow...but I was completely TURNED OFF by the fact that he didn't do anything to me down there at all before he entered. He didn't even TOUCH me with his fingers once!!
It makes me want to cry...I mean, I feel like he didn't care about my needs...I don't know...I have only been with ONE other person sexually before, so maybe I am just inexperienced. Is it normal for a guy to just jump right into it like that the first time?
I am hoping that when we have sex again, he will be a little bit more passionate and wanting to do some foreplay..cause foreplay is VERY important to me! I don't feel like I was horny enough for him to enter just yet...
Well, when we had sex, I didn't have an orgasm (though it did feel good) and when he finished, he didn't ask how it was for me, if i was okay, or anything...kind of upsetting..i was hoping that he would want ME to be pleased. But maybe I am just expecting too much for first time sex with someone? or maybe I am just comparing him to my ex too much? (who was VERY sexually compatible with me..LOVED foreplay even more than i did, and always wanted to please me before himself)
I mean, i'm not saying that this guy and I aren't sexually compatible, because it was good sex, and he does turn me on...but i was just disappointed in the lack of foreplay. and it really didn't seem like he was THAT passionate about me either...then again, he isn't a very emotional guy overall. I just wanted him to show his WANT and lust for me more, I guess. I am a very passionate person.
After we had sex, we laid in the bed together and chatted a bit for a few minutes, then he had to leave. I told him he could sleep over, but he didn't want to. So, he left and said he'd call me later.
I know that i shouldn't expect too much from him...I mean, we've only been seeing eachother about once a week and talking only once every few days also. But then again, I feel that now that we've had sex, I would like to get a bit more serious with him. I hope he knows this....He knows that he is the second guy I've ever had sex with. He knows how seriously I took it. He told me that he was fine waiting more for me to be ready, that he completely understood if i didn't want to have sex last night, which in turn made me feel more comfortable having sex with him. No pressure!
After we had sex, he was really sweet for the most part and kissed me a lot and was pretty talkative..just didn't ask me how it was for me.
All in all, it was a pretty good experience and I don't really regret it, only regret that there was no foreplay involved really. Also glad that I don't really feel more attached to him! I was worried that I would feel more attached...but so far, I don't!
I just need some advise! I don't/didn't want to just come out and ASK him to do more foreplay before he entered, because I feel that he should WANT to...and if he doesn't WANT to, then that is not a turn on for me (I feel most turned on when the man WANTS me in every way)...I'm basically just wondering if his behavior is normal, and if its possible that he really IS into foreplay, just not that time??
Thanks for any responses!! I really appreciate it!!
The only problem is-
when we decided to have sex, he had to go out to his car to get condoms, and when he got back inside, we started kissing a little bit more (which we were doing before we decided to have sex) and then, after about 5 minutes, he put the condom on and just started trying to enter. absolutely NO foreplay (except kissing really)...he didn't use his fingers or anything!! and i let him know that it hurt a bit when he entered, so he went slow...but I was completely TURNED OFF by the fact that he didn't do anything to me down there at all before he entered. He didn't even TOUCH me with his fingers once!!
It makes me want to cry...I mean, I feel like he didn't care about my needs...I don't know...I have only been with ONE other person sexually before, so maybe I am just inexperienced. Is it normal for a guy to just jump right into it like that the first time?
I am hoping that when we have sex again, he will be a little bit more passionate and wanting to do some foreplay..cause foreplay is VERY important to me! I don't feel like I was horny enough for him to enter just yet...
Well, when we had sex, I didn't have an orgasm (though it did feel good) and when he finished, he didn't ask how it was for me, if i was okay, or anything...kind of upsetting..i was hoping that he would want ME to be pleased. But maybe I am just expecting too much for first time sex with someone? or maybe I am just comparing him to my ex too much? (who was VERY sexually compatible with me..LOVED foreplay even more than i did, and always wanted to please me before himself)
I mean, i'm not saying that this guy and I aren't sexually compatible, because it was good sex, and he does turn me on...but i was just disappointed in the lack of foreplay. and it really didn't seem like he was THAT passionate about me either...then again, he isn't a very emotional guy overall. I just wanted him to show his WANT and lust for me more, I guess. I am a very passionate person.
After we had sex, we laid in the bed together and chatted a bit for a few minutes, then he had to leave. I told him he could sleep over, but he didn't want to. So, he left and said he'd call me later.
I know that i shouldn't expect too much from him...I mean, we've only been seeing eachother about once a week and talking only once every few days also. But then again, I feel that now that we've had sex, I would like to get a bit more serious with him. I hope he knows this....He knows that he is the second guy I've ever had sex with. He knows how seriously I took it. He told me that he was fine waiting more for me to be ready, that he completely understood if i didn't want to have sex last night, which in turn made me feel more comfortable having sex with him. No pressure!
After we had sex, he was really sweet for the most part and kissed me a lot and was pretty talkative..just didn't ask me how it was for me.
All in all, it was a pretty good experience and I don't really regret it, only regret that there was no foreplay involved really. Also glad that I don't really feel more attached to him! I was worried that I would feel more attached...but so far, I don't!
I just need some advise! I don't/didn't want to just come out and ASK him to do more foreplay before he entered, because I feel that he should WANT to...and if he doesn't WANT to, then that is not a turn on for me (I feel most turned on when the man WANTS me in every way)...I'm basically just wondering if his behavior is normal, and if its possible that he really IS into foreplay, just not that time??
Thanks for any responses!! I really appreciate it!!

Ekkk,doesn't sound to good to me,, is he inexpeirenced as well??? yes I would give him a chance to perform better one more time, but I think you should let him come to you,, leave him be for a bit, and see if he's still interested,, I don't know maybe I'm just to skepictal of men these days, but it really doesn't sound to promising to me..
JMO,,Florence
That is certainly disappointing. Well, you have 2 choices - you can give him another chance and can him if he is too wam bam thank you mam - OR you can tell him you like a little more time and special attention first.
Somehow this doesn't surprise me because I still think you two want two entirely different scenarios for dating. If I remember from the last post, he wants a casual dating experience and sex is no big deal. You want someone into you who thinks you and sex are something special. Somehow I don't think time is going to gap this - but it is up to you - maybe you are feeling something more special from him that is hard for us to imagine from what you type.
Good luck and keep us posted!!
Sex is usuaaly not that great the first time because of the akwardness involved, but it sounds like he didn't even try. Before I have sex with someone(it's been so long-too long-lol)
I discuss beforehand what I like. I'm very comfortable with my sexuality, and I can be a very agressive Alpha female. I usually take the lead (they love it), and I let them know what they are doing right and wrong. I don't ever fake orgasm. Me I would have told him point blank" "Sweetie, you can't come in, I'm not ready yet, get to work" I would let him know what work is needed to get me there.
Before your next date, I would discuss with him what he did wrong in a kind, loving way.
If he balks, next! Men who withold in the bedroom, withhold in all aspects of life because they are too selfish to care about anyone but themselves.
And here's where you learn that if you WANT something, then speak UP!!!
That ROTS! There is nothing worse than UNpassionate sex! Sure, I guess there COULD be a reason, like it was his 1st time with you & he was nervous, or he too is inexperienced .... BUT, really, there is NO excuse for his being seflish. B/c THATS what it was ... SEL-FISH! lol I suppose I too, at that point, would have been a bit unlikely to speak up. Believe it or NOT, I have a hard time speaking up about what I want or need in bed. Yeah, i know, suprise suprise. I can say ANYthing here ... but put me in a male relationship, & forget it! lol I have been REALLY lucky in my sexual escapades since my D, i cant remember them all (not that theres THAT many!) but i know my 1st sort of totally sucked like that. He was WAY reserved & there really wasnt very much foreplay at all. & then no cuddling AT ALL after ... he slept LITERALLY like a corpse on his back with his arms strait by his sides ... ALL nite. & in the AM, up out of bed, showered & kissed me QUICKLY goodbye (we were in a hotel & he had a meeting in the AM). I was like "Uh ... bye". Needless to say, that was the last time i saw HIM! Then the young hot guy I see still, every few months, is 28 & pretty "un hot" in bed. Sure, there is a little foreplay (but no oral for me ... i wonder if he ever has DONE that!), but nothing great. But, just the fact he is 28 & has that body (& penis!), makes up for it. If i was with him more often, I would do some teaching ... but for hte amount of time I see him, eh, not worth it.
But Carlos .... ah, Carlos in bed. NOTHING like him. Talk about satisfaction. I had to BEG for mercy, lol. & Lawn Boy now, current casual guy - GREAT oral sex. & the rest if good too. Too bad I dont want HIM around more often! or long term.
SPEAKING of Carlos, he just IM'd me during this post, whcih he never does, lol ....
carlo : hello?
Me: Hey!
carlos : psssst
carlos: how are ya? Have missed you!
Me: lol *I* was JUST talking about YOU
carlos : oh really?
carlos: in WHAT regard???
Me: Dating regards, lol
carlos : really??? Do i want to know?
carlos: what were you saying? IF i may ASK!
Me: a friend of mine is sad b/c this guy just broke up with her out of the blue
carlos: and then my name comes up!!!! Oh oh.
Me: we were just talking about MEN!
carlos: sh*t
carlos : stupid men?
Me: No, you're not sh*t ....
carlos : thanks sweets
Me: stupid? maybe. But not sh*t ;)
carlos : owwww
lol - anyway ... I say give your guy one more chance, if you think he's worth it, try to guide him a bit. & if ti seems helpless, HEAVE HO!
http://members.ivillage.com/rlch/
Edited 4/29/2007 10:45 am ET by rlch
Well that really just stinks! I would think that he'd totally want to impress the first time especially~that way you'd want to come back for more~lol! I hate to be pessimistic but he just doesn't sound like the right guy for you. First time with my ex (we broke up a few months ago becasue he had to move out of state for a job) was like fireworks! I was HOOKED!!! We were just so compatible in every way. He didn't hold back at all and WANTED to please me. I can't imagine going forward in a new relationship and foregoing that kind of passion ever again. Just douing it to get to the "end result" is just selfish! If you give him another chance, I'd try to talk him through it a bit I guess.
~Dani~
I was going to update about what happened last night with him. I feel so rejected and dejected....this has never happened before, so I dont know WHAT to think of it!
Okay, so my friend and I decided to meet him up at this bar where him and his friends were. We get there and hang for awhile with them and have a few drinks. I get a little tipsy/drunk and after the place closes, he asks if I want him to come over to my place...I tell him that we should all go to his friends house because my friend wanted to get to know his friend better. He says okay, so we head over there. OH, and before we even met him at the bar, my friend was text messaging him explicit sexual things, such as "wanna f*ck?", etc.,pretending to be me. I tell him that it was my friend when we see him, and he is really disappointed. But I don't want to lie and say it was me, I am just not that forward sexually! I was pretty upset with my friend for this too! Anyway, so we go over to his friends place and we stay till around 3:30 AM. the whole time we were there, i sat in his lap in a chair and he was holding my hand and kissing my shoulder. I felt a lot of sexual tension, and I tell him "I wanna get out of here...I'm tired!" while I kiss him..
I thought he felt the same way! He was kissing my shoulder and kissing me back when I kissed him. So, his friend gets tired and wants to go to bed, so we all leave...and when we get down to our cars (he had his own and my friend and i had mine) he gives me a hug and says "bye" ....I say "you're going home?" and he says "yeah, where else would i go?" and i say "you suck" and he says "what, am i invited over to your place?" and i say "yes, if you want to come over" and he says "no, i'm too tired" and i say "okay" and feel so rejected. he then says "ill call you later" and i walk off to my car.
at first i thought he was joking when he said he was too tired, i thought for sure he would meet me at my place. i dont know WHY this happenened, and feel so ugly and unimportant. he was being sweet to me all night, like saying we should go on a double date w/ his brother and his g/f, etc., and then THIS happens at the end of the night?? maybe he was trying to play games with me? I can't figure it out and don't know what to say to him next time I talk to him...to bring it up or not...I do feel angry and confused. I mean, it WAS 3:30 AM...so it was late. Don't know whats up though! Any help or advice at all would be greatly appreciated!!
"and feel so ugly and unimportant."
So RIGHT THERE tells me he's not the one.