No time for Clingy /needy guy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2008
No time for Clingy /needy guy
11
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 11:36am

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Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 12:04pm

If the guy is still married then you are dating a married man.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 12:14pm

Sure sounds like the rebound thing to me.


Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2008
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 12:14pm
Yes, You are right. I felt that was a big mistake to make and tried to break it off in the beginning, but was
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2008
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 12:23pm

Thanks Alison! Yes, exactly- it stopped being fun... I am very independent and can't stand a control freak.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 12:30pm

LOL about the remote!


Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2008
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 12:32pm

ITA with Mark!

JH

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 1:04pm

Hi and Welcome, Wurkin.


It sounds like rebound to me, too. Too much too soon, and he is not divorced so he has not gone through the emotional time and work it takes to get ready for another serious comittment, even though he thinks he is ready. Its really probably need.


If you are feeling smothered and bothered my thought is that you need the space to cool off. He need to let you have the space. Your kids need you and his needs are like a void that you really can't fill for him anyway. If it was me I would take time away from him and just explain it to him that he needs time to heal. And you need time alone.


Welcome again to our board! We're happy to have ya!


pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2008
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 8:08pm

I think you did the right thing I knew from day 1 before meeting him that he wasn't the guy for you . You deserve the best :) You need to find a guy thats willing to work around you and not control and plan everything you guys do ... You will find your soulmate . I wish I had the strengh that you have !


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 8:28pm
Welcome chickie!!!!!!!!!!
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 8:57pm

"Has anyone ever met someone like this?


Yes I have and it wasnt pretty. Turned out he was emotionally abusive and somewhat physically abusive. It was a bad relationship from day one. There are big time similarities with your story and my experience.


Here are the warning red flags I see:


-neediness


-moving the relationship along too fast


-head games (which are emotionally abusive)


-jealousy


I will suggest visiting the board called Dealing with Domestic Violence and reading the book Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. I read that book and learned alot about abusive men. It has a chapter on the early warning signs. I highly recommend you read that chapter. When I read it I learned that my abuser showed every single one of Bancroft's list of early warning signs. Thats when I got out of the relationship.


Two words of caution. One is its hard to change an abuser. You cant do it alone. A counselor cant do it. There are very specific groups aimed at changing abusive behavior and very few of the men who abuse change. Two the abuse nearly always gets worse. Bancroft explains this in his book and I attend a support group with women who can all atest to this.


Take care and welcome to the forum. Great bunch of folks here!


Laurie

anonymous

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