Is This Normal?
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| Thu, 03-15-2007 - 12:31am |
Hi!
I've been dating a single dad since November 2006 (4 months, plus) but I'm beginning to wonder if this is normal. I have never had this happen and I'm not quite use to it. Let me explain........I have two kids ages 1 1/2 and 3 years, he has two ages 10 and 14. We have opposite schedules with our kids meaning when he has his, I don't have mine ect. It's been hard to spend time with each other and really get to know each other. Lets put it this way, in the four months we've been together, we have never spend a whole 24 hours together. It's an over night here and there then either him or I has to pick up or kids so it's never a whole day together. We've talked about getting on the same schedule but there are some bumps in the road in order for this to happen. I can't really switch my weekends with my ex since he's got his in sync with his girlfriend and we have other issues so it's really up to my bf but it doesn't seem to be happening anytime soon. I've been dating around for about a year and then he shows up, unexpected and he makes my world such a brighter place. I think I might have found my match but is this time thing going to get any better? Is this all that there is? Is this how it goes in the world of dating single parents? Should I go along for the ride? I'm at a crossroads and I'm beginning to really fall for him. In fact, I might be in love for the first time since my ex. What do you ladies think? Any suggestions or tips for me? I would very much appreciate words of wisdom from your own experiences. THANKS!!!
-V

Hi and welcome!
My situation sounds similar to yours. I have been dating this wonderful man for 14 months and love him very much. I have 2 kids (13 and 14) he has 2 (6 and 7). He has 50/50 custody and I have full custody. It is VERY hard to have time together let alone an over night. We do not spend the night at each others homes when the kids are there so it is a rarity!
We are seeing a counselor to try and help us figure out if we can make this work. My kids are very involved with sports and I do all of the driving to and from their activities. My boyfriend wants me to spend more time with his kids but it is hard because that means I have to take time away from mine.
If we were to get married I don't know how much things would change other than we would be able to have our evenings together.
I have wondered if I would be better off being with someone who had older kids or someone who has grown children. But...... we can't help who we fall in love with. Ultimately it is a choice and one I am still trying to figure out.
Good luck
HI there, and welcome! I think after four months, you know enough about him to decide whether or not he's worth waiting for. You also know he's probably a better person because he has children.
I haven't ever dated a single dad, but I have dated men whose schedules weren't the same as mine, and between both busy lives I rarely got to see. It can be tough, especially in the beginning when you're trying to get to know each other.
I would say to stick it out for a while longer. There's no point in throwing love away when the only real problem is timing. Eventually, the two of you could be talking about living together and/or marriage, and then the children schedule wouldn't be such a big issue.
I also wouldn't nag him to change his schedule- there may be a reason he hasn't done it yet. Maybe he doesn't want to disrupt his kids' lives, maybe he likes the pace of things as they are and doesn't want to move too quickly, or maybe he is still trying to figure out the logistics. Whatever the reasons, they're his, and he'll deal with it in his time.
I'm not saying you have to wait for his time schedule, but if you can't wait, pushing him to do it isn't going to make your relationship happier. I think my advice would be to either wait for him to work around his schedule, or end the relationship. I'd vote for waiting.
Moody, who isn't patient but could be for love
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Hi!
Thank you for your response. Nice to hear other people are in the same boat so to speak. I don't feel so alone in this. This guy that I'm dating is certainly special. To tell you the truth, I think I really love him. He's been there for me like I never expected and I think he's just growning on me. Here's more information:
He just met my kids last month so we were going out for 3 months before I introduced him to my kids. They are 1 1/2 and 3 so it's not a big deal yet for them. They don't understand the concept of bf/gf and my ex is still with the OW he left me for when my son was 8 weeks old. I haven't met his kids yet, I'm sure for good reasons, they are 10 and 14 (from different mom's and he this is going to be his second divorce!) RED FLAGS?? It becomes quite complicated if I get into it so I'll keep it short and right to the point.
My kids adore him and I've never seen them take to anyone the way they do to him. It's so amazing and it just puts a nice warm feeling in my heart. When I see them interact, awwwww, it's like we're a family. BUT, I'm wondering if he feels the same way. My kids are toddlers while his are almost teenagers. I don't know if he thinks that my kids are too much work and therefore not worth sticking around for? Also, there is a big age gap between our kids, would it work out if we decided to stay together? You've been with your guy for 14 months, how is the connection part/romance in your relationship?
-V
Hi!
I guess we don't get to choose who we fall in love with right? There is no such thing as the perfect relationship (white picket fences, happily every after stuff). In my situation, I've dated enough to know what I'm looking for and what I want. I think I might found what I want with this guy. Everything is great except for the time management thing. I guess sometimes I get greedy and want more but come to realize that the time we do spend together is more special even though short. What is the glue that keeps you two together after 14 months?
I think what keeps it going for us is we have soooo much in common. Very similar values, morals, interests and above all we are both devoted parents. He is fun to be with and we actually have a few mutual friends.
For me it is so refreshing to be in a relationship where someone actually listens to what I have to say. He can read me so well, better than my ex ever could. He cares what I think. It is great!!
What about you?
Hello and welcome!
Right now in your life you are busy with younger children - I remember that age with my son and it is a lot of work for sure. So perhaps it is a good thing that while you would like to see him more, you just can't for now.
If I was you, I would be inclined to try to keep it slow and casual and figure out if he is right for you - only time will tell you this. The experience will help you decide what is right for you - you do have to be a little selfish because no one but you will look out for you.
I probably wouldn't want to mix the kids too soon. Just wait and see.