Not about dating about Baby Daddy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2006
Not about dating about Baby Daddy
15
Mon, 10-09-2006 - 3:16pm
I am just wondering if anyone else has to deal with the father of their child being with the woman that he cheated on you with that you absolutly hate and wish would fall of the face of the earth? And still tries to get you back but you don't want him but then he throws her in your face to make you feel bad, and well it works then you feel crappy and you don't know why b/c you are trying to move on with your life but you still love him. I know it sounds confusing but has anyone else ever been in this situation. You love someone but can't be with them because all they do and have ever done is hurt you? I don't talk to him and try to aviod him and I do go out on dates. I just was hoping that someday this wouldn't hurt and it still does. What can someone do? I think I have done everything, leaving him alone, not asnwering his calls, not going up to visit him when he begs me too. I just don't know why I am still hurting. If anyone has any advise that would be great, or if you have been through the same situation, let me know what you did. And by the way I am dating someone but I just do it because, not because I want the guy or anything, it just gives me something to do.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2006
Tue, 10-10-2006 - 9:36am
I never write the good times in my life, that might make me feel good. I always go back and read all the times that we were together and how he was cheating on me and might put his hands on me ( not all the time, but once in a while) and that makes me feel like I don't want him, but then again I do, because I don't know why. But anyway, I will write the good times down. Thank you for your response
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2006
Tue, 10-10-2006 - 9:45am
Your son is so cute. I will have to put my son on here too. Thank you for your response. I would like to clear up that its not that I don't like the guy I am talking too. I do, its just that I don't feel that connection, but I think its because I am still hurting over baby daddy and I am hoping that by continuing to talk to him that I will start to like him or something. He is really not my type but I am trying a new type to see if it works out better. I don't really see it as using him. Do you? Let me know what you think.
Thanks for your response
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2006
Tue, 10-10-2006 - 9:56am
I know exactly how you feel. It hurt so bad the other day, when he said "my girl" and he was sprouting how happy he was and when I see them together it is awful. But the truth is I thought I had excepted it. I apparently haven't. The thing is that right now is a good time in my life, I mean it feels like everywhere I go someone is trying to talk to me and I have girl friends again, since I didn't with him ( b/c I didn't want to do anything but work on us, and he would trip out if I did anything)But I still feel hurt. It's so hard to explain, but one thing is I know I don't want him back because he just hurts me. I don't think that he does it on purpose, he just does it. Like he will say something that hurts so bad and then be like, Baby I'm sorry I'm not meaning to hurt you. Like last night he called to appologize. I was like why are you calling and then I just hung up and left the phone off the hook. But my thinkg is 2 days ago he throws this girl in my face and then yesturday he calls to appologise, why doesn't he just let me move on with my life. He says it's because he is worried about me. I told him I am fine but I guess he doesn't believe me. He trys to say that he owes something to me after the way he did me and he wants to make it up too me. AGHHH I think he is just a sick individual. I don't know what is wrong with him.
I am happy that you are doing better. I do all the right things and I am still sad, but I guess if he just leaves me alone I will be fine, I really don't know. Good luck with your son and your masters degree. Thank you for your response.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 10-10-2006 - 4:20pm

Mom,

They say it takes about a year to get over someone to the point of where you can try again. 4 months has gone by and that is a good start.

I think one of the most difficult things about any relationship ending is dealing with the hurt of why it ended. I am now 6 years divorced and this is the first time I have felt okay with what happened. My exh hurt me in a lot of ways because he put his own mom and other things way ahead of our marriage. I can accept now that he did the best he could do and was capable of doing and I forgive him and see the good of what he did do and what we have - namely our son. I am over it.

But in the times leading up to this I would have good and bad days. Sometimes I would remember the pain from the marriage - or I would mourn the loss of the marriage.

I never had to deal with the cheating part. And I was the one who wanted the divorce because I deemed our marriage very unhealthy for me. But it was still hard. I cannot imagine your pain of all you had to go through.

The only thing I can say is that somehow in time you will come to see the purpose of all that happened and you will see how it brings you good somehow. Maybe it is because you will meet someone so much better. Or you will see he does this again and again and thank goodness you don't have to put up with it? I am not sure.

Just have patience and keep doing what you are doing. One day it will just get better.

In the mean time, if you are not into the one you are with you should not hope for that to change and lead the person on - you should let him know the truth. That frees both of you up to move on with your lives.

I do hope you keep posting - we all really care and you have received such nice comments and posts so far from this board. We all want updates and to know how you are doing!! And everyone here would appreciate your input and opinion in their posts, too. That is what we are all about - supporting each other as single moms and encouraging everyone to find love again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2006
Tue, 10-10-2006 - 5:56pm
I appreciate your response. I have posted a response to everyone that has written me. I hope that you have received them. Please e-mail me back if you get this because I do want people to know that I am happy to hear from them.
Thank You-

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