NOT calling the guy is working
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| Fri, 03-09-2007 - 11:14am |
Hi All,
Feeling good that your advice about NOT calling the guy is working. First of all I've been busy and have lots of activities going on so that helps. Sean called late again on Wednesday, but I didn't answer. It was fun in the beginning but I decided I want MORE. So, I'm not going to waste my time on him....(unless three months down the line I'm in the mood for an FWB, but I don't see that happening). But it still boosted my ego to see that he called. He was HOT.
Then last night (at 9:30 pm) I got a text message from Alan. :-) I'm new to text message flirting but I gave it my best shot. I was in the middle of grocery shopping so I'm almost glad he didn't call... that way we were able to chat without it interupting what i was doing. He said he was having a beer at a bar. (hmmm did he drunk text me?) Perhaps he was seeing if I wanted to join him... but I texted back that I was grocery shopping. Then he text back saying "You strike me as an all natural vegetarian/vegan type for some reason." And I replied, "Nope, meat and potatoes. Fat, grease, and sugar. Does that disappoint u?" About an hour later, he writes back, "Not at all. So it sounds like ur not picky." I was dying laughing at that ... wha? What was he trying to say... But then it occured to me that he was probably talking about food and maybe he was gonna ask me out to dinner again.
So, after thinking for a while about how to respond... because I thought of making a wisecrack like "well, i'm talking to you aren't i" but I replied "*smily* *smiley* smiley* Picky about what? I'm laughing cuz it took me a while to realize you were talking about food."
Then I didn't hear back from him til this morning at (6:45 am) he texted "Most of the time when I say something that could be taken multiple ways, it's on purpose. Ur interpretation of what I say tells me about u and ur frame of mind." I haven't yet responded... I might text him back during my lunch break. At least he knows how to spell and has decent grammar... I'm quite intrigued by Alan.
And soooo very glad I didn't call him over the last weekend. I have a very full weekend already. I'm attending a Women's Conference and celebrating my daughter's 14th bday. I also got invited to another Work Party this Saturday night. AND my brother is babysitting...woohoo. He's staying over so I don't have to worry about what time I get home or picking the children up from a sitter while their asleep (because they'll usually wake up when we get home and be wide awake while I'm exhausted).
So, I'm open to changing my SAT eve plans if Alan does ask me out. I already have the sitter, but since I have so many plans, I feel good that I won't be waiting by the phone if Alan doesn't call....
So how was my text flirting... That was my first time... Anyone have some text flirting tips?
LB

You're a much better text flirter than I am! Actually, I don't really text much, except to my friends and my sitter, once in a while... but I can't imagine I'd be good at it.
I like that you are busy this weekend, and that you haven't called. It does work, for the right guy, and the wrong ones aren't worth it anyhow.
I've also been not calling, and it works out well for me, since it helps weed people out at the very least.
Moody, making a pit stop to the board while at work
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I looked up articles about text flirting and found out that I should compliment him (sincerely of course) so I text him during my lunch break saying..."I'm impressed with your good spelling. Are you an intellectual/book reading kind?" (I was kinda joking because he didn't look like a book reader BUT he does spell good and I think that's important. I think it shows he has brains and rationality --- and trust me, I have met some that don't have either.)
He text back immediately saying, "Im actually not a very good speller. My momma made cute babies."
I didn't quite know what he meant by that last part. He's probably trying to see how I interpret him again... i don't know. Not wanting to be too eager, I ate my lunch and then text him back "So, are you saying you get by on your good looks. Me 2 :-)" So, we'll see what happens from there....
Oh, he just sent a text saying "I have other things goin 4 me. I bet u do 2."
Hmmm... when is he going to ask me out already...
I suppose things look promising so far ....
Don't text him back. Let him text, or better yet, CALL you. You're right, it looks promising, but promises aren't going to keep you warm at night.
I think the "momma made cute babies" thing was a joke- a lot of people say "My momma didn't raise any fools", so he was turning it around a little, which was cute.
I also think he paid you a compliment by saying you are attractive but he doesn't think that's all.
I definitely think the next move is up to him. You can text a girlfriend if you need to text someone. Hell, you can text ME, if you like, but make him come to you now.
Moody, getting better at the rules by the minute
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Hey Moody,
You picked up on the right thing with Alan.... too bad I didn't get this reply sooner... but it's all good. So here's what happenned (and there's a funny ending), I did text him back fri eve around 7... and he text me at 11 pm... things didn't feel that promising anymore... (BUT I had a GREAT friday night at a women's conference, so I wasn't waiting by the phone by any means...)
So, I pretty much felt.. either he asks me out, calls, or "he's just not that into me..." BUT being still a novice at dating and understanding men.. I gave him one last shot at 8:30 pm Saturday I texted him that he should call me sometime. But really I was stating the obviously wasn't I...
My brother was babysitting, remember, so that I could go to another coworker party (they have parties every week I found out...) BUT I decided to sing a couple karaokes beforehand and ran into Alan. Here's the odd part, he was with someone and they were quite cozy. It had been a while since I saw him and was thinking "maybe that's not him... but it sure looks like him and i guess that explains why he didn't call..." After about an hour of hanging out at the bar, I was about to leave for the party when Alan comes up to talk to me. He says "hello, having a good night?" "Sure," I said. Then, this is the big shocker, he says, "So, do you want me to call you tomorrow." Wha???? I said, "No, not if you're with someone." And he reply, "oh that makes sense." How lame could he be....? But it gives me a good laugh when I think about. But I think I handled myself good... I said, "hey it's cool. you take care of yourself." And touched him on his arm....I was going for the your-loss goodbye, i think.
So, I'm back to square one and can't wait for that book to arrive. Perhaps I'll share party details in another thread....
LB
Well, here's the thing. You can date him knowing he's dating others, since you're also potentially dating others.
It can be complicated knowing that you might run into him while one of you is on a date with someone else, but it can be done. I'm dating more than one man at a time, and it isn't unreasonable for me to assume they're also dating more than one woman, and I'm okay with that.
If you aren't, that's perfectly all right, but it isn't unacceptable to know that both parties are also seeing other people- as long as everyone's being honest... this is of course just my opinion.
It probably stems from the fact that I ran into a girlfriend from a long time ago who happens to have been on a couple of dates with the guy I'm meeting tomorrow for coffee- and they're planning another date. We'll see, I don't think I'm all that into him, but her dating him isn't what's going to sway my opinion one way or the other.
Just my opinion, and now you know better for the future- the Rules do WORK!
Moody, who thought about throwing the book out
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Ya know, I never did think about that.... I just assumed it was more than a casual date... maybe because I saw them kissing. AND that he didn't already ask me out was a bad sign.... So I'm glad that I said, no, don't call.
And I don't bring dates to the bar that I meet guys at... I go someplace that I've never been or rarely go.... For the reason of NOT running into other potential dates.
My book arrived.. it's a fast and easy read. I like the humor above all... I like how the female writer (the book is coauthor by a man and a woman) says that she feels better knowing that her part is to live a happy and fullfilled life.... the right guy will come to me. And I believe that, too. But I don't think that will stop me from making excuses for them... I just hope i figure it out sooner and move on faster than in the past.
Dating *sigh* Men *sigh* But no, I'm not bitter... not yet, anyway.
Loonybunny
LB,
I hope the book helps you. It completely changed my dating style (for the better).
I'm sorry that I'm just now reading this thread. My advise would be this.....DO NOT TEXT A MAN. Texting is probably the worst thing to do so early in a relationship. You become available at the press of a button, any time, any where. He was able to text you in the grocery store, at 6:45 in the morning....i mean, there is no allure to that. Text is cheap. It's one liners and abbreviations.
If you are just getting to know a man, these are my guidelines:
1. if he emails you, email him back only once per day (avoid initiating emails). if he replies, save your reply for the next day.
2. do not call him. wait for him to call you. do not initiate any calls or dates until he says he wants to date you exclusively.
3. text and IM is a no-no. tell the guy that you're too busy for IM sessions and you're not a fan of phone texting. he has to call you to respect you. men use IM and text to hook-up with women, not to impress them or get to know them.
Fivesense, I always value your advice- even when I find it hard to adhere to! Usually I'm doing the opposite of what I'm being advised to do- which probably explains my single status.
However, I agree with everything you say in this post, and am pretty good lately at following it. I haven't read the book in question, but I'm noticing a lot of similarities between it and "The Rules".
Moody, newly appreciative of self-help literature
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While, generally, I think this is great, no-nonsense advice, I have a different point of view about texting. Personally, I hate talking on the phone, and use texting as a way of planning my schedule and activities. My SO is the same, and at the beginning of our relationship, we planned everything by text. Not once did he send me a text message that was disrespectful (or even flirty, actually), and I much preferred this way of communicating to phone coversations, which I find extremely stressful.
Of course, it depends on the guy: a good one won't text you inappropriate things at inappropriate hours of the day.
That's my two cents.
Clem xx
I don't mind an occasional text message and I was new to text flirting.... And with noisy children, I thought the text messages were cool at first... that way the children didn't even know really that my attention was divided.. but they did start to catch on after a while.... BUT I was hoping he would call after a couple texts which he didn't...
I did find some helpful "text flirting" articles on some dating sites... one of them being "be hard to text" meaning don't respond right away and make them sweat. I know that I felt a little sweaty when I would text him and wait and wonder a little if he was going to respond or disappear. I think for me it just got boring and it didn't feel like a connection.
But still being new at the RULES, I'm not opposed to a text but next time, after a couple I'll text back about how I don't really like to communicate that way....
Thanks,
LB