Not just a small red flag but WAVING

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Not just a small red flag but WAVING
32
Thu, 10-09-2008 - 8:23am

high, large red flag.

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-09-2008 - 10:01am
No, he doesn't have any children.
 
Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Thu, 10-09-2008 - 10:22am
To me that changes things a bit. If he was ok to wait, because it was only him he was taking care of, it's much different when he isn't taking care of other responsibilities such as having children. Ya know? It doesn't reflect on him necessarily as being a bad egg. Just a thought.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2007
Thu, 10-09-2008 - 10:55am

"I understand not everyone is a Type A person that is driven but there has to some sort of ambition or need to provide. Doesn't there?????"

Unfortunately sweetie that's not always the case. Some people are totally content to just let life happen to them and scrape by on what they can get. Trust me, I know people like this in real life. (long story, but I will tell if you are interested)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-09-2008 - 11:03am

Yes, I worked nights at a liquor store, part time hours with an attorney friend all the while still trying to do mortgages and find a job.

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-09-2008 - 11:05am
Start typing missy, lol.
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Thu, 10-09-2008 - 11:10am

My two cents...

My ex had no ambition, either. He would talk a good game and make everyone get the impression that he was doing things or had connections that he didn't have. Every time he was offered something to improve his condition he would quit his job or get himself fired. There were times where he went months without a job because he thought too many things were beneath him. Now, he is waiting for the world to come to him because he thinks he is going to be a professional musician, and is waiting to be discovered. Seriously.

Where is he today? Waiting tables at 53. There is nothing wrong with that, and he makes a decent living. But he is getting to the point where it is starting to become a strain on his body. And because of that he has no savings, no future. But because of his enormous EGO, he turned down many opportunities that would have put him in a better situation. He won't get another job to make ends meet, because he has "standards".

I work three jobs and go to school and am raising the kids 24/7. Even my stupid drunken date from the other night thought it was obscene that I do all that while my ex waits around for record companies to discover him in his basement in rural Massachusetts.

Don't ghost, but send an email saying that there are things that you need and want and that you just don't think that this will work out. There is nothing wrong with being on unemployment, but if you don't use that time to better your situation, personally, I find that a little disgraceful.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2007
Thu, 10-09-2008 - 12:31pm

ok, you asked for it.

Barry had a dog, Loki, who was getting really old. He had gotten a new job where he had to travel a lot (gone m-f) and needed a roommate to care for Loki while he was away. He had this guy Rob (an aquaintance I guess, I never cared for the whole back story) to move into this house that he rented and take care of Loki. Well Rob had this girlfriend Janice who was going to nursing school - she was also addicted to pain killers, so I'm sure her nursing career will be short and painful for her - and she lived with her parents who had extra money to spoil Janice with. Because of that and the fact that Rob would have much rather hung out at home and played video games, he didn't have a job. The deal Barry gave him was pretty sweet - B payed for most everything and Rob had to chip in $400 a month for rent and take good care of Loki - that was it. Well Barry offered to help Rob write a resume, put in some good words for Rob with his friends in manufacturing, etc etc and all Rob wanted to do was stay home and whine about how hard it was to find a job. Him and Janice fought (like literally brawled, the neighbors told B they had called the cops a few times when he was out of town) all the time and they were very on again, off again. Rob didn't care one bit to change the situation he was in, even though his savings was dwindling and he had no ability to get a job what-so-ever. He just hung out and let life happen to him, and then went so far as to start insulting Barry about all kinds of stupid stuff. So finally Barry had had enough and Loki was to the point where he was too miserable to have any quality of life, so Barry had him put to sleep and told Rob he had 30 days to get his stuff together. To this day I have no idea what happened to Rob or Janice, but I have a hunch Rob is still unemployed and living with Janice and being supported by her parents. So there's my long long story about lazy people with no ambition.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Thu, 10-09-2008 - 12:38pm

((((Hugs LC))))


Shoot. I was hoping for the best with DJ. I can see where you are torn. He is fun and caring and all of that... but it's hard to ignore the work ethics.


I think Startover96 really nailed it. DJ sounds similar. As if he thinks life owes him a great job and so he won't do the hard work to get there? And you my friend, have worked endlessly and consistently because it is your values to do so. To always make yourself a better person, you have ambition. To me it is looking like your moral fibre is different than DJs as far as ambition. And that is a big deal when it comes to relationships in the long run.


Don't ghost him... you might be disgusted with his work ethics but you guys deserve to be honest with each other. By phone or next time you see him, definitely talk to him and tell him that you are a different kind of person as far as work and success and that the picky comment turned you off. And that you love him as

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Thu, 10-09-2008 - 12:50pm

Wow Amanda, I could swear you were talking about BE's ex room mate the psycho veteran! Same story. BE even helped him fill out applications. The veteran kept getting fired for drinking on the job, and then would not pay BE rent, or would blow rent money on drugs instead of paying BE. He would alternate between that stuff and being ultra-Christian 12 steps guy every few months. He also had a bad news addicted girl friend and they would fight all the time. And BE put up with all that until recently when I decided to move in. I could not stand the veteran. All the while he had an attitude, as if all the bosses in the world are jerks who were out to get him. As if he was a victim. I bet

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2006
Thu, 10-09-2008 - 1:22pm

Wow, that sucks! I agree, huge red flag, but do you want to just end it with him without talking to him first and hearing what he has to say about it? Maybe he realizes it's time to grow up and he's getting himself on the right track. Then again, maybe I'm just too hopeful about that, lol.

Either way, I think some time in your cave is very justified, then you can clear your head and talk to him. I think after this much time and closeness, the talk or break up should be in person. HUGS and good luck!