Not Missing Her
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Not Missing Her
| Thu, 12-18-2008 - 1:38pm |
Just sharing some meanderings and reflections on what is going on in my relationship.
| Thu, 12-18-2008 - 1:38pm |
Just sharing some meanderings and reflections on what is going on in my relationship.
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Mark,
ITA with Moon.
"Do you think you would miss her if she were to go away for a few months? No, I would not miss her if she went away."
I just cant imagine having a depth of feeling for someone and being with them intimately and not missing them if they went away for a few months. I understand being independent and being able to make myself happy but I also recognize that one of the things that I had to do to truly love again was risk being with someone who MATTERED to my life. Someone who clearly bettered it and made me feel things that would be sorely missed if they left. Understanding and acknowledging that last sentence helped me cherish them and love them even more. I dont get from you that you are afraid to take this risk in love but I do think that you are possibly biding time by being with someone who if they turned and left, you wouldnt suffer for it.
Also as a personal side note, after my mother died I had this period that now when I look back on it, I distanced myself from great friends and made new acquaintances and dated people who I knew deep down would not last. It was as if I couldnt bear getting closer or fostering relationships that could hurt me for a while. My heart needed time to get over losing her maybe. Before I met SYB, I literally had a dinner/mini ceremony with one of my closest friends in which I toasted to the fact that I was ready to love and be loved and feel scared in the process. That I didnt want to close off from joy and the things a great love relationship could offer me. I had been pouring my heart into violin and my son but with those I risk nothing. With a man, I risked seemingly everything.
Sorry to ramble but I thought I would throw in what your thread has made me think about it. It may not be helpful but I wish you well with all of this...
My son is now in his second year of college.
Just a thought...you seem to "accept" that people go away or you don't see them (CW, son, daughter getting to that point)...maybe this is your way of keeping yourself from getting hurt? Or being too open? Just a thought.
I wish you luck in finding what makes you happy and charged M.
~C~
Maybe Mark, as open as you seem to be, its a way to keep yourself from getting too close? Or getting hurt?
Im sorry (i think, b/c Im not sure you think its a bad thing) that its not ALL you want it to be with CW. (((hugs)))
Good point.
One way of analyzing how you feel now is to analyze how you reacted to similar events in your life.
Mark,
To clarify, just because I don't miss those who are close to me does not mean I am cutting off my feeling or connections with them.
I like being with the people in my life but I guess I have trained myself that when they are out of sight, they out of mind.
I work on keeping people in my life but understand when they move away (emotionally, life-wise, etc.).
Mark
We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. ~Japanese Proverb
Men and women are wired differently. Maybe it's something to do with that which makes it hard for us to understand. You see I know when I go to see DF I am excited. I can't wait. I get a rush or a buzz from it and I wish it happened more often. I get the feeling from him that it means more to me than to him and to be honest Mark before I read your posts
I probably would have walked away.
It's not that I don't feel like he is attracted to me or that we have any problems in the bedroom or anything. I just think we have reached that comfortable stage in our relationship for him. When I am there I know he is happy that I am but I really don't know if it affects him when I'm not. The hard part is being okay with that. I had to learn it was okay to miss someone that does not themselves miss me. The difference is we do see each other almost every day and I think if I went away for a few months he might start to miss me a little- he doesn't really have to miss me now.
I guess what I am trying to say is that usually someone is more invested in the relationship as the other and you need to look within yourself and make sure you are okay being the one less invested. My other suggestion is that if she doesn't give you what you feel you need maybe it is time to step back for a while (though maybe after the holidays would be better to tell her.)
Well maybe it's all just over thinking. I mean you have a full life with a job that has it's moments of stress and you have your kids, friends, and CW. Maybe it's not that you don't miss her, but maybe you just need some time to yourself!!! You don't know if you wouldn't miss her if you were apart for a long time because you've never been apart!!
EG tells me he misses me all the time when we're apart and he probably does in a way. But I also know that he likes time to himself. He's always happy to see me when we get back together so the time apart is good in that way. He's been working all weekend and even though I like our time together, it's been nice having some time to myself. Between kids, work and EG I hardly ever get time to run errands and do simple things like watch chick flicks.
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