Not really interested...Do I call back?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2006
Not really interested...Do I call back?
3
Sun, 08-05-2007 - 12:30pm

So the older guy called me yesterday and left me a message about what a great time had, etc...Honestly, I really am not that interested. Not because he's older but I just didn't feel any chemistry with this guy. I need butterflies, and I realize that's not always going to happen the first couple of times you go out with someone, but I have known this guy for a year and think there'd be some sort of spark on my end.

I did forget tell you guys what he said that was such a HUGE turn-off. He was married for 20 years, but didn't sleep with his wife until their honeymoon. He tells me that after that first night he realizes that he's married the wrong woman. I mean...come on, it was THAT bad??? But, being the great guy he is he sticks it out because that's what marriage is all about...right? They have 2 children together, he's still miserable living in a virtual "sexless" marriage and 10 years into it he has an epiphany on the beach and decides that as soon as his oldest son goes to college he will leave the marriage. His wife is apparently oblivious to this and just like planned he leaves her after 20 years of marriage. Now...he thinks this was some sort of noble sacrifice he's made that's pretty much worthy of sainthood (he actually used the word, "saint"). Anyway...I think what he did was disgusting!!! Does he actually think he did this poor woman a service by staying with her when he didn't love her and leaving her after 20 years, single when he knew all along he was going to leave??? I had heard him tell the story before, but after hearing it twice and how he thinks he's such a great guy, it was a major deal breaker. I almost wanted to tell him to stop admitting he did that because it probably wasn't winning him any points.

Ok, sorry that was so off topic, but I had forgotten about that and wanted to share.

So....Do I call him back and thank him for dinner and hope he doesn't ask me out again or just not call back. When I was dating in my 20's I would have just blown him off, but i feel like i should at least call him back.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sun, 08-05-2007 - 1:23pm

Since you have known him for so long I think you should say something to the effect that you are not a match. I would do that by email or phone.

And I do agree with you that his story is a turnoff. Imagine how their lives could be if he would admit he had a problem 20 years ago and they either sought counseling or ended it to find someone more suitable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Sun, 08-05-2007 - 6:45pm

Well, there's nothing wrong with admitting he's not a match.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2006
Sun, 08-05-2007 - 8:03pm
Yup...that's pretty much what I'm thinking. What a guy! I think I will send him an e-mail or text thanking him for the night, though.