Not shy but gunshy
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| Wed, 10-01-2008 - 7:37pm |
so my revelation about MM is that he is not shy but gun shy ... for those who didn't read the thread about the blog... that blog was about me and gave me insite into his mind... but nonetheless i feel he needs to come to me. plane and simple. i think the lack of chemistry is due to his holding back.. but i can't chase him just because he's gun shy...
but i need to remind myself that 1) i cannot change another person 2) i do not have control over another person. I've reminded myself that i do have control over 1) my thoughts 2) my feelings 3) my actions 4) my choices. and i need to exercise that control... empower myself. etc
It doesn't help that i'm the jealous type.... for that reason i may not go to the meetup this friday if i don't hear something back from him that encourages me... i wouldn't be able to have a fun time if i see him not flirting but even just talking to other females in the group. i'll be worried about looking like a stupid fool. And i need to own my jealousy, evidently. that comes from my own fear. perhaps i'm a little gun shy, too. you all have been trying to kick my butt into putting myself out there.. but i keep chickening out, right or wrong.
at the end of his blog he says, "i forgot, why is it that i want to jump again? oh ya, because if feels good....lol" so that sounds to me like he's cautious but not backing off altogether ... and yet, i'm on pins and needles waiting for him to respond to my thank you note.
i'm a nut.... i confess.
Loonybunny ~ inhale, exhale.

If you're a nut, then I am a nut, too.
I can't believe that at 44, divorced, two kids, a couple of degrees, I still can't figure out how men work. I can't figure out why they send me into such a tizzy. I have been playing phone tag with a guy for a couple of days now and I still feel like a tongue tied dork cause it's my turn tonight!
I don't think your problem is jealousy, it's more like disappointment if you saw him flirting with someone. Disappointed because you want it to be you. I would feel the same way.
I think if I were in your position I would be a nut too. Its tough with a guy like that. You almost feel like you have to handle him with kid gloves. Thats how RG is. He is always teetering on a fence about us. I got tired of putting on the kid gloves around him and just wanted to be myself, so I backed off and started seeing other people. Let me tell ya, being yourself, no matter how forward goofy or free you are, feels a whole lot better. Bottom line, I want to be myself no matter what relationship I am in.
So my advice, be yourself. If he likes you for who you are then its got a good chance of working out. If you have to be someone else or act a certain way around him thats not natural then it wouldnt work out anyhow.
Laurie
Loony, way to own your feelings and actions!
well, if ya notice the first part of my orginal post was all "he needs to this" and "he needs to that"... while i felt like i was just waiting on him... NO NO NO... that was acting like a victim.
I decided to turn it back to me. Define how i feel, think, etc. Let go of what i cannot control.... for me, that doesn't mean chase him but rather be clearer about my interest in him (the thank you note, for example) and decide to wait this out... that's my choice. At some point i can decide i'm done waiting... again, though, it's my choice.
today is a new day.
Loonybunny