Note- Thurs AM meeting with psyc & X -
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Note- Thurs AM meeting with psyc & X -
| Tue, 01-29-2008 - 11:16pm |
psyc called to say that X was able to fit his appt into what we (psyc & I) were avaliable. Its Thurs AM.
X has been pretty quiet since the threats last week via phone that he was "going crazy not seeing dd, & going to blow & it wouldnt be good for me or the doctor, & I could take those as threats if i wanted to".
DD called him once in a week or so, & he still isnt calling her at all.
So, ... onward ... lol







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I am so done with trying to fix, or control their relationship. He IS what he IS. If HE chooses to be a safe, appropriate father - then all the more power to him.
Hi rlch, My thoughts are with you this morning. Hopefully the discussions with take some positive turn today. Dont lose hope.
One thing I ca say for sure today is that these emotionally weak men are not worth any kind of sympathy..When the day comes that they are
Ugh. He is a LOT OF WORK!
Dance, its funny you specify staying strong in the face of a weak man ... i have to say, i dont think i ever had to hold myself together so strongly as I did, at the end of this meeting.
The 1st 40 min was the very typical all the blame on me for poisoning dd against him, threats of legal action or his "disspearing forever", he swears that I tell her what to say, write & draw (i suppose in the situation its Semi-understandable that he would think that, b/c who WANTS to think their child draws things about them like she has) & mostly that I am a mean, vindictive person & gain pure pleasure out of "keeping him from his child", that I bankrupted him (YEAH, right! He nearly did ME in financially!) He was just ALL over the place - getting really angry a few times. He kept saying there was NO REASON to continue to keep her from him, he was ready to put it all behind him & see her - yet whenever he was confronted with "if you are ready, then why do you never call her, & when she does call you, why do you put HER on the sotp & ask her why she hasnt called you?" - the doc kept pointing out the stress it puts on the child, to be the one who is supposed to keep the contact - & how important it was for HIM to be & act like a parent, & NOT have his child worrying about taking care of him.
Oh.
No, dont worry, I defended myself, as did the doc. He kept veering him away from bashing me, to the FACTS, but Taz kept going back to the blame game.
As for the paying, when i saw the psyc last on my own, he did say "you know, at some point you are going to have to think about stopping the payments & making him responsible for that as well" ... & I told him whenever he thought i should, I would.
"I hope its a turning point. But, Im not counting on it, thats for sure."
I totally thought that same thing, R. I really hope for him and Ave (and you, too) that he DOES finally "get it" and start working towards healing himself and getting better. But I just don't see him doing it, after all these years and all the clear signs (that he kept missing) that he needed help!
And if he was "so happy" when you guys were all together, how does he explain why HE ended up being abusive to you??? I guess he just puts all that on you, right? That YOU made him be abusive, even though he was "happy"?? **sigh**... I really do hope that he "gets it" this time.
Hugs,
~shrimpy
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
I know it was hard for you but I am glad he had his breakdown!
April
It does sound like you might finally be starting to make some head-way.
(((hugs))) I can just imagine how tough this was. Unfortunately, I have to agree with shrimpy, maybe he'll really work at this, really make some progress at becoming a healthier human being, but it just isn't likely. This psych has quite a job ahead of him. The behavior with you present is important in the psych's analysis of the problem, and for Ave's sake he has to see how you react to it all. Keep being strong and moving yourself out of their relationship and resisting the temptation to "be nice" and cave to his pathetic demands out of misplaced sympathy is important. Taz has to be able to take responsibility for his actions both past and present. He needs to be able to be responsible for HIS relationship with Ave. It is going to be a very long and very painful process for all of you. My prayers are with you.
Man, I wish Psychoboy would just go to a psych for himself. But, of course there is nothing wrong with HIM, it's all my fault he's not happy.
Hopefully, the co-pays will come off that payment you are supposed to give him later down the road. But, he really is aware of how that is just screwing you. I'm sure he gets some satisfaction from that.
QueenBun
Rebecca, OMG, if you were closer I would bring you a cold bottle of wine. I could use a glass about now myself.
Anyway - I have so many thoughts after reading this.
First of all, I can see how you would want to cry - knowing how he broke down and wants his family back and to be happy. But the truth of the matter is that as you know he is not capable of that and it is sad. I think you showed true empathy. But I also think you really showed a lot of wisdom to stand your ground - you know better - and that is very good - you are wise and strong.
Second, I think this is all part of due process - to have a legal foot to stand on to keep him from her until he wants to be ready and gets himself ready mentally to be a dad and treat her right and not harm her anymore. I understand that you don't have the money for the legal battle that would take and that you are doing all you can to really help him see he needs to be better.
Third, I think you were so smart to get out of the room when you did. I am so impressed at how the psych handled everything - I think he can see through him very well and it is great you can have all of this accurately documented by such a professional.
Fourth, I hope he does see the counselor to get help with his anger and maybe to someday realize his part in this and how he so royally screwed up on so many fronts with not only you and your marriage but now with his own daughter. You are most gracious to offer to pay the copay and yes it is worth it. One thing that is good is that the more he says the bigger the jerk he shows himself to be in front of others.
Good work - keep us posted. Be safe and calm and well, okay?!
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