Note- Thurs AM meeting with psyc & X -

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Note- Thurs AM meeting with psyc & X -
41
Tue, 01-29-2008 - 11:16pm

psyc called to say that X was able to fit his appt into what we (psyc & I) were avaliable. Its Thurs AM.


X has been pretty quiet since the threats last week via phone that he was "going crazy not seeing dd, & going to blow & it wouldnt be good for me or the doctor, & I could take those as threats if i wanted to".


DD called him once in a week or so, & he still isnt calling her at all.


So, ... onward ... lol

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Rebecca, Mom to Averey, 2/8/00, Kibo, Sana & Zuri too!

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Registered: 08-23-2006
Thu, 01-31-2008 - 7:13pm
Hugs R!!
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Registered: 11-25-2007
Thu, 01-31-2008 - 9:22pm

Like everyone else, I feel for you going thru this BUT

mom_uk2socal - Mom to DS22, DS19, DD16

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Registered: 06-21-2007
Thu, 01-31-2008 - 11:45pm

Since I have missed a lot of the story, I have to ask...Why are you going to counseling together? As an outsider, it seems to just be a perpetuation of you taking care of him, particularly since you pay for him to attend. He also seems to use this opportunity to take out his anger on you and refuse to acknowledge his own fault.


In my situation, not speaking for yours, I had to realize that he is

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Fri, 02-01-2008 - 8:39am
Im not counting on it. You know, he HAS hit "rock bottom" b4, & continued his antics. One if the big issues is that he IS an alcoholic. & THAT isnt being adressed. I think i need to speak to the doc about that. It sort of has taken a back seat to everything now, but one of my Alanon freinds pointed out that NOTHING changes for an alcoholic, unless they get sober. I doubt VERY much he can or will, accomplish that as well. I dont know how much he is drinking. This is a small town & I would hear if he was out & drunk a lot. I am not hearing that. But i SO know he still drinks. & he never drank alone at home - sure, that could have changed, but again, Ive never noticed it in his voice when he calls for Ave or visa versa, & believe me, HE is someone who you can "hear" 1 drink in his voice. Thanfully, he also never drinks in Avereys prescence, BUT ... one drink for an alcoholic is too many ... & although he admits to alcoholism, he is in denial b/c he is a binge drinker, as opposed to an everyday drinker - so he thinks thats ok.

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Rebecca, Mom to Averey, 2/8/00, Kibo, Sana & Zuri too!

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Registered: 03-15-2004
Fri, 02-01-2008 - 8:42am

I too am glad that he at least voiced those feelings TO the psyc, as to why he cant get over this at this point. He did take responsibility finally, saying he knows that he treated me badly in the marriage .... he didnt say "abuse" ... in fact, when i brought up early in the appt, that Averey had counseling at the Domestiv Violence Center, he laughed & said "Please, like YOU were ABUSED". He does NOT count pushing, shoving, poking, lifting me up by the neck, hairpulling & EXTREME verbal & emotional abuse, AND threats to kill me, as Domestic Violence. & I think that until he comes to terms with THAT, he really wont "get it". Or have any real remorse. Im afraid that his remorse is for what HE lost, not what he DID.

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Registered: 03-15-2004
Fri, 02-01-2008 - 8:43am
re: the refusal to admit abusive behavior - see post above, i just spoke of that.

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Rebecca, Mom to Averey, 2/8/00, Kibo, Sana & Zuri too!

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Registered: 03-15-2004
Fri, 02-01-2008 - 8:46am

lol, if wasnt "Nice" after THAT breakdown, I think I finally have gotten balls of steel!

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Registered: 03-15-2004
Fri, 02-01-2008 - 8:52am

Thanks for the wine offer ... I helped myself!

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Registered: 03-15-2004
Fri, 02-01-2008 - 8:53am
Thanks Liz.

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Rebecca, Mom to Averey, 2/8/00, Kibo, Sana & Zuri too!

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Registered: 03-15-2004
Fri, 02-01-2008 - 9:03am

Thank you- yes, *I* am impressed i stayed so strong too! It MUST be b/c i am so much more detached than i used to be ... a year ago i would have BAWLED with him.


Thankfully I didnt see Averey until hours later -- I had an interview out of town & didnt return home till 9pm ... so i had 11 hours to de-stress, lol.


Yes, i OFTEN wonder how i was actually in love with (or THOUGHT i was) him, & married to him. Now i know iw as just trying to FIX him. Save him. Whatever.

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