Note- Thurs AM meeting with psyc & X -

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Note- Thurs AM meeting with psyc & X -
41
Tue, 01-29-2008 - 11:16pm

psyc called to say that X was able to fit his appt into what we (psyc & I) were avaliable. Its Thurs AM.


X has been pretty quiet since the threats last week via phone that he was "going crazy not seeing dd, & going to blow & it wouldnt be good for me or the doctor, & I could take those as threats if i wanted to".


DD called him once in a week or so, & he still isnt calling her at all.


So, ... onward ... lol

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Rebecca, Mom to Averey, 2/8/00, Kibo, Sana & Zuri too!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Fri, 02-01-2008 - 9:10am

The reason the counseling is together is b/c is is a court ordered "co-parenting counseling session".

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Fri, 02-01-2008 - 9:41am

Wow R- I know all that has happened all along, but it's still shocking to read the trail of events. I've 'known' you since we were barely pg with our "babies" (wow- almost 9 yrs total!)- and you've tried SO hard to get him to see the problems and take responsibility. But I'm glad to see you starting to let go of that responsibility and make HIM do the work for himself. You tried for years to change him, to make him into the better man you felt he could be... but it can happen only if HE sees it, and does the work to get there.


I did the same thing- marrying (stupidly) someone who I knew wasn't right for me, but thought that he would "grow up" once he realizes that he was an adult and needed to grow up. And while we didn't actually plan for the kids, we did plan for kids 'in the future' and so the timing

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 02-01-2008 - 9:45am

I do agree with this - it is your only choice. If he is legally entitled to see her and wants to see her, you have to follow due process with the psych to prove he is unfit and/or to help him be more fit so you can trust him with her. I think we all really understood this a few months ago when you explained the damage he did with regards to his going off the deep end in front of her teachers and everyone at school - it clearly showed he puts his own anger ahead of looking good in front of her teachers and all the other parents and kids and his own daughter.

It is very difficult to change the original court orders of shared custody without major proof of something bad - and this is going to either:
a) give you that proof
or
b) help him get better

I do hope he addresses the alcohol issue. Unfortunately, alcoholism is a PROGRESSIVE disease that doesn't just stay the same or get better on its own. Denial is a major driving factor - but the liver doesn't deny the damage. At some point he is going to lose his tolerance for it and will become more susceptible to the bad feelings of a hangover and he will drink more frequently and show the effects more. This is also very scary to put a kid with an alcoholic.

Does he have any DUIs? I know if you had proof of something like that it would give you more legal leg.

Did the psych say what the next step would be? I do think you should discuss the alcoholism with him - I would call him today about that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Fri, 02-01-2008 - 11:19am

I'm afraid that his remorse is for what HE lost, not what he DID.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Fri, 02-01-2008 - 4:05pm

{{{{{Hugs}}}}}


Rebecca- I have read along and simply can not fathom how you have been so strong through all of this. Taz is manipulative and needs that counseling bad- I pray he gets it and starts to see the light. My hat is off to you. I do not know that I could be so strong. I would so want to run and ignore him and refuse to step foot in counseling with him. But I know that you have to do this- it's for Avery and my God girl, you are one tough cookie...at least you were in counseling on the outside. I know inside it hurts. Regardless of all the crazy , mean, awful things he does and is, I know that you are human and must hurt to hear him (anyone) reach their breaking point and cave like that. I am glad it happened because he had to feel that low and admit it in order to even begin to change for the better.


Thank God Avery has you. You are one strong, caring, dedicated Mommy. Keep us posted- I'm thinking of you guys.


~Pacific~



Edited 2/1/2008 4:07 pm ET by pacific_sun
~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Fri, 02-01-2008 - 4:21pm
Wow. I have read all of this today. I was completely swamped yesterday so I am coming in late on the thread. I cant imagine how tough it was but you did so beautifully. It is bad enough to see an absolute stranger have a breakdown but you wrote something so eloquent about how you loved him at one point and made a baby with him and now this. I totally get that and your humility is so refreshing just in general.
I think this could be a break through for you too. You are getting stronger and forming firmer boundaries with him as you sort through this and you are freeing up in doing so even if there are massive growing pains along the way. As painful as it is you are pathing the way to a happy life with Ave, with him or without him.
I hope you had a wonderful glass of wine last night - you surely deserved it!
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2007
Fri, 02-01-2008 - 7:27pm

OMG I am horrified at what you went through and how horrible he was to you and then as if to add insult to injury the way he is behaving now, as if he did nothing wrong then or now.

mom_uk2socal - Mom to DS22, DS19, DD16

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Fri, 02-01-2008 - 7:53pm

Rebecca,


I'm glad that there was a little of a breakthrough on his part at the meeting yesterday, but I worry that you have to sit through the abuse.


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Registered: 03-15-2004
Fri, 02-01-2008 - 9:29pm
The plan never was for me to be

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Fri, 02-01-2008 - 10:16pm
Well, I'm glad to hear it's going to be just him at the sessions now. I can't imagine how you felt listening to him break down like that- you just want to reach out to him and make him feel better, but you know you can't or it'll all slide back...



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