Notice i am NOTon my date right now!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Notice i am NOTon my date right now!
27
Sun, 09-16-2007 - 8:34pm

Ok, need your opinions - I think I "did it" again!" - remember at some point, I don’t even remember the details, but at some point I left something open-ended with a date in the past & it turned out he didnt think we were comfirmed for sure & I did??? Or something like that.


ANYway - Originally IT guy & I were going out next Fri, for the 1st time - had to wait that long b/c of my schedule.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 09-17-2007 - 11:48am

Not sure if you are implying that I am not focused on my child? If so, completely wrong.

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Registered: 10-07-2005
Mon, 09-17-2007 - 3:27pm


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 09-17-2007 - 4:52pm

I had an idea for you on the sleeping thing. Because my DS slept with me for a long time. We totally redid his room to a big boy room - and that did the trick. He got a desk, new furniture and other amenities. And he never wanted to sleep in my bed with me again. We spent time in there putting away his things and he got to pick a lot of stuff out. And it was never spoken - he just chose it.

I don't think you can "take something away" - you replace it with something better so that is what they choose. A child-chosen weaning so to speak.... very easy on everyone's nerves.

I know that Alison has your best interests at heart. What I was thinking is that maybe this is a "dating-ready" test or meter? That you have to sort out the Ave sleeping thing. And if I may add my .02 worth on the exh - is that you have to get over his stupidity. I don't think you can force or expect him to carry his half or be dependable - because he never will be - and unfair as it is - as soon as you adapt to that and shoulder the burden - peace will follow. I think that if he wants to see Ave he has to show up on time and pick her up and stick to the schedule - or he doesn't get her and it is his loss and you don't care. And you need to have a backup plan for when he doesn't.

Hope this helps somehow - and that MrIT calls soon.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 09-17-2007 - 11:34pm

"Forcing her" to her dads wasnt the issue at all. He had planned to take her that nite, all weekend she expected to be going there. As assanine as he is (& when he is really bad emotionally, i dont allow her to go), she usually wants to go. Never EVER would i "force" her to go with him. Its a fine line legally b/c in this state anyway, unless there is "immenent danger" to the child, you cant with hold visitation, even if hte KID doesnt want to go. So, yes, i hold it sometimes - but only in the event of his being out of control or obviously not in his right mind. I spent 4K last fall to try to get protection so she COULD choose, or I could, when he wasnt doing well, & the GAL nor the courts would ok that. So, basically, i follow the court order, unless she (who is very good at gauging what he father is like day to day by how he is when they speak) says our "code" word "I think I need a break from Daddy".


As for having her stay with a sitter - for something "not confirmed" - NOW i see, once i got home & re-read our emails, that it wasnt confirmed. THEN i thought it was (or i woudnt have contacted him like it did, thinking we had confirmed for sure). & i wasnt going to cancel a date with someone, especially a 1st dte, b/c she didnt want the sitter ONLY b/c she hates to sleep alone.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Mon, 09-17-2007 - 11:48pm

UGH- Webkins!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 09-17-2007 - 11:51pm

If you read the last post to the other CL, you can see what i did/am doing about the sleeping.


We DID the "big girl room" thing already last spring. she LOVED it, for 2 nites, lol.


Beleive me, I am WAY over his stupididty. I DONT count on him at all. I always , ALWAYS, have a

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Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 09-17-2007 - 11:53pm
Dogs are Kibo & Sana (he is the goofey dog, toungue out in 1 pic, & closest to the camera in the other pic) & Zuri is the crazy cat.

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Rebecca, Mom to Averey, 2/8/00, Kibo, Sana & Zuri too!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Tue, 09-18-2007 - 12:29am
They're great names!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 09-18-2007 - 3:06am
I lived in Kenya.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 09-18-2007 - 8:02am

Oh no - only 2 nights in the big girl room? You didn't get off easy!! LOL!!

"He doesn't ever take her his 'weekend', it doesn't exist in his mind. He basically takes her overnite 2 nites a week, at his whim. Does it suck to follow HIS whim? yeah, but - 1. dd needs her father - unless he's being crazy. & 2. i actually get "my way" more than he knows ... If dd calls him at say 5pm to say hello one nite, he will inadvertently ask her if she wants to sleep over that nite. I rarely say no. but, if i know I am working say the next nite at 7pm (i alreday will have a back up sitter on call), I will keep her busy the nite b4 & she will call him later, like b4 bed. THEN its too late for him to ask her ot come over then, so he will say "want to sleep over tomorrow?" So, she gets to see him, I dont have to pay a sitter or infringe on my friends, while i work. MOSTLY this works out. But like i said, if he's nutzo, i keep her from him. or if he cancells, then i use my backup. "

Okay then - BINGO - that is much better from what I thought - I guess I thought you were still trying to take him to court. Sounds like you have it figured out VERY GOOD. It just is not easy when you have a child that has to have someone with them at all times. And you do very well with the working/sleeping/juggling schedule - how nice that you can be there mostly when she is awake. Was it hard to get used to that?

Well, keep us posted on the IT guy.