Now he is the Psycho!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2004
Now he is the Psycho!
16
Tue, 01-04-2005 - 10:16am

My husband went off the deep end last night! He stopped by to pick up the money I owed him & my phone rang while he was there. I was working out on the cardio bike so he took it among himself to answer my phone. Of course it was a guy. Not a buddy, but just someone I met through mutual friends & we got to talking about our recent relationship situations & we really hit it off. The guy is in a bad situation as well, so I gave him my number thinking maybe we could give each other some moral support. A mans perspective of things doesn't hurt sometimes, you know?

Anyway, The ex went off. He was freaking out saying why are men callig you & he only wants one thing, and you said you weren't seeing anyone. On & On until finally I convenced him to leave. I told him I was tired & wasn't putting up with his crap. I said, "If you treated me like you should have when I was there, maybe I would still be there." He went home & started calling, it is now about 9:30pm. He called all night until finally at 11:45 I turned the ringer off. I bet he called 15 times. SO, finally I fall asleep & I hear this knock on my door at 12:20-12:30! It is HIM. Flipping out saying let me in we need to talk & I am not leaving till you let me in. I was like, HELL NO! I told him to go home. He wouldn't, just banging on the door. My neighbors were coming out & he was screaming at me. So, I called the Sherriff. He left before they got there, but then he came back again about 40 min. later. SO, I called again & again he left before they got there. I had to go stay at my friends house at 1:45pm last night. Thank GOd the kids were not home (he was at grandmas & she was at her dads).

He calls this morning all crying on the phone saying how he misses me & he didn't know what a beautiful, sexy wife he had & he can't stand the thought of me even talking to another man & he can't stand thinking maybe this guy is interested in me. He was all hysterical & I could barely understand him. I didn't talk to him, just let him leave a message on my cell.

Nice Huh? The guy friend who called is like I am coming over tonight in case he tries anything. I was like yeah! He said I am not afraid of him & you shouldn't be put through this crap with him. I said it is ok, I went through the same thing with Brianna's dad. I can handle it. Now, I will have to file a restraining order if I want to keep him away & then what do I tell the kids & how is that gong to be with them having to deal with. Unfortunately I need him to keep the little one when I work & now he says he isn't going to get him after work? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! God I hate men sometimes!

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Avatar for tcranky1
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Wed, 01-05-2005 - 3:13pm

Okay, now I'm confused. I thought the reason he had come by in the first place was to collect $ you owed him? So you paid him back, right? So that's that. I would advise against borrowing money from him again. Are you getting any c/s from him, I can't remember if you said??

And I never remember once being asked on an application or in an interview about my marital status. In fact, as someone who used to be very much involved in HR issues, I believe it's against the law for them to even ask that question.

You are in a very tough spot right now financially, and it seems like it will never get better. But before you sell your soul to the devil, i.e., your ex, think long and hard about it. There have been women who have been as bad off financially as you are right now and have dug themselves out. Don't give up.

Hugs
Tara

 

Avatar for tcranky1
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Wed, 01-05-2005 - 3:22pm

Hi
One more thing and I'm only trying to help so please don't take this the wrong way. You say you don't have time to go to court. Well, I think you have to make time. When I first separated from my ex husband, I had no money, I was only working pt and I had two kids. I had to practically beg my employer to take me on full-time again, which they did and I had no lawyer so I went to the court and filled out the paperwork to get everything in motion myself. Honestly, to write a simple complaint for divorce and motion for temporary support, it will not take you much time at all. If you are not comfortable writing those kind of documents, maybe you have a friend who has excellent written skills who can help you word it. You need to do this because until you do, like Donna said, he's got you right where he wants you.

I really know sometimes it feels so overwhelming and it's easier just to avoid the whole thing. I've done it, done it, done it. But you've got to make yourself make this a priority for you and your kids.

Hugs
Tara

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Wed, 01-05-2005 - 4:58pm

"no one will hire you if you put seperated on your application."

Do you live in the US? It is absolutely illegal for an employer to discriminate based on your marital status. There should not be any question on the application asking about your marital status, unless it is strictly related to the job (such as Priest!). If you see this on an application you should not fill it out, and you should think twice about that employer and report them to the EEOC. There is no reason you need to volunteer this information in a job interview either.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2004
Thu, 01-06-2005 - 10:04am

Tara,
Thanks so much for your incouragement. How did you fill out the papers yourself, do they have the correct paperwork at your domestic relations court? We do not have it here. Maybe you could send me a copy of your or tell me where to find it on the net. I have looked, but are those do-it-yourself forms still legal to use in ohio?????

Update, since yesterday I have re-typed my resume & last night I got a call from the Western/Southern office, they are ok with me not going to school this week & are still interested in hiring me. YES! I am glad, I was worried about that sooooooooooooo much. That is a great job & I have worked my whole life as a adult to have a successful career. I just have to figure out how to make it until then & how to get the money together to go. It is only $275.00.

I talked to exh last night & told him the ground rules. He said he was sorry for going psycho & that he thinks maybe this is the best thing. He doesn't want anything to do with me except when it comes to the kids. He says this is hurting him to much. I said ok,ok..........like someone here told me to just listen & say I understand. SO, I did. Yesterday was his b-day & of course he was drinking. So today might be a different story. Anyway, I don't have to talk to him until tonight when I go pick up the little one after my night job & hopefully he will be civil.

I will keep you posted on what happens & hopefully a miracle will occur!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Thu, 01-06-2005 - 12:02pm

tehtehpink:

I know you live in Ohio and I live in Illinois, but I'm just trying to make some suggestions of things that are done here in Illinois, and maybe the same kinds of things can be done where you live. In Chicago, there is a place called the Legal Aid Bureau of Metropolitan Family Services. That place refers people for legal help in family matters. Another place you could check might be your state's attorney's office, domestic division, and see if they could help you get your court paperwork done. A friend of mine went to the state's attorney to get her paperwork filled out when she was trrying to get child support. I know it took a while, but eventually a support order was entered. I can understand that all this is overwhelming. That's why I thought that if you could get help from some kind of an agency, that it might make the process a little less overwhelming. Good luck.

Donna

Avatar for tcranky1
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Thu, 01-06-2005 - 12:35pm

Hi
I'm glad things are a little better then today.

As far as the paperwork, this was over like 6 years ago, but I went in and told the clerk what paperwork I needed to file. They cannot give you any legal advice but they will somewhat help you fill out the form. AT least make sure it's done correctly.
But it's not like a standardized form, it's different state to state and you don't just check off boxes, you have to actually write (at least for the motions) it out in sentences. So you'd kind of have to know how you wanted to write this up ahead of time.

I dont' think i have copies any more of what I submitted, it's all in my file at the courthouse or at my lawyer's office (I did get a lawyer eventually).

I do think you would qualify for some legal help. If at all possible, see if you have any kind of EAP program at the job you currently have or when you start working with the new place. They have legal aid too. If not, do look in the phone book for legal aid. Even a regular lawyer would give you a free consultation.

Hugs
Tara

 

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