NOW WHAT DO I DO!!!
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| Wed, 06-02-2004 - 6:23pm |
Here's the problem....i read an e-mail today (though it was dated the 1st june) A blast from the past...!! yep it was him how he'd made a mistake going back to his wife, things had gone back to how it was before and there was no trust , that he learnt there was actually still nice, careing people out there. He had made a mistake and it wasn't her he wanted to be with. He has separated from her for a good few months and wanted to e-mail me quite a few weeks ago but didn't know how i'd react. That he was hoping two things one i hadn't met anyone else yet to be with and two if i would go out with him for a drink sometime. He says his wife is well and truly in the past there is no chance of them getting back together, and if i was worried of the same thing happening again, not to worry because it won't, and he hoped i'd see it in my heart to reply as it would be nice to hear from me...
So there it is my dilema i was shocked to hear from him again and must have read it ten times over then those emotions i had all packed away nicely came back and my heart was pounding .....and now...well i just don't know what to do i'm all at sixes and sevens..do i or don't i....HELP!!!!!

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My suggestion would be NO NO NO, but you do seem to have a lot of feelings for this man. I would be worried that he would go back to her, or use her as a way out of a relationship with you again- "I'm still too messed up from her..." You could take the chance and live with it if he does, or you can say no way, and listen to him whine and beg- which I'm sure he would.
I think either way, you should let him have some time to sort out some things before getting involved with him again. I don't know how long they were separated the first time, but after a few months with you he went back to her. That must have been a lovely time for you! You say that you haven't thought about that for so long, but when you do, are you still really hurt? If you are, I wouldn't think to give this guy a second chance is in order. He needs time to get over his ex, not time to get back with you.
PLUS- you met this great guy and you have plans to meet him! You should focus on that right now. Tell this ex that you HAVE met someone else, and you're seeing where things go.
Good luck to you!
Alison
He may very well be sincere, but do you want to find out the hard way?
Kim
I think it's great that he's realizing things CAN be different...but in all honesty, I'd wonder if he's coming back to you because it's comfortable rather than the right relationship. The only way (IMO) for either of you to know for sure is for him to spend some time alone, divorced, building his life...then if he comes back to you it will be because you enhance his life/happiness....not for you to become responsible for his life/happiness.
Sherry<with 3 kids, 2 beautiful granddaughters
("He needs time to get over his ex, not time to get back with you. PLUS- you met this great guy and you have plans to meet him! You should focus on that right now. Tell this ex that you HAVE met someone else, and you're seeing where things go.")
I think that he needs time to get over the loss of his marriage and sort things out. Otherwise you will end up back on the same roller coaster you were with him.
thanks for your comments - i only mentioned two but i have dated guys who aren't attatched and have seen them face to face- so believe me its not without trying. As for the committment thing well ...that i do want it seems the guys i have met don't. After meeting someone who i thought was separated no longer with his partner then to find out he's going back to her after me seeing him for 3 months, can you really blame me for being a bit more cautious. I've kept an open mind when i met them but since i'ver been married before and now divorced you tend to be bit reluctant to go the whole hog too quickly.
The man i've been chatting to be messenger has a lot of problems and is more or less getting things sorted which is why i've been taking things slow. I could have met him on a couple of occaisions the chances have been there one of which i tend to remedy this saturday which is when we are to meet. So fingers crossed he's still going to be able to make it.
I dated someone who said he was divorced when he was only legally SEPARATED! BIG difference, though he didn't seem to understand it. I broke that off quick. That was a year ago! And the funny thing is, he called me a few weeks ago wanting to "get to know each other again"...and he's still not divorced. He's been dating everyone in town (I've seen him with several other people). Maybe he's going through the list over again because he's run out of options!!!??? Anyway, he's not over his marriage, even if he doesn't want to be with his ex. Till he heals from it, he's not going to be good for anyone in a relationship.
Anyway, he's not over his marriage, even if he doesn't want to be with his ex.
Excellent point Candi. You can NOT WANT to be with someone, and still not be "over them" in a healthy way and be ready to move on.
Maggie
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