Oh, he is so frustrating!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2006
Oh, he is so frustrating!
3
Fri, 07-21-2006 - 3:04pm

I am seriously going to kick xbf's cute little toushie! He is driving me crazy! Last week I was being petty by dressing nice, but ignoring him, etc. Now it's his turn to drive me insane! He's acting like my best friend. And he is negating every complaint I ever had about him. I got upset because he was never there for me when I needed him, but he took me to the hospital on Monday. He never showed his feelings, but he's been telling me that he sabotaged the relationship, and he knows he'll never find anyone as beautiful, intelligent or as sweet as me (he also never complimented me, so this covers that as well.) He's been spilling his heart out to me all week. And the big one - he never had an interest in my children, but he's been asking about them and telling me he misses them.

Yet, he maintains that it just didn't work out, that we are too different and he needs to be single for a while. He's also encouraging me to start dating and he even started giving me advice about this guy who is giving me a hard time at my gym.

But he comes over to my cubicle to talk for no reason. He looks at me in the same "I-want-you-right-now" kind of look. And this morning the first thing he said to me was "I have just one word to say - damn!" He then complimented my appearance.

What is his game? Is he trying to get me back? Is he trying to make me not be able to think about anyone but him (it's working!) Or is he just seriously messed up and trying to make me crazy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 07-21-2006 - 4:37pm

Keep your cool and be patient. But be sweet - and then you will see.

Could be that he is just wanting to prove he is not a bad guy. Could be he wants you back. You just have to wait and see.

And keep us posted!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Sun, 07-23-2006 - 10:45am

Lostbee, a while ago I had a major thing for this guy, R, and he had one for me. Some of my posts from a few moths ago really reflect a lot of your frustration. While we never officially dated, he jerked me around for as long as I let him- which was way too long.
I'm not saying that's what your guy is doing, because who the heck knows what a man is thinking half the time, but I do know from my own experience with R that he CAN'T be jerking you around if you don't let him.
In my case, we liked each other, in fact, we still do (we're friends now), there's *amazing* chemistry, we have the same friends, stuff in common, we make each other laugh, see each other all the time, and have met each other's kids... been on a couple of almost dates, blah, blah blah- BUT I finally came to see that while he's a good enough guy, and I do like him as a person, he's just not into me enough and I'm just worth more, and the timing's not right, and there are a million other reasons why we can't have a relationship. Maybe it's just for right now, but probably forever- and I'm past waiting for him.
Before I came to this realization, though, it was a roller coaster. And while I was allowing myself to be toyed with, and granted, probably toying with him, it felt good. When it wasn't feeling rotten. So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that sometimes it's so thrilling, and I totally understand that- it feels wonderful because the chemistry is there, and you genuinely like the person, but you know in your gut he/she isn't right for you. Trust your gut.

Moody- who knows now that sometimes where there's smoke, there simply isn't fire- sometimes its just a smokescreen


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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2006
Sun, 07-23-2006 - 5:40pm

Thanks ladies :) You are both right and even though I know he isn't purposely jerking me around, I think he just doesn't know what he wants. So I'm trying to be patient. I'm being friendly and sweet and just trying to go on with my life. If we are meant to be, then we are meant to be. I'm just going to try to sit back and see what happens. I don't have anything else to give right now, anyway. I'm emotionally exhausted.

That said, I got home a few minutes ago and checked my phone as I always do. Xbf called me, so I called him back and he was at the movies, so he said he'd call later. I don't know what he could possibly want, but I'm really hoping he doesn't call back, even though I'm hoping he does call. Does that make sense? I guess I just want him to take away the temptation of getting sucked back in again, but on the other hand, I miss him and want to be sucked back in, despite knowing it's bad for me.

Well, whatever his reason for calling me, I am certain that he won't be direct about it and I'll be left more frustrated and confused. Oh, why did I date a guy I work with? Because even if I avoid his calls, I can't avoid him at work.

Thank you Moody, for sharing your experience with me. I hope someday soon I'll be able to be as clear about my situation as you seem to be with yours!