Oh my gosh, my Saturday wine...

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Registered: 04-08-2003
Oh my gosh, my Saturday wine...
39
Mon, 02-25-2008 - 10:03am

did not bid well. I was so ill again after two glasses that I got sick and the worst headache for days.

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-25-2008 - 10:20am

Well, my X and I are similar to that.

 
Avatar for myprecioustwo
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Registered: 04-08-2003
Mon, 02-25-2008 - 10:26am

Well, this is EXACTLY my point. I feel that one of the couples can't let go and so this is their way of constantly trying. So yes, definitely getting muddier of why I wouldn't be able to deal with it. To me

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-25-2008 - 10:35am

Oh know!!!

 
Avatar for myprecioustwo
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Registered: 04-08-2003
Mon, 02-25-2008 - 10:39am
I'm sure if your dates knew that he still has the hots for you they would be more learly. LOL.
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Registered: 11-03-2003
Mon, 02-25-2008 - 10:41am

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Registered: 04-08-2003
Mon, 02-25-2008 - 10:51am

I think your understanding me wrong. I think it's good when there is a relationship with a X, but for me, just not a extremely tight one. I have a pretty good relationship with my X husband now, not sure what it would be like if we lived closer, but I do think that having too close of

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Registered: 04-08-2003
Mon, 02-25-2008 - 11:02am
An example would be this guy on match.com, where he has 50/50 custody with his X wife who is also his best friend. They see each other several times the week, take vacations together, weekends together. He may be moving and she'll be moving with them. I think it's fine if you AREN'T dating someone, but expecting your "significant other" to deal with that kind of relationship I think seems odd. I wouldn't want to know I'm marrying his X too. I don't mind having a good relationship with all and maybe the occasional BBQ together, but not an everyday interraction several times throughout the day, vacations and holidays. It's definitely important that my kids see I have a great relationship with an X, but I think it can also become confusing when spending too much time together for them. I have noticed in 7 years, ONE of them can't seem to let go when this sort of relationship is going on. Those that have a balanced relationship seem to have a better relationship. Compared to those that have a bad one or tooo good of one.
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Registered: 11-03-2003
Mon, 02-25-2008 - 11:03am

You asked an open question can you explain that to me? so I took the time to

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Registered: 11-22-2006
Mon, 02-25-2008 - 11:05am
My parents were great friends after their divorce. They had their moments, sure. But, they somehow managed to be very light hearted and good to each other and I would often catch glimpses of them giggling or just story telling with one another on the porch when he would stop by. I got to see what love looked like. I got weekly , or sometimes daily reminders of why my parents once thought "this is the one for me for life". This was good. But it was also painful. My mother was trapped in love with him and he was gay and had left for this reason. She never let anyone into her heart after that and died without experiencing love with another man truly IMO. She tried, she went to counseling, she dated, but the ongoing friendship with him and the good times they shared even during her illness, it had her stuck. Was it the best thing for my brother and I? I dont know. My brother still to this day in a moment of anger will admit that he wishes they could have just gotten back together. He doesnt make any sense when he says this and he knows that - I mean, Dad was and is gay. But he still feels it. I felt it too even though it was all without logic and I think one of the reasons we felt this way was BECAUSE we were seeing them so good with one another. And we knew she couldnt move on because of this ongoing thing between them. Maybe she made a conscious decision to just enjoy their friendship, keep the peace for my brother and I's sake and put off the rest of her love life indefinitely. I never asked her. And sometimes I wish I had.
I think it probably does exist what you said - two people who are just able to get along and maintain a friendship after divorce thus minimizing the post divorce strain on the kids. But I think it is rare. What brought them together and brought the kids into the world is sometimes deep complex love that doesnt get tucked away all that easily. I suppose in situations where there wasnt this kind of love, the break is easier and the post relationship flows without as many hitches. But in cases like my parents, where there was deep love present, a cleaner break might have been a better option but it doesnt seem to have been considered. I mean, a cleaner break would have allowed my mother to heal, it would have cemented the idea to my brother and I that they were not getting back together and helped us accept new people in their lives, and it would have maybe even eased my Dad's guilt in his part of the divorce. I guess what I am trying to say is that parents that are still involved to a certain extent after divorce can in fact hold themselves back and confuse or stunt the childrens understanding of the situation IMO. Not always, but in my case certainly.
I dont think I could date a guy who was every day involved with his ex wife. I would feel a bit insecure about that over time I think but also, more importantly, I would question in my head whether that was the best for everyone involved.
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Mon, 02-25-2008 - 11:07am
I understood what you were saying. I wasn't seeking validation, I just felt you may have mistaken what I was trying to say. I was definitely not condeming having a good relationship, because I too agree that society think that society is used to X bashing. I never would want to condone that. Sorry if I stepped on your toes, I was just trying to say that I felt it's sometimes tooo much. I was trying to understand that, but I guess in a way your right, I just would feel to uncomfortable with an X walking in and out of my house without knocking, showing up all the time and calling at all hours for the sake of the children. I just believe in certain boundaries and would wonder why those haven't been set. That is all. Again, sorry if I stepped on your toes. I didn't mean too. :)


Edited 2/25/2008 11:13 am ET by myprecioustwo

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