Oh my gosh, my Saturday wine...
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Oh my gosh, my Saturday wine...
| Mon, 02-25-2008 - 10:03am |
did not bid well. I was so ill again after two glasses that I got sick and the worst headache for days.
| Mon, 02-25-2008 - 10:03am |
did not bid well. I was so ill again after two glasses that I got sick and the worst headache for days.
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My ex and I had a little "too comfortable" of a relationship.
Thanks for the insight. Did your BF discuss it with you or something you ended up noticing? Also how did you put a stop to it? Did you talk to your X about it getting to close or just begin making the changes gradually?
Heehee, I don't hit, lol.
Hey Cat-
I have not read all the responses yet but thought I'd throw you my 2 cents.
I am in a very good partnership with my Ex. Many would say it looks like a friendship and it is in the way that we get along well. But feelings wise..there is nothing there. We see each other daily because of DD's schedule. And I talk to him probably every day but 95 percent of what we talk about is DD and her needs. Befor we divirced we made a pact that we would always get along for DD. I have no ill feelings towards him, but absolutely no feelings.
The outings thing is kind of over the line for me. I have a way of drawing the line IMO that includes phone calls or being together- anything that is said or done between the two of them should be things that the new girlfriend/boyfriend/love interest would be fine with knowing about. In other words- as long as there is no secrecy about feelings or hidden agenda I see no problem. But if my boyfriend was going on a lot of outing with the ex I would at some point discuss with him about perhaps including me, or something of that nature.
I think it's wise to listen to that inner voice early on- the one that asks you to wonder about an ex who still might be really attached. I think that many parents (like me and my ex) can see each other all the time without any feelings at all for the sake of the children.
Cat, this is an interesting thread. Because I think there are about 75 degrees of normal. You have the extremely tolerant and friendly situation that Soonee explains, and then you have the extremely dysfunctional one that poor rlch and some others are going through as seen in our bully thread. And then you have all sorts in between with even some cases where one of the ex's has feelings for the other one. It seems to me that there is no real rhyme or reason to it. Each one is its own entity - kind of like relationships themselves.
As for me and my situation - my exh and I have one of civil respect. We get the job done quite well. We can attend functions for DS and sit together - but we only do that when it is required by one of DS's functions itself. We do not vacation together or anything like that.
One thought that came to mind - is that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. I think that with your situation, where you are 24/7, it could get on your nerves if you take it personally because you could feel that the guy cannot appreciate all you go through and I know from previous posts that is important to you. But maybe you can separate the two?
I would rather have one of extreme respect like this one you speak about though, than one that is tumultuous and full of drama. Although only time will tell if one of them has feelings for the other one - that is something you have to ask about I guess.
A funny thing - is that the high school friend I spoke about that just died - and her bf/fiance was heart broken called me over the very same thing when they began dating. I asked her how the first date went. She said, "he has so much drama." So I asked her to define what she meant by drama, thinking he might have been married 10 times or something. Well, she said, he and his exw are very very close. They go to dinner sometimes. And when one of them breaks up with an SO then they comfort each other (I am quite sure she said but that didn't mean sex). And they go to the kids things and family things and are good friends.
Well, I told her - that is not bad - a guy that respects his exw is good I said. And I said he could have a lot more and worse drama than THAT!! So she gave it a chance. They were the cutest couple - and certainly not perfect people - but perfect for each other. When her phone was calling mine on Saturday morning I thought she was going to tell me they were engaged - but it was him using her phone to tell me she died.
And you know what? My prediction came true so many times over. He is the sweetest guy and loved her dearly. When he read me her eulogy that he wrote this morning on the phone I burst into tears. It was incredible. He mentioned all of her friends. And he thanked her family for making him feel so welcome. He said that he would rather have had her for the few months he did than never at all even though it means this horrible pain now that she is gone. He has helped her whole family. He made sure her best guy friend from school who has terminal lung cancer and is on his death bed in the hospital had 2 friends tell him the news in person. He stayed up all night - after calling 911 to take her body - to deal with the cops, the coroner and call the family. And then he went through her cell phone to call all of us. He was exhausted.
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