oh ya...today is the anniversary

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
oh ya...today is the anniversary
6
Tue, 04-24-2007 - 1:21pm

Our marriage anniversary...would have been married 8 years today. It's weird because one second I'm completely unfazed and the next I'm going through all the disappointment. I don't feel especially sad or upset, just kind of unsettled. I'm also anticipating the ex making some reference to it today and while dreading it I also think I'll be disappointed if he doesn't....which is COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS.

He texts me sometimes about how he always thinks about me and blah blah blah and I actually think I get gratification out of knowing he is in pain BUT I also get an ego-kick out of knowing he's still hung up on me (despite his girlfriend). It's weird, I want him to make a comment about it but I don't.

Have I gone nutty??

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2006
Tue, 04-24-2007 - 1:52pm

Hugs to you... I know it's not easy "remembering when"... My 1st marriage anniversary was April 1st - yeah, it was April Fools Day, & the joke was on us, ha! It just passed a few weeks ago. It was 12 years ago and this year on that day, when I realized it, it still hit me like a ton of bricks.


My 2nd marriage, the anniversary was November 23rd, but for us we always celebrated it

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 04-24-2007 - 4:54pm

Days of Infamy...I love that!

It's just that this is the first time I've had a "Day of Infamy". Actually I take that back, he proposed on Valentine's Day therein ruining that day forever.

IF he does acknowledge the day, it would be the most he's done for our anniversary in YEARS...which makes me angry in general but I keep feeling like this shouldn't bother me, yet it does.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 04-24-2007 - 10:20pm
Take heart - it will get better as time goes on and you will not notice or think about it as much. If I do remember mine, I always think about all the things I am doing now that I wouldn't get to do if I was with him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 6:47am

I don't think it's nutty, I think it's completely normal.

I haven't heard from or seen my ex in almost six years. I know he visits his parents, as do I. I try to make sure any pictures they have of my kids and I has us in good lighting, happy faces, with clean clothes on. They live on a lake, so getting them to take pictures when we're not all looking like drowned rats is a chore at times.

It has nothing to do with anything- except my own vanity. I want him to realize how happy and settled and beautiful we are without him, and that he can't have us. It's just my own little ego thing, and for all I know, my mother in law puts all the pictures of us away before they come. I have no idea, but knowing that any photos he stumbles across will be flattering makes me feel better.

I think today you should do something extra special just for you. Get a manicure, go for a long walk, soak in the tub, whatever you'd like to do to pamper yourself that you haven't made the time for lately. Enjoy it. Remind yourself how wonderful you are.

Moody, who desperately needs a manicure


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 11:10am
I can't even remember my wedding day. I think the court house thing was the 9th and the church was the 17th, but I just can't be too sure. That is how much I forgot it. I do know that my X called me two years in a row to remind me. The first year I was sure I wasn't going to get through it and now I can't remember it. SAD. It's in May, so no holidays were ruined. hehehhe
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 1:28pm

Thanks everyone :)

It just so happens that a few girls at the office decided to take off early for a margarita and even though I didn't want to go I'm glad I did...took the edge off a bit.

So he texted me last night with: "I just wanted to say that I remember today. How beautiful you looked and the promises I made. I'm sorry it turned out the way this way. I really am."

I responded with something a bit mean but I think that's my only defense to all the other crap that was going on in my head "Unfortunately, that is the most recognition you've given it in many years." Then I cried...for all the things I wanted and expected and all the disappointments but quickly recovered when I got his next text: "I truly am sorry Caryn and maybe when time passes we can be friends again." Now, I know him well enough that this response was mostly likely promoted because he was trying to show someone (ie. girlfriend, mother) how he is "trying" so hard to make things right. I remebered what an ass he is and how his childlike manipulation works on the weak-minded. So I responded back: "I look forward to a time when I can respect you again." And in respect I mean...pay child support, see the girls when you say you will and be a good dad once in a while by himself.

I'm beginning to think that anger actually cures grief...thank god for that.